Surrender

AUTHOR: Gabriele Schulz
EMAIL:
gabi@gschulz.de
RATING: NC17 (Oh... yesss... :-)
DISTRIBUTION: The New Buffy/Giles Relationshippers. Others please ask first.
SPOILERS: up to Graduation II
FEEDBACK: Give it to me baby... Kidding aside, I don't really know what to think of it, so maybe you could help me out.
SUMMARY: The Council captures Buffy and Giles and wants Buffy to leave Giles forever. That is bad. But Buffy and Giles get to shag. That is good. ... (At this point I'm giving up all pretense of writing useful summaries. I rather let Solo84 do all the work ;-) B/G
DISCLAIMER: The characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar Productions, Kuzui Enterprises, 20th Century Fox Television, the WB Television Network, and whoever else may have a hold on them. I do not mean to infringe upon any copyrights.
NOTE:
This is my answer to Cap's second challenge. (Check out his site: Watching you, Watching me) It was a picture of Buffy, Giles, Xander, Cordelia and Willow all dressed up. This fic uses this picture basically only for the first scene. It inspired the setting (the gang at a banquet, held for them by the Council). Everything else has little to do with the pic, but follows from the setting, so I guess it counts.
Set after Graduation II. Cordy is still with them.
DATE: 7/21,23/99


When the door opened, all doubts, fears, hesitations were gone. Or at least they weren't visible. The five of them made a picture of arrogant self-confidence.

Buffy walked in first, head held up high. She was closely followed by Giles, then Xander, Cordelia and Willow, who fought hardest to keep up the air of being invincible.

The people, mostly men, clapped as they went to the table at the center of the room and took their seats. When the applause subsided a man got to the podium and talked about the reason, they were all here: To celebrate the Watcher and the Slayer.

Of course it was more than that. It was the only way to keep Buffy. If they couldn't control her, they at least wanted her to work for them, so that they wouldn't have to admit their defeat.

That at least was the conclusion they had come to after the invitation for the Slayer, her Watcher (yes, they had called Giles her Watcher) and her "helpers".

All of them had discussed what they should think of that and if they should follow the invitation. And they had decided that they wouldn't back out.

"I'm not afraid of them" had been Buffy's words.

So they had gone. All except Oz. It was the night before full moon, so he had stayed in the US, while they had flown to England, to be celebrated by the Watchers' Council.

When the speaker had stopped, he called Buffy and Giles to the podium. They stood up and once again surrounded by applause they walked up to the man and shook his hand. He stepped aside to make way for Buffy.

When she was about to speak into the microphone, the lights went out and the earth started moving.

"An earthquake!"

"No, Buffy."

The lights went on and suddenly Buffy stood in the same room, only that it was totally empty. No people, no tables, no chairs. She turned around.

Giles stood there, his look sad, but not surprised.

"What happened?"

"They captured us."

"What do you mean?"

She walked to the door, they had come through, but when she opened it, there wasn't the hall, but only a room with cupboards and shelves full of food.

"What the... where are we?"

"We are in a room above or beneath the one we entered. I guess it is beneath. It will be easier to guard."

"What are you talking about?"

"It was a trap."

"But... how?"

"The earthquake wasn't an earthquake. It was the ground lowered down into this room."

"So the others are..."

She followed his gaze to the ceiling.

"What are they going to do to them?"

"I suppose, they will use a spell to make them forget what happened."

"And what will they do to us? Kill us?"

"No, Ms. Summers, we would never to something so cruel."

The voice had come from no particular point. Obviously speakers in the walls or ceiling.

"Then what *would* you do?"

"We will just wait for you to go."

"What do you mean?"

"Just what I said. We will wait, till you decide to leave this room and go back to Sunnydale."

"If you planned on letting us just go, why did you get us here in the first place?"

"Buffy..."

She turned around to Giles. Then the voice spoke again.

"I didn't say, we would let *both* of you go."

"What..."

"They want you to leave me here."

"Exactly Mr. Giles. We have come to the conclusion, that it was your influence, that allowed her ongoing rebellion and the corruption of not only your Slayers, but also your successor's."

"Wesley?!" Buffy asked incredulous.

"Mr. Wyndam-Pryce. Correct Ms. Summers. He might still turn out to be a worthy Watcher, if he is not under Mr. Giles' influence, but most importantly we will provide you with a Watcher, who will not tolerate bending of the rules and we think that it would be best to maintain his authority if Mr. Giles stayed away from you."

"Are they kidding?"

Giles didn't say anything, but his look made it clear that they weren't.

"What if I don't agree?"

"Nothing."

"You'll just let us die in here?"

