Twenty Years Ago
By Arkin

TITLE: Twenty Years Ago
SPOILERS: Surprise/Innocence
SUMMARY: Angelus has some plans for Buffy, Giles and the Scooby Gang. You can bet they aren't so good.
DISCLAIMER: Not mine. Don't sue.
FEEDBACK: Yes please! (No flames.)

'Hey Giles.'

'Ho, Buffy, hello. Is, is something wrong?'

'No, I just thought you might come patrolling with me. Gets kind of boring alone.'

'I'm sorry, I have some researching to do.'

Buffy's face fell, but she didn't complain. 'Okay, well, I'll see you tomorrow.'

I went back into my office. Sometimes it scared me that I was in the library so much Buffy didn't even try my place when she looked for me. But, especially since Jenny died, I haven't been too big on being there. 

I heard a noise and, thinking it was Buffy again, got up. 'Did you need something?'

It was Buffy. Tied and held by three vampires. Angelus showed up from beyond her, grinning. 'She needs her watcher to watch her. Can't have a slayer alone, can we?'

Several more vampires came in and surrounded me. Angel took a sword from the table and wacked me across the head with it.


The cell was rather large, with a fully functional bathroom, ventilation and, for some unknown reason, two doors, set a few feet from each other, locked.

Buffy sniffed and touched her head again. 'They aren't very gracious hosts, are they?'

'No, no they're not. Are you all right, other than your head?'

'Terrified out of my mind. I... he won't make it fast, you know.'

I sat down next to her. 'No. No I suppose he won't. Angelus... is a master at making things long.'

She nodded, looked up at me and rested her head against my shoulder. 'I...'

The door opened, and Angelus, accompanied by guards, came in. Some of the guards grabbed me and pulled me away from Buffy. My struggles were of no affect and I stopped quickly, watching Angelus as he approached Buffy.

'Hello luv. How have you been? Haven't seen you in a while. No matter, we can make up for lost time soon enough. You've been looking a little down lately, you know that?' He grabbed her wrists and grined 'Your lover not treating you right?'
Buffy pulled away from him, but he grabbed her again.

'What's the matter Buff? Wasn't it good for you? I thought I was so good at that. Maybe we should try again.' A cruel smile came on. 'Would you like that? Not that I care.'

The realization of what he was about to do hit both of us at the same instant. I saw the fear in Buffy's eyes and struggled again. The guards hit me so heard I toppled to the floor, and they grabbed me, forced me to watch as two of them held Buffy so that Angelus could tear her cloths of. He knocked her to the floor and dropped on top of her.  She was to shaken up and scared to put on an affective fight. She whimpered as he broke into her, tears falling freely down both our faces. I heard myself curse him, but all I could think about were her eyes, shut tight against his face as he extracted painful moans from her with every thrust. 

He came over rather quickly, kissed her on the mouth and left without a word, his soldiers following him. I crawled over to her and pulled her onto my lap, wrapping her in my arms in a futile attempt to make things better. She shivered against me, bleeding on my pants. I laid backwards on the floor with her on top of me, her head on my chest as she cried herself to sleep in what I hopped was my comforting embrace.  

I don't know how long we slept, time meant nothing there. I was awakened by Spike. He surprised me by handing me a dress. 'For her. He won't do that again if I tell him not to. He'll listen to me. I hope.' His voice was so soft, so full of sorrow as he looked at Buffy, now awake, still buried in my arms. 'I'm sorry.'

He turned to leave, than stopped and pulled a bottle of juice from his jacket. 'Thought she might want something sweet.'

I looked at him in shock. 'Thank you.'

Buffy allowed me to wash her a little and pull the dress over her, than settled back in my lap, her head on my shoulder. She didn't say anything, didn't fight when I put the bottle to her lips and made her drink. She was quiet for so long I was afraid she'd never talk again. But finally she did, her voice barley a whisper. 'Tell me about England.'

I was so happy to hear her talk I started talking immediately, telling her about some of my Ripper days, in the hope that just trying to imagine me doing those things will improve her mood. It worked for a while. I got a smile on her face. And than he came in.

Buffy started shaking and squirmed until she had her back to him, her chest pressed against mine, her head buried in the crock of my neck.

'Spike made an interesting point. Getting her in catatonic shock won't do me any good. So, no more fun for us, Buff.' He looked at the soldiers around him. 'What say we have a little fun with the watcher?'

I felt Buffy's entire body tense. But before either of us could say anything, Angelus spoke again. 'Now, Spike said that he needs you alive and able to answer questions. So...'

The door opened again and Xander was thrown in. He landed not far from where I was sitting propped up against the wall. 'Giles, Buffy...'

Angelus stopped him with a sharp kick that took his breath out. 'So, what's better than the guy that didn't like me even when I had a soul? No messing with the slayer, no messing with information boy here, what's left? The Scooby gang. I'll see you later. By the way, Buff, I like your dress.'

