DISTRIBUTION: Solo84, Cap, Dria14, Eskalade, Jess, Sai. Others
please ask first.
SPOILERS: actually none
FEEDBACK: My first fic involving character death, so please tell
me how I did it.
SUMMARY: Far in the future Giles is at Buffy's grave... B/G
WARNING: Buffy is dead!
DISCLAIMER: The characters are the property of Joss Whedon,
Mutant Enemy, Sandollar Productions, Kuzui Enterprises, 20th
Century Fox Television, the WB Television Network, and whoever
else may have a hold on them. I do not mean to infringe upon any
I read 'I lied' by Janine Ose and loved it, but I generally don't
like to support either Buffy or Giles committing suicide, when
the other is gone, because that would justify all those B/A
Shippers who believe Buffy shouldn't move on after Angel left. So
in my fic Buffy is dead, and Giles is happily remarried. And now
that you expect the worst go ahead and read ;-)
(I guess Buffy's birthday should be the 19th, but since it was
never mentioned explicitely I take the 18th (because that's my
birthday ;-) )
He smiled down at her grave from his wheelchair. They had brought
him here to visit her one last time before he would finally
follow her. After over 30 years.
Elizabeth Anne Giles
January 18th 1981 - February 23rd 2004
He couldn't see well enough to make out the words, but he could
clearly see them in his mind. There was no other inscription for
nothing had seemed quite adequate. Buffy was what she had been to
all of them and that was why he couldn't have borne not to have
this name on the gravestone.
He saw the blurry shade of what must have been fresh flowers. He
wondered who had put them there. Willow? No, not Willow, he had
to remind himself. She was dead of course. For twenty years now.
Her grave was somewhere close by. He looked around him, but
didn't quite remember. Where were Xander and Greg? It took him a
moment before he saw them. Xander was leaning against Greg.
He sometimes wondered how he could still cry after so many years.
He himself had only cried once about Buffy's death and that
wasn't grief, but the happiness of the few years they had been
given together. Four children in as many years. As if she had
known there wasn't much time. He remembered how he had held
Xander at Buffy's funeral. He had been the only one who hadn't
cried. Willow, Oz, Angel, Cordelia. And Xander had been sobbing
in his arms until Cordelia had gently taken over.
It was their child that Xander was crying over now. Sweet little
Cassie, who had been as beautiful as her mother and as stubborn
and intolerable, if lovable as her father. He smiled at the
memory of the vivacious little girl with her long dark hair.
Couldn't Xander remember her? Couldn't he be happy for what they
had been given even if only for 9 years? And she didn't have to
suffer. Not like his poor Buffy. She had been in much pain, but
even as she did her last breath she had smiled up at him and he
had smiled back, because he couldn't do anything else, whenever
she looked at him with her loving gaze. And that was what he
remembered. Her smile, her life. He had promised her. Not with
words, but it was what she had wanted just as he would have
wanted her to go on had he been the first to die. And he had
He was aware though that it wasn't easy. Not for all of them. Not
for Xander. And not for Cordelia. Loosing her daughter to her
best friend... no, he had to correct himself, Willow had of
course been dead then already, but the demon that had taken over
her body had taken the life of Xander and Cordelia's daughter.
And losing the child she had been carrying in that difficult time
had been too much. She had killed herself a month later.
And for a while it had seemed they would lose Xander, too. He had
been the one who had staked Willow, had found his daughter and
his wife dead within three months. He was glad that Anna had
entered his life by then, taking a little of his responsibility
with his children. She had immediately fallen in love with them.
Even before she had fallen in love with him. She had given him
the time it took to take care of Xander. He had spent much time
with him, talking about his work, better times, but mostly just
uninteresting, but amusing little things from his own past. And
one day, when he had almost given up hope, Xander had started to
laugh at one of his stories, before breaking down and weeping in
his arms. He had cried so much already, but it hadn't been
enough. Life still wasn't easy after that, but he lived on.
"Oh, I'm sorry, Buffy, my dear, I must be depressing you.
And it's not as if you don't know all of this. I bet Cordelia is
right by your side now and you're exchanging insults. If she's
not combing Cassie's long her. A hundred brushes a day."
He smiled. He was looking forward to seeing them all again. He
knew that he would die soon. They all knew.
"Soon you'll be with her again," his wife had told him,
not in any way jealous, and as so often he thought, how much he
loved her, something he hadn't thought possible after Buffy's
Xander and his son approached him.
"Shall we go home, Dad?"
Greg nodded and he and Xander left him alone, walking past the
graves arm in arm. It made him smile as always. He clearly
remembered the day when aged 16 Greg had just casually mentioned
between two bites of toast, that he was gay. He hadn't been
surprised. Neither of them had. Liz had just looked over the book
she had been reading and said "I knew that." to no one
in particular. That had been it. It had been more difficult for
Xander. He wasn't gay, but the thought that there was something
else beside his interest in women had been strange.
Well, he couldn't resist Gregory. Even at sixteen he was charming
in a very mature way. Shy and unbelievably handsome. Over the
years there had been more than one girl to comment 'He's too
goodlooking. He has to be married or gay.'
Giles chuckled quietly.
He was both now, and Giles wouldn't have believed that he would
live to witness his son's wedding to another man. Not in this
country. But he had