"Of course not. There is a bedroom, a bathroom, a kitchen and food. You will be provided everything that is needed. Take a look for yourself. And let us know, when you are ready to go."

She didn't hear any clicking or other sound, but she nevertheless knew that the conversation was over.

She went over to Giles and whispered into his ear.

"What are we going to do?"

Giles didn't bother to whisper.

"Nothing."

"But..."

"He is right Ms. Summers. There is nothing you can do. And there's no need to whisper. All rooms have cameras and microphones. Except the bathroom. So if you feel the need to discuss something in private you might want to go there."

She glared into the room.

"Yeah, right."

"You have no reason to believe me, but since there is no possibility for you to escape, there is no reason for us to monitor every word or action. It is sufficient if we know in which room you are. We will need to lock you in your bedroom, to provide you with fresh food and clothes, but other than that..."

She went towards one door and opened it to find the bedroom.

"Please excuse, that it only has one bed, but we usually only have one guest at a time. But maybe this will make the decision for you even easier."

She could imagine the man grin.

The bathroom was located next to the bedroom and could only be reached through it. She walked back into the large room. All other doors seemed to be tightly locked or props. The kitchen he had talked about was part of the bar at the end of the room. She checked the walls but there was not a single window or door that seemed to leave the possibility to escape.

Giles still stood at the end of the room, where they had landed, when the ground had been lowered down. Finally Buffy went to him.

When he said nothing, she grabbed his hand and dragged him into the bathroom.

"I don't know, whether he told the truth, when he said we could spe-"

"He did, as far as I can remember."

"You knew this would happen?"

"Of course not. But the concept isn't new to me. Such rooms existed when I was trained to be a Watcher and the bathrooms are not monitored, because as he said, it isn't necessary. We won't be able to escape."

"But the others...?"

"The others will either think we disappeared or we are dead, depending on what they make them remember. And even if they do find out where we are they won't be able to get us out."

"A spell..."

"Spells that could help us out don't work with just the words."

"But the others..."

"They could get what they need, I suppose, but the Council has put up a shield against spells, that they couldn't break. I'm sorry, Buffy."

"But..."

"There is no 'but'. They can wait. They have an active slayer. They don't care whether you are here or in Sunnydale, as long as they don't have to admit, that they can't control you. That is more important to them, than an unguarded hellmouth. And they know that *you* care."

"Mom..."

"Yes. Your mother, Xander, Cordelia, Willow and Oz. And all the other innocent people, who will die without you slaying."

"But-"

"You have no choice, Buffy."

"I can't leave you!"

"Maybe you can't. But you will have to."

His voice had stayed calm all the time. He seemed to have resigned to his fate.

But Buffy couldn't do it.

"We'll see."

They spend the rest of the evening apart. She took a look at the food they had while he read one of the books, that he had found in the bedroom cupboard.

"Good-night" was the only thing they said before falling asleep, both on their side of the bed, facing the wall instead of each other, leaving enough space between them, that someone could have slept there.

The next morning Buffy found a mat and some weapons in the large room. After taking a shower she put on clothes for training she had found in the cupboard and started to work out.

When Giles woke up, he did pretty much the same and soon they were training in the large room, as if nothing were out of the order. They weren't as silent as they had been the evening before, but chatted easily with each other.

That went on for three days, in which Buffy refused to talk about their situation. They were given all they needed. Buffy had stayed in the storage room the second night and in the morning the voice had informed her, that she should go into the bedroom, if she wanted fresh fruits. When she had done, the door had closed automatically behind her and an iron wall had been lowered to protect it from any attempts by them to get out. The voice seemed to have been right: They couldn't escape. And still Buffy refused to even think about what they wanted her to do.

Then on the afternoon of their third day in captivity, Giles found Buffy on the bed crying.

"Buffy..."

She just kept sobbing. He didn't want the Council to see her like that any longer than necessary, so he picked her up in his arms and carried her into the bathroom. He sat her down on the ground, so that she could lean her back against the tub. Then he sat down across from her.

When she was halfway under control, she spoke.

"I can't leave you."

"I know that you don't want to, but you... *we* have no choice. And even if I won't be by your side, I'll always be with you in my thoughts."

"Thoughts aren't enough."

"Buffy... Maybe I'll be able to send someone I trust. Maybe you could ask for Wesley for support."

"I don't want someone else. I want you."

"Buffy..."

"No, Giles, they can't force me."

"They need you."

The way he said it made clear that he wasn't talking about the council, but about her friends and loved ones at home on the Hellmouth. She didn't answer. So he spoke again.

"And you know it."

After a while she nodded.

He leaned forward and cupped her face with his hand brushing away the tears. He smiled at her.

"You can calm down a little and then we can tell them, that you're ready."

"No."

