Where Apple Go?
By Lily2332

TITLE: "Where Apple Go?"
AUTHOR: Lily2332
RATING: PG
SUMMARY: Yeah, yeah. Another Beer Bad fic. But it’s just too fun to pass up. : )
DISCLAIMER: They’re not mine, don’t sue. The idea’s not even mine, it’s an episode, duh.
SPOILERS: Beer bad


"Want-beer." Buffy glowered, turning menacingly toward her Watcher. Giles knew enough to feel a tremor of nervousness at her expression.

Sure enough, he came crashing down to the floor, compliments of slayer-strength mixed with cave-slayer reasoning. As the furious girl rushed toward him, Giles called over to Xander, "Does that, uh, non-alcoholic beer have foam?"

Xander thought quickly. "I think so."

"Go get some, and hurry!"

Buffy’s ears perked up at the mention of beer. "Foam?" She asked hopefully, looking around the room for the mentioned beverage.

"Yes," Giles said in what he hoped was a soothing voice, watching Xander dash out of the room. "Beer. Xander is getting beer. For Buffy."

He braced himself for her reaction, finding this primitive version of Buffy very unpredictable.

She studied him carefully. "Bring Buffy beer?" Her face broke out into a huge grin. She jumped up and down happily, clapping her hands. At the sound of her own clap, her eyes lit up all over again, and she carefully brought her hands together. Soon, she was engrossed in the wonder of creating clapping sounds. "Fingers loud" She told Giles with satisfaction, wiggling them in front of his face.

"Yes" He sighed, sitting down on her bed. He hoped that Xander would return quickly, though he had to admit that it was pretty amusing, seeing his slayer like this.

"Buffy hungry." She stated, directing this comment toward her Watcher. She sniffed loudly around the room until she apparently smelled something edible in her backpack. Lucky for her, the backpack was unzipped, or Giles would’ve been treated to quite a show. She dumped the bag upside down, causing an orange and a juice box to tumble out.

He was already mentally planning this evening’s journal entry when she greedily bit into the orange. Grimacing, she howled at the bitter taste, hurling the fruit across the room. Giles barely dodged it, then retrieved the fruit for the girl.

He began to peel the skin from it, keeping his eyes on her all the while. "See?" He asked, as she crept over to where he sat, planting herself on the floor between his legs. She peeked up at him warily. He tore off a slice for her. "This is the part you eat. It’s good…*Good*" He said pointedly, making a show of eating a bite and smiling.

She refused to believe him, though, pushing away what he offered, concentrating instead on the juice box. "Apple in here." She tapped the box with her finger, on a picture of a red, ripe apple.

"Um, no Buffy, it’s juice."

"Apple! In! Box!" She insisted, shoving the box in his face. "See picture?"

She had climbed up on his lap in her efforts to make a point. Giles gently moved the juice box out of his immediate view, and Buffy, thinking he was trying to take it, snatched it away. She tore at the box with her teeth, unleashing a gush of cold liquid all over her hands and clothes. She gaped in shock at the lack of apple, peeking inside the empty box.

"Where apple?" She asked in confusion, then roared. "Where APPLE GO?" She glared accusingly at Giles, patting down his shirt as though she suspected him of hiding it from her. All she knew in her primitive state was that she was supposed to have a red, shiny piece of fruit right now, and she didn’t.

He tried to grab her quick hands. "Buffy no. I don’t have any-" She slapped his hands away with a growl, continuing to travel her hands over his chest, and yanking his shirt out of the waistband.

Giles tried to stand up, but the violent glare she gave him stopped his protest. Moving her search lower, until she was groping around his trousers. To Giles horror, he found himself responding to her hands moving about his pockets and crotch, and pushed her away, but it was too late.

She had felt her hand brush against something hard, and just knew that it was her much sought-after snack. Her eyes widened in excitement as she lunged forward.

"Buffy!" Giles said desperately. "The beer is here!" He hoped that the mention would buy him a moment to get out from under the girl, but as if on cue, Xander walked into the room, holding up a six pack.

"Beer’s h-" He trailed off as Giles brushed past him on his way out the door.

"Giles…" He called after him. The man just kept on walking, until he was completely gone.

Buffy was already supping on her first beer, delighted with the foam that spilled over the top after shaking it soundly. Xander sat down. This was going to be a piece of cake. But when all the beer was gone, her face darkened.

"Hey---Where apple go?"

END