And he left. Buffy turned around slowly until she was face to face with Xander. They hugged, but she never even lifted herself from my lap, and I never took my hands off her. 'Xander... I'm so sorry... I'm sorry...'

'Hey, no, this isn't your fault.' He looked up at me, and Buffy pulled away and nestled back against me. 'What did he do to you?'

I shot my eyes, but Buffy's expression, and the pile of cloths he was sitting next to, were enough for him. I opened my eyes and saw the rage I felt reflected in his face.

'Xander, listen to me. He won't hurt us. Not too much. And Spike thinks he can get him not to touch her again. But he already wants to hurt you. Don't give him any excuse to make it worse.'

Xander looked at me for a while, than nodded. He sent a gentle hand and caressed Buffy's cheek. 'Are you alright?'



Xander fall asleep with his head against my shoulder, Buffy was still in my lap, wrapped in my arms. A few of the soldiers came in and started working on building a reinforced - glass wall in the middle of the cell, between the two doors. Xander, awake by then, looked on in interest, but I was getting a sick felling in my stomach.

Angelus came in, extracting the same reaction from Buffy as he did the previous time, obviously enjoying it. His soldiers grabbed Xander and pulled him up. I got to my feet, still holding Buffy. 'What are you doing, Angelus?'

'You'll see. I'll make sure of that.' He grinned at me and signaled his men. They came behind me and grabbed me while he tore Buffy from my arms and dropped her to the floor uneconomically. The look of terror in her eyes pleased him as he crouched before her. 'You don't seem too happy to see me. Didn't you enjoy our little game? Doesn't matter, we can play some other ones, much more fun.'

She crawled away from him towards me, never taking her eyes of him. And the monster was enjoying every minute of it. 'You think your watcher can save you? Look at him - he's got six men on him. I could do what ever I wanted, I could slit your throat, and all he could do was watch and curse.' He looked up at me suddenly and crossed the distance between us in two stapes, backhanding me with enough force to knock me to the floor despite the men holding me. 'By the way, you shouldn't teach that kind of language to little ladies.'

He walked back to Buffy, grabbed her and pulled her up for a kiss. 'I mean, just imagine what her mouth would taste like with soap in it.'

He left, the men following him, carrying Xander. Buffy staggered to me, crawled up into my lap again and gently wiped away the blood trickling from my mouth. 'What do you think they're going to do to Xander?'

'Torture him, most likely.' She stopped wiping and pulled her arms around my neck, resting her head on my shoulder.

'Giles, I want you to promise me something.'


Her voice was horse, and I could feel tears on my shoulder. 'Promise me that if he kills me, you'll take care of my mother.'

'Don't talk like that!'

'Giles, please.'

I held her tighter. 'I promise. I'll take care of her. I'll take care of both of you.'


There were two chairs beyond the glass, and Xander and Willow were tied to them. Between them was a table with surgical instruments. We tried talking to them but the glass was sound proof. Later I was grateful for that.

Angelus started with Xander. He kept his word about me seeing, and made sure that when he was working, there were soldiers with us, holding us so that we had no choice but watch. They went as far as opening Buffy's eyes when she tried to shut the images out of her head. And when he was done and they left she would cry in my arms until she was out of tears.

But Xander wasn't all Angelus expected him to be. And whenever he didn't get the right reaction from him, or when ever he fainted, Angelus would ignore Spike's advice and take out his frustration on Buffy, sometimes taking her, sometimes just knocking one of us around a bit. Eventually he sat into a rhythm, Xander and now Willow, and occasionally Buffy and I. He stopped forcing us to watch him work the other two out, but he got a kick out of making me watch him hurt Buffy.    


Getting drained hurts. Even if he they make sure there's enough left for you to stay alive, the bite hurts, you're cold and drowsy. It's not the most fun I've had.



'What if he kills you? What will I do?'

'He won't, Spike needs me.'


'I can't.'

'I know. Get some rest.'

Spike came in again, rolling over to where we were sitting in our usual position; me propped up against the wall, Buffy in my lap. He handed her another bottle of juice, his ceremonial offering whenever Angelus disregarded his advice concerning Buffy.

'Spike, make him stop. Please.'

'I can't.' There was actual sadness in his voice. 'I'm not in control here. I can only make suggestions. And if he ignores them...'

We sat in silence for a few moments, Spike watched Buffy while I watched Xander and Willow. 'Kill them.'

Spike looked at me sharply. Buffy started to tremble. 'Maybe you should drink some of that juice, mate. You need sugar.' For a second I wondered if he thought Buffy never left me any juice. Than my mind shifted back to the subject.

'He'll kill them, you and I both know that. The only question is how much it will hurt. Please, don't let it hurt any more. Help them.'

Buffy's trembling increased. 'Giles...'

'You know I'm right, Buffy. This has to be done.'