"But-"

"I know. And I will go. But not yet. I can't just go if this is the last time we will see each other."

He smiled.

"I'll make a wonderful dinner for us."

Her gaze was serious.

"No, Giles. I mean, you can make a dinner, but... we need to talk."

He looked at her waiting for her to go on.

"I... I want us to speak about all the things we never talked about. I want... I need to know the truth Giles: Do you hate me for wh-"

"I could never hate you!"

"... for what Angel did to Jenny and to you?"

"I could never hate you."

"But it was *my* fault."

"Buffy, this was as much your fault as it was mine or Jenny's. None of us knew what would happen. And you were as much a victim as Jenny or I."

"At Jenny's grave, when I said I was sorry, you didn't say anything."

"There was nothing I had to say. I didn't have to forgive you, because I never blamed you."

"But you blamed Angel."

"I... I can't forgive him what he did to all of us. Mostly what he did to you. But I don't hate him. Having to love you, knowing that you love him back, and still not being able to be with you, is punishment enough. It must be hell and I have to admit, I think *he* deserves it."

He looked at her.

"*You* don't."

"It's over."

"Is it? I hope so. If I had one last wish that would be it. That you find someone, who loves you as much as you deserve to be loved. And that you love him back."

"Giles, you're talking as if you are dying."

"Well, it won't be a difference for you. I'll be gone."

"But you *will* live. I could never agree to leave you, if you wouldn't."

He smiled sadly.

"I...", her face clouded, "... I am sorry, Giles."

"About what?"

"About everything I did to you."

"Buf-"

"No, let me speak. This is our last chance, and I have to tell you. I am sorry about every time I disobeyed not caring about how it would make you feel. I am sorry for disrespecting you and lying to you and not caring about your feelings. I am sorry about Jenny, about what Angel did to you. And if you don't think *that* was my fault, running away certainly was. It was unforgivable to not let you know where I was or if I was alive. And I'm deeply sorry that I hid Angel's return from you. I had no right to do that, to not trust you, and I have no excuse except my fear of your reaction."

"Buf-"

She lifted her hand to stop him.

"Not yet. I... what I regret most though is that in all these years I never really thanked you. For being there for me. For caring about me. For forgiving me. I *am* aware of all these things. I know that I hardly ever let you know. But now I want to tell you. Thank you for everything, Giles. I not only want to thank you, I want to tell you how much you mean to me. Apart from the thousand things I can't imagine doing without you, you have become a friend. Someone I appreciate."

She smiled and looked on the ground then back up to him.

"I love you, Giles."

She could hear his sharp intake of breath.

"It was time to let you know."

She moved forward on her knees and took him into her arms. They sat next to each other for a long while arms fiercly around each other. She wished she had said it before. His grip on her showed her how much he was affected. She could have made him so happy. She could have finally given back something. It would have been so simple. But it had taken the Council to make her tell him how she felt. Once again. Just like it had been the Council, who had mentioned the word 'love' for the first time to describe their feelings. *His* feelings: "... a father's love..."

He had never actually told her that he loved her, but now he would.

She loosened her grip on him to look into his eyes. And what she saw there was breathtaking.

"I love you."

His words were almost a whisper, but together with the look on his face, they shouted out a truth that went beyond the words. She loved him, yes, but what Giles felt for her was so much more. Not a father's love, not a friend's love. He loved her like... one could ever love another person. She was glad that she sat, because she was sure that her legs couldn't have held her up at this point.

In all those years, she had never suspected that his love went beyond friendship or beyond the love of a parent. But it very obviously did.

They were still looking at each other, their faces as close as you could with still seeing the other person clearly.

She didn't know why exactly she did, what she did next, but she felt that it was the right thing to do.

She leaned forward and kissed him. At first slowly and tenderly. She could feel his hesitation to respond, but then he did and the kiss deepened. She moved her arms around his neck and into his hair and opened her mouth wider. He did the same but didn't move his tongue into her, so she did, tasting him, exploring him thoroughly. Her whole body buzzed with the sensation.

How could it be like that? How could kissing Giles affect her so much? In the three years she had known him, she had never thought of him in that way. But right now, she not only enjoyed his tongue that was finally starting its own explorations in her mouth, but she also knew that she wanted more.

Did she love him? Thinking of the look on his face, she knew that her feelings weren't the same. But she wanted him. Not only for her own pleasure, but his. If she would have to leave him, they would at least have something to remember forever. But she knew that he would never let her make love to him, when she didn't really love him.

They came up for air and he looked into her eyes, panting slightly. His hand was on her cheek stroking her sweet face.

"I love you, Buffy."

She looked into his eyes and did what she had to do. And even though she knew it was a lie, it hardly felt like one.

"I love you, too."

