Suppose We Die
By Arkin

TITLE: Suppose We Die
AUTHOR: Arkin
E-MAIL: arkina@trendline.co.il
RATING: PG
FEEDBACK: Yes please!
DISTRIBUTION: The New Buffy/Giles Relationshippers, all others please ask.
DISCLAIMER: Joss owns all.


Where was he? Where WAS HE? Why wasn't he near the crowd, in one of the ambulances, in one of the police cars? Where?

Buffy ran around, the burning building, the light from the police cars, the crowd, the water from the fire department hoses, they did nothing but disorient her. She ran around in circles, pushing people away from her, grabbing others to see who they were. Running, covering as much ground as she could, screaming his name at the top of her smoke filled lungs.

'Giles! Giles!!! Where are you?'

She continued running, hardly seeing anything through the smoke and the crowd. 'GILES!!!'

She steeped on something, and crouched down to see what it was.

She would recognize them everywhere. She had spent so much time staring at them, she could imagine them on his face, or being taken off in a nervous action. She sobbed, but determined that he had merely dropped them, got up and started running again, until she slid down the side of one of the fire trucks, sobbing horribly, clutching the glasses to her. She gathered her knees to her chest and rested her head against them, tears streaking down her face.

A medic crouched down beside her. 'Are you alright?'

'Giles...'

'Is that your name?'

'I can't find him.'

'I'll find him for you. Giles you said?'

She sobbed again, nodding slightly.

The medic left her, and another medic approached with a cup of tea she refused. People were talking about her, but she was paying them no attention, crying horribly and twisting the already smashed glasses in her powerful grip.

He was dead. She lost him, after all those demons, to a stupid fire. She couldn't lose him, she needed him so much, wanted him near her, guiding her and caring for her. He loved her in some way, she knew that, maybe it was a father's love. Maybe it was more, maybe even less. She didn't care. She would live with any amount of love from him, as long as he was around to provide it.

But she couldn't find him. She hadn't seen him leave the building, his glasses had blood on them, he was no where around and he wasn't near her. And she wanted him near her so badly. Wanted him to put a hand on her shoulder, the closest physical contact he had ever initiated out side of training. She wanted him to tell her that everyone was just fine, that she did a good job with the demon, that he'll give her a ride home.  

Where was he? He couldn't leave her. He wouldn't. He knew how much she needed him, even if she never said anything. She couldn't. She was always afraid she'd say too much, that he'll find out how much she loved him and would freak, in a more British manner...

This was it. This night was the last she'll ever see of him. But she needed him... he had to train her, he had to help her with history!!! He couldn't just leave her to deal with that alone?! He was the only guy in the world that knew how many king Henry's there were. And he took care of her. He would never leave her. He said so himself. 'I'm not going anywhere'. What was he backing out on his promise? Giles didn't do that.

Giles... didn't die. He got hit over the head and he got shot with a trank dart and he got choked but he never died. How could he have died tonight? How could he leave her because of a fire? How could he do that, he cared for her too much to die. Didn't he? Wasn't he supposed to always come back to her?

He... What would she do? She loved him so much, needed him. Could she go on without him? She'll have to, won't she? He... He...
 
'Buffy?'

Her head shot up at the voice. He looked terrible, scratched, bruised and a little bleeding, but he was standing up... 

She reached her arms up for him and he bent low, grasping her sides right under her arms and lifting her like a little kid, hugging her tightly as she wrapped her self around him. She cried into his shoulder as he shushed her, stroking her head and back.

'I thought you were dead...'

'I'm not, I'm right here. It's all right, Buffy, please don't cry. I'm fine. We're both fine.'

'I thought I lost you, and I never even told you how much I care about you and appreciate everything you do for me. You almost died without knowing how much I love you.'

His hand stopped in the middle of her back at those last words. No she didn't mean it like that. She meant like she loves her mother. Didn't she?

She pulled back a little, her arms circling his neck, her eyes red and her cheeks puffed. She looked at him for a long time, than slowly moved her head forward, until her lips were a mere centimeter from his.

'I thought you were gone.'

Her breath on his lips made something in him ache. 'I'm right here.'

'With me?'

'With you. Always with you.'

Slowly, she brought her head forward the remaining centimeter. Her lips met his, and for a second she froze with fear. What would he do?

He kissed her. Her breath flow out and she moved her hands to his head, playing with his hair. When they finally came up for air, she pressed her forehead to his and looked into his shining eyes.

'I love you.'

'I love you too.'

She moved her head back to his shoulder and hugged him a little tighter as he carried her away from the fire to his car, all the while stroking her back and head. She moved her hands to his chest, feeling his heart beat.

'Ho my. What happened to my glasses?'    

END