Spike looked at me, than over at Willow and Xander beyond the glass. Both were unconscious, the reason for Angelus' latest assault on Buffy, the reason Spike was in the room with us. He ruled out without a word to either of us, but I saw his face as he glanced at Buffy, shaking in my arms from the knowledge of what was about to happen.

I will forever be in his debt.


Spike later told me that Angel believed one of his soldiers did it; just couldn't stand the smell of the blood anymore and decided to have launch. He took his anger out on a bunch of them, which probably saved us.

For what must have been at least a week we didn't see him, or anyone other than the guard that brought us food, and Spike that brought us fresh cloths and gave Buffy a box of tempons, the embarrassment on his face almost amusing. He even gave me a razor.

But Angelus didn't stay away forever. The look on his face as he walked in and glanced at the torture room scared me even more than the fact that he was wearing nothing, which is how he usually came in when he had a certain plan in mind for Buffy.

'You know, Buff, I've been wondering.' He talked at the rhythm of his thrusts. 'How much did you have to do with the death of my toys?'

'Ho, leave her alone, mate. It's time you got yourself some new fun.'

Angelus pulled out of Buffy and pushed her over to me. The guards let go and I pulled her to my chest. Angelus eyed Spike. 'And what do you suggest I do?'

'Go out, find a new hobby. I'll keep her warm for you, if you like. Make sure she's here when you're home sick.'

'And what about color-me-tweed?'

'I need him. Got some spells and texts I'm trying to figure out.'

Angelus looked at Buffy and me 'You know I think you might be right. I do need some fun.' He turned to Spike. 'All right, mate. I'll try the big world, have some good time.'


Angelus' idea of a good time was getting Joyce. He pushed her in, unconscious, her head bleeding, and left her with us.

We've been gone for over a month, so Joyce's first reaction was hugging Buffy, almost knocking the breath out of her. Then the fear came.

Buffy and I told her the whole story, about Buffy being the slayer, and Angel, Buffy's 17th birthday and the curse. Joyce sat in silence for a while, from time to time looking at Buffy, perched on my lap as usual. Then something hit her.

'Willow and Xander, they disappeared right after you did. Did he...'

'He tortured them, mom. They're dead. Both of them.'

'Ho my God... and all this time... and they're parents are still looking for them, poor things.' She thought for a while 'What about you, what has he done to you?'

Buffy looked away and a shudder went through her. But I had no doubt that Angelus wasn't about to stop, especially now that her mother was here to watch. 'He...' there's no easy way to say it, so I just looked her straight in the eye and said it, tightening my grip on Buffy. 'He raped her, more than once.'

Joyce looked at me, refusing to believe it, than looked at Buffy. 'Honey? Is that...' She pulled Buffy over to her and hugged her again, this time crying. 'Baby I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.'

Buffy pulled away from her. 'Don't be. There's nothing anyone could have done.'

Buffy looked at me, a thin smile on her face 'Giles makes it better.' I smiled back at her and she leaned back against my chest.

'The important thing now is to keep him away from you. I don't know how, but we can't let him near you. The things he could do...'

'Buffy... I don't think we can. We're grossly outnumbered. And frankly, I think the fact that he's here is the only thing that's keeping us alive. If he's not here, the others will do what they please.'

Buffy looked me straight in the eyes 'Mom's better of dead than in his hands.'

Joyce's mouth hung open, but I think deep down she had already realized that Buffy was right. 'If he... if he does to her what he did to Willow and Xander, I'll have Spike kill her.' She turned to Joyce. 'I promise you, I won't let him have too much fun with you. We helped them, we'll help you.'

We had to help her.


Angel didn't come back after Joyce died. We never saw him again. And a few days after she died, the police found us.


Buffy moved in with me. Oz and her stayed friends, but Cordelia drifted away. Willow's parents left town, followed shortly by Xander's. Hank dropped by every so often, but for some reason Buffy wouldn't play the loving daughter part. Or the loving anything for anyone who wasn't Oz or I, and Cordelia, when she would let her.

Buffy died a year later, killed by a lucky demon that got her when she was too busy with a couple of vampires to notice him until it was to late. I know; I saw it all. Oz took out the vampires and I got the demon, doing an over kill in my rage.

The only thing left for me then was Oz. And he died helping Kendra with another demon. I went back to England after that, got my old job at the museum. Eventually I got over the deaths, and now I can think about what it was to have them around rather than watch them die. But I never took another slayer, never got near demonology books or stakes.

They train you for a lot of things. Fighting demons and translating and training your slayer. What they can't is prepare you for the hole that's left in your heart when she dies. When the girl your life revolved around for years leaves you, normally not even twenty years old.

I still think about her everyday. About all of them. It's been twenty years and I still can't get my mind off them, off of what my life was like in Sunnydale. Losing Buffy was the worst thing that ever happened to me. Knowing her was the best.