They kissed again and then she started unbottoning his shirt and she whispered into his ear.

"Take me to bed."

"They can see us."

"I don't care. Let them switch the monitors off or let them watch. They *are* Watchers, aren't they?"

"If you don't mind."

"I don't care a bit about them. I only care about you."

She kissed him again and he took her in his arms and carried her into the bedroom.

He lay her down on the middle of the bed, then lay down next to her and kissed her.

She had her arms around his neck again and while one of his hands was in her hair, the other pulled her T-shirt out of her trousers. He caressed her stomach and she moved a little onto her side so that he could undo her bra. When he had his hand slid onto her breast at first just stroking it then beginning to knead it. He rubbed her nipple with his thumb, then started to pinch it gently.

She moaned into his mouth then moved her legs on top of him, pushing him so that he lay on his back, then she sat up, straddling him in his stomach. She removed her T-Shirt and the bra and smiled at his face as he looked at her beautiful body in awe. He started his ministrations again, now on both breats, watching her as she closed her eyes and moved her head above him.

"Oh, Giles."

Then she bent down to kiss him again, before moving further so that he could kiss her breast. He did. He kissed, he licked, he sucked and she moaned with the pleasure his talented mouth brought her. While he repeated the action on her other breast, she started to unbutton his shirt again. She had to move further down and kissed him again. She could feel his arousal pressing into her sex and she moved above him, causing him to moan. The shirt was gone in a few seconds, as was the undershirt. She kissed him again, moving down his neck to one of his nipples, repeating what he had done to her earlier. The sensation of her mouth on his chest as well as her occasional pushing onto his penis made him groan.

"Buffy..."

Her hands moved over his body and he finally moved his hands to her head and pulled it to him for another kiss. While their tongues mated once again, he moved his hands between them to the zipper of her trousers. She lifted her body enough that he could open it. He moved his hands to her back then into her underpants to cup her cheeks. She ground herself into him again and heard him moan into her mouth.

She moved her body up and quickly got out of her trousers, underpants, socks and shoes. Then she removed first his shoes and socks, before unzipping his trousers deliberately slowly and with so much pressure on his throbbing member, that he groaned again. She smiled and swiftly pulled down the trousers and underpants freeing his erect penis. She kneeled astride his legs and looked at him before leaning forward and down to examine his straining manhood more closely. She moved one hand around it, revelling in its hardness. He was so ready for her. His moan made clear that this would be over if she started to work in earnest on him. And she needed him to soothe the aching in her core, but yet she wanted to taste him.

She moved her mouth around his tip and licked.

"Buffy!"

She withdrew her head and moved forward rubbing her wet sex along his penis. Then she bent down and kissed him before impaling herself onto his rock-hard shaft. She moaned as he filled her, fitting perfectly, as if they were made for each other. She started to move up and down, clenching her inner muscles around him.

"Buffy...Buffy...Buffy..."

She had lifted her body and could see his face as he sought her eyes. She tried to push him further inside her but felt she couldn't in this position, so she bent down and whispered into his ear.

"I want you on top."

He put his arms around her and in one swift movement she lay on her back and he was between her legs pushing into her. Her legs moved around him and she tried to pull him deeper. Her hands were at the bars at the head of the bed to be able to push against his body even more and she arched her back.

He kept pumping in and out of her and, realizing her need to feel him as deep inside her as possible, increased the pressure.

"Oh, yes, Giles... deeper, deeper..."

His thrusts were hard and deep, driving into her, just as she wanted them. She wanted to feel him so deep, that he would leave a mark that would never fade. Something she would never forget.

When she finally felt that he filled her whole body, she let go and clenching around his pounding penis began to climax. At the same time he stopped his movement and kept still for a few seconds, while his straining member seemed to get even larger and harder, filling with all his desire and love. Then he thrust forward again for a last time. Hard and deep, filling her to overflowing, pushing her over the edge. She screamed his name and he exploded into her, his seed bathing her walls. His release was soundless. They both convulsed several seconds, before he collapsed on top of her.

They arms were around each other and they were panting.

After a while, when he was a little under control again, he whispered into her ear.

"I love you, Buffy."

Her grip tightened involuntarily. She should say that she loved him, too, but she felt she couldn't. She couldn't lie to him. Not after this. She had never experienced anything like that. Not in her dreams and certainly not that one time with Angel. He had branded her forever.

And she would have to leave him.

She tried to imagine it, tried to imagine herself walking out of this room, but only could imagine running back into his arms to repeat this experience. Not only the mind-blowing sex itself, but the love in his eyes and right now lying in each others arms. He was still inside her, not as big as before, but inside her nevertheless, a part of her. And she relished every second. Angel had slid out of her immediately. But there were other differences. Giles felt so hot and she could feel him breathing on top of her and his heart beating fast but steadily. And if she woke up next to him, the only thing she would see in his eyes would be love. She realized that she wanted to wake up next to him. That she couldn't go before that.

She once again tried to imagine leaving him. No, she couldn't. Then it struck her. Another difference between him and Angel: The seed he had shot into her, when he had come, could produce life. She could have a child, *his* child. Something she could take with her, something that would always remind her of him. Something that would be proof of their love.

Yes, love. Thinking of the look in his face, she knew that she didn't feel the same, but realizing, that she would only leave him, carrying his child, she knew that she loved him in her own way.

She whispered into his ear.

"I love you. And I want to carry your child."

He lifted his body far enough to look into her eyes.

"Buffy... you... you said, you would go."

"I will. But not alone. And if I can't go with you, I'll go knowing that I carry our child."

"Buffy..."

"I love you, Giles."

"I love you, too. And knowing that we have a child, even if I can never see it, will make me the happiest man on earth."

They kissed. For a long time. And then they made love again. And again. And again.

That went on for almost two weeks. They made love, only interrupting to eat, train, sleep or use the bathroom. And sometimes they managed to combine these activities with making love. (They grew quite attached to the tub and the shower :-)

Then one day, when they were training (really training, with clothes on and everything), they heard the voice again.

"Sorry to interrupt your training, but we have a visitor for you. I am aware of your decision Ms. Summers to only leave when you are pregnant by Mr. Giles, but maybe this can encourage you to change your mind or if it doesn't at least it will perhaps make it easier to leave him eventually."

"Buffy?"

"Wesley?"

"Yes, it's me. I... I convinced the Council, that I would make good Watcher and could be of assistance, since I know the special circumstances of the Hellmouth and our little group. I will try my best to help you, I can assure you. I even bought a jeep. Cordelia helped to pick it out. I... you know you can trust me. You saved my life a couple of times. Vampires, demons, even from drowning. I'll be a good watcher to you. We *need* you on the Hellmouth."

< Drowning?! > Neither Giles nor Buffy flinched, but they had both heard it.

"We can't do it without you. So please think about it. We need you as soon as possible."

"I think that's enough Mr. Wyndam-Pryce. Ms. Summers, Mr. Giles. Mr. Wyndam-Pryce is coming from Sunnydale, so I can assure you he knows what he is talking about. You might want to consider this. Your family and friends live there after all."

That was all. Buffy and Giles stood motionless. Then she dragged him into the bathroom.

Her arms flung around him and she started weeping. She didn't know what exactly Wesley had tried to tell them, but she knew that she had never saved him from drowning and that he must have some kind of plan if he made up something like that. She knew that the Council couldn't tell, that it were tears of happiness not fear. They couldn't be sure if the Council monitored the bathroom as well, so she whispered into his ear, between sobbs.

"What did he mean?"

He just stroked her head then kissed her. He started to remove her clothes and although she was a little surprised, she helped him. When she was naked, he removed his own clothes, then brushed her tears away.

"Let's wash those tears away."

He led her into the shower and when the water was running over their bodies he kissed her. Then he whispered into her ear.

"It must be something with water."

She finally understood. He kissed his way to her neck and she moved up her head to inconspicuously inspect the ceiling and the wall, the water came from, but she couldn't see anything, that seemed different than before.

She dragged his face to hers kissing him again, before moving to his ear, nibbling it to conceal her whisper, should they be able to see them.

"I can't see anything."

He moved his head upwards and she kissed his neck, while he took a look at the source of the water. Nothing. Nothing that could help them out. The pipe coming out of the wall was not even big enough to carry a knife, not that a knife would help them. They did have weapons after all. But since they were always locked into the bedroom, when the door to their prison was opened, weapons were of no use. He kissed her again, not knowing what to tell her. How to crush her hopes.

So he moved his hands over her body as he had so often in the past weeks. He began to make love to her, while his mind kept wandering over what Wesley could have meant if not water or the bathroom. 'Drowning'.

He slid himself into Buffy, who wrapped her legs around him, while her back was against the tiles. He started pumping. But this time the word repeating in his head was not "Buffy...Buffy...Buffy..." but 'Drowning', again and again. He couldn't concentrate on his task and slid out of her, kneeling down and moving his tongue onto her clit and between her slick lips. She was wet. He couldn't see it with the water rolling down her body, but he knew the taste of her juices by now.

Then it hit him. The others couldn't get in, nor could they get them out. Nothing could get in and out, except what did all the time: For example the water. He quickly thought over, what it could be that they put into the water, so that it wouldn't change it's color or taste. Something that could help them to get out and then he knew it.

Buffy had her hands on his hair, complaining that he had stopped.

"Giles..."

Now he got to his feet again and entered her with one thrust, his penis suddenly rock-hard.

"Oh, Giles."

He hammered into her whispering into her ear. Not vows of love this time, but their plan: The only thing he could think of was a spell to make them invisible. He had used it relatively often in his Ripper days, but stopped later, because it was hard to get the needed liquid (if you didn't steal it). He wasn't sure if it was what Wesley had wanted to show them, but if it was, then he would chant a spell to make them invisible. They could walk out of the bathroom and the bedroom without being noticed. Both doors were still open and the cameras wouldn't see them. This could of course only work if the bathroom was not monitored, but they had no other chance.

They climaxed together, brought to the edge by their movements, but also by the hope to get out. Together.

He turned the water off and led her onto the bathroom mat. Then he slowly chanted a spell in a foreign language, holding her hands as he did. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply before speaking a last word a little louder.

Then he was gone. Not really gone. She could still feel his hands holding hers, but she couldn't see him any longer.

It had worked!

She looked down and could see the prints their feet made on the mat. Then they moved towards the door. She stopped and held him back picking up a towel to dry her wet hair, then her body. He did the same, wondering for the first time, how warm it would be outside. What an irony, if they got out and died freezing over the night. When they were dry they slowly moved out of the bathroom into the bedroom. They tried to make no noise and it took them several minutes to cross the room and enter the large room. They moved to the door that was protected by a wall of iron and waited next to it. They had waited three hours, when suddenly the door to the bedroom closed and they heard the iron wall lowered down. Then the one next to them was moving upward to reveal the door, that would lead them to freedom. It opened and a man came in pushing a trolley with food inside. They carefully moved out of the large room into the long hall. When the man came back they pressed their bodies to the wall, to let him pass without noticing them. He didn't even flinch. At the end of the hall a man was sitting on a chair, reading a paper. They moved past him without being noticed.

They went through a larger room and then up the stairs. Giles was ever grateful, that they didn't just have lifts in this building.

They went upstairs and came into a small room, that finally led them to the grand entrance they had come through two and a half weeks earlier. They waited next to the door until someone got in and out and they could get out without having to push the doors themselves.

When they were outside and alone, Giles breathed in the air and then shuddered. This was England not California and since it was quite late their bodies began to cool rapidly. He took her in his arms to warm her and then they started to walk away from the building to look for something that could help them to get away. The others wouldn't be so stupid to just drive by in a car, but maybe they had something else...

Buffy saw it first.

She took Giles hand and directed it to a open jeep.

"Wesley's?"

They walked towards it and hanging from the mirrow was a picture of Cordelia.

They took a good look around to see if anyone was there then climbed inside trying to move the car as little as possible. They lay down, Buffy half on top of Giles.

After three hours, when the sun had just set, they heard someone open the door. Wesley got in and drove away, giving no evidence that he was expecting them. They didn't move.

After an hour he suddenly spoke.

"Are you there?"

They hesitated a second before Giles answered.

"Yes."

Wesley let out a sigh of relief.

"Thank God. I can't believe it actually worked."

"Why wouldn't it? It was a brilliant plan, carried out well. Who's idea was it?"

"Actually all of us. Willow managed to cast a counterspell, that allowed her to remember what had happened even after they used a brainwashing spell. She then returned their memory. Cordelia informed me and I told them about what was likely to have happened."

"That we were their captives."

"Yes. And I told them about the room. That there was no way to escape, that you are monitored, except in the bathroom and that they use a protection spell. It was Oz who suggested invisibility and Xander, how to get the liquid to you. Then I got here and with Cordelias help, she... ehm, distracted the caretaker, while I applied the little machine, that inserted the liquid into the water. Oz and Xander built it."

"Together?"

"It was perfect team work. Well, perfect, except for the fact that it took so long. I am sorry."

"Please, Wesley. I thought I'd never see Giles again and you are sorry for being so late. I can't thank you enough."

He took a blanket, that was in the seat next to him and tossed it back to them.

"If you don't sit, you can put that on. It's getting quite cold. We'll be there in half an hour."

They put the blanket on them cuddling against each other.

After a while Wesley spoke again.

"The Council told me that you became... intimate?"

Neither of them answered and Wesley didn't ask again.

After a while he stopped and led them into a small house, where Cordelia hugged them as soon as they entered.

They still had their arms around each other and the blanket around them.

"We should take a photo of you. That sure is a sight you don't get everyday."

"Where are the others?"

"We thought it was better if the others stayed in Sunnydale. We didn't want them to get suspicious."

"And I'm here as his girl-friend. The Council doesn't know about that disaster of a kiss after all."

Wesley turned around to her, but she motioned him to go on.

He led them into a small bedroom.

"You'll find everything you need to get visible again. There's also some food and fresh clothes."

He left and Cordelia smiled at where she thought their faces had to be and then followed Wesley after closing the door.

They put down the blanket and Giles prepared the undo-spell.

Five minutes later they stood hand in hand and naked in the bedroom.

When she saw him, she couldn't help the awkwardness that crept into her.

He seemed to sense it and let go her hands. He smiled at her but she just looked at the ground.

Everything was different now. She didn't want to look into his eyes. She didn't want to see the love. Because she could only think of the moment she had realized how much he loved her and what she had thought of her own feelings: That she didn't return his love.

His smile faded away as if he could read her mind. Extreme situations caused extreme reactions. He knew it. He thought of Jenny's death and about something he had realized only a short while ago. If she hadn't died he would have never loved her the way he did after her murder. If he had truly loved her at all. Buffy had thought that she would lose him forever. And now that she realized she wouldn't, her feelings weren't the same. He considered if he wouldn't have rather stayed forever in that room, letting her go to carry their child and live seperated from him, than to share his life with her, knowing that she loved him, but not the way he loved her. But thinking about that was useless. They *had* escaped.

He took the pyjamas that lay on the bed and went to the bathroom, closing the door but not locking it. In the past weeks they had always left all the doors open. But she didn't come in.

After he had closed the door Buffy had put on the pyjamas laid out for her and slid under the cover of the large bed.

Now she was trying to think about her feelings for Giles. The last two weeks had been wonderful beyond imagination. And she couldn't imagine being without him for a couple of hours or not waking up next to him. But all of these images were connected with the rooms they had been held in. And waking up alone in her bed in Sunnydale seemed as impossible as waking up next to him in his bed in his appartment. They had two possiblities. To get back to Sunnydale and pretend that nothing had happened or... what or? Living with Giles? Marrying him? It sounded ridiculous. She was aware that she had been willing to return carrying his child, but that would have been different. The others would have understood. That she wanted to have someone to remind her of Giles. But she would have stayed their friend Buffy Summers. Teenager. Even if she was a mother. She would have been one of them. She *was* one of them. And somehow being with Giles, living with him didn't fit into that picture. And there still was this doubt.

Sure she had loved him in the last two weeks, but... had it been real? Her initial reaction had been, that she didn't love him. At least not the way he loved her. And when she *had* decided she loved him, it had been in their 'prison'. It had been with the knowledge that she would never see him again. But that kind of love wasn't enough in the 'Real World'. She wondered what had happened if she had found out about his feelings in Sunnydale. On a normal day. What would she have thought and said? What would have happened? Most importantly, would she have returned his love?

She didn't know, and that alone filled her heart with sadness, because she felt, that if she really loved him, she wouldn't have to think about it. As it was she could only do one thing: Hurt him. Again. She didn't want to. She never wanted to and yet she did it again and again.

Tears were running down her cheeks and when she heard the bathroom door open she turned to her side away from him, so that he couldn't see her face. He lay down next to her at the edge of the bed.

"Good-night."

He didn't expect her to answer and lay awake for another hour, fighting the tears he finally couldn't hold back. He didn't make any noise, just let them flow, like the hopes he had had for the future.

*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*

The others had welcomed them enthusiastically, telling them about the vampires and demons they had fighted and listening to their story. Not that they had much to tell. They had been held captive by the council, who wanted her to leave Giles, but she couldn't right away, not wanting to give up the hope, that they would help them out. (At this the others gleamed with pride.) They had trained, talked and read and that was about it until Wesley had rescued them.

Willow had asked Buffy later how Giles looked naked, but she told her that she of course had closed her eyes.

Things went on as usual. At least superficially. Because in reality everything was different between Buffy and Giles. They talked only when they had to and they hardly ever looked at each other. Giles never said a word, but that made it worse. She knew how much she had hurt him. And his silence was killing her. It was eating her up, until the others noticed as well. She hardly ever laughed, was constantly sad or even bitter and when she trained or slayed an underlying wrath fought its way to the surface that was frightening.

Finally after a week Willow approached her.

"Can I... can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"When you were held by the Council, did they... do something to you?"

Buffy looked at her. Willow hesitated then spoke what was on her mind.

"Did they abuse you?"

Buffy's eyes widened in shock. Was that, what her friends were thinking? Was that the impression she made? After two weeks that had felt like heaven?

It was enough. She turned to Willow and assured her that they hadn't done anything to her. Then she went to see Giles.

He opened quickly to her furious knocking.

"Buffy, come in, what is it?"

"We need to talk."

He stepped aside and she walked in straight to the couch.

He sat down next to her.

"What do you want to talk about?"

"It can't go on like this. Do you know what Willow just asked me?"

He shook his head.

"If I was abused, while they held us captive. Abused!"

He looked terrified.

"And do you know what I wanted to tell her? I wanted to tell her: 'No, Willow, I wasn't abused. I had two wonderful weeks with a wonderful man. And it wasn't hell it was heaven.'"

He looked at her saying nothing.

"Giles, you love me."

"I know that."

"Then why don't you do something?"

"What can I do?"

"Fight! You never said a word. Never demanded an explanation. Aren't you feeling anything?"

"Of course I-"

"Then open you mouth! Tell me what you feel. Yell! Scream! 'How could you do this to me?'. 'I love you.' Anything!"

"Buffy, it isn't your fault. You didn't know that you were lying when you told me that you loved me."

"I did. I knew when I first told you."

"But not after we made love."

She looked down, then up again into his face.

"How can you just sit there and live with it? After all we had?"

"I have no choice."

"Of course! You could at least try. You tried to win back Jenny, am I not worth the same effort?"

His voice became louder now.

"Buffy, these two weeks were the most wonderful time of my life! I'll treasure them forever and I choose to believe that you *did* love me in those two weeks, at least in some way. But I could never force feelings on you that aren't there."

"How do you know if you don't try?"

"Do you love me?"

"I don't know!"

She jumped up from the couch, pacing in front of him. He watched her.

"I cannot try if I'm not sure. I couldn't live with losing you again. We both couldn't. It would be the end of our relationship."

She stopped in front of him.

"We don't *have* a relationship any longer, can't you see that? Giles, you can't even look at me, when we're in the same room. The past is gone. We can't go back. And if we want to have a future, you have to fight for it."

"Why *I*?"

"Because you are the one who is sure. You know that you love me. God, Giles, you made love to me a hundred times in just two weeks. Don't you want to feel that again?"

"I do!"

"Then fight. Make me love you! I know that you can!"

It was enough. He got up and kissed her almost violently. Her arms flew up around his neck and she responded in kind, starting to rip his clothes off him.

They came up for air.

"You don't make this fight very hard for me."

"Take me to bed!"

He did. They made love. Fast, hard, rough. When he collapsed on top of her all the anger and passion dissolved and she hugged him to her. She whispered into his ear.

"I love you, Giles."

He looked into her eyes.

"I mean it this time. I love you, Giles, and I want to be with you for the rest of my life, no matter where we are."

"I love you, too."

They cuddled together.

"You really didn't know, did you?"

"I wasn't sure until you kissed me."

"Then I'm glad that you made me."

He kissed her.

"I had no choice. When Willow asked me if they abused me it opened my eyes. It couldn't go on like that. I really *wanted* to love you. I just needed your help to find out if I *could*."

"You can."

"Yes. I can and I do. As much as you love me and that is almost frightening, because I think I've never seen anyone more in love with someone, than you were in love with me."

"Are."

"What?"

"I *wasn't* so much in love with you, I *am*."

"Yes."

She looked into his eyes and kissed him again.

"I'm sorry that I hurt you."

"Don't be. It was how you felt. Anything else would have been a lie."

"But it would have been so much easier. Less painful."

"We cannot choose how we feel. I've loved you for a long time now and it has brought me the deepest pain and the greatest joy. But I don't regret anything."

"I keep wondering, when I fell in love with you. Was it when you kissed me downstairs? Or when I realized that I couldn't go on like this? Or when we made love for the first time? Or when I saw the love in your eyes for the first time? Maybe I loved you even before that."

"Does it really matter?"

"I guess not."

They kissed again and started to make love. Gently and tenderly this time.

When he moved in and out of her, Buffy's mind wandered back to the night after their liberation. When she had felt that being with Giles would take away something of her own identity. And that she couldn't be a friend to Willow, Xander, Oz and Cordelia. Would no longer be one of them. Sure, she wouldn't be the same old Buffy Summers. She would be Buffy Giles (probably) and she would wake up next to her husband and not alone as the average teenager. And yes, it would change things a little. But they were her friends. They had saved him, in a sense both of them. They would be surprised and maybe even a little disgusted (she could imagine Xander's face, if she told him the truth about those weeks), but what was most important to them would never change. They would always love her.

She realized that their teenage days would be over sooner or later anyway. They would grow up (even Xander) and they would change, but they would always be friends. She had thought that she could no longer be Buffy Summers, when she was with Giles and she was right. But it didn't matter, because the person (not the teenager, not the slayer, not the adult), they called their friend was just Buffy. And she'd always remain that.

She felt a relief at that thought. And finally she could give herself up to the pleasure the man she loved was bringing to her.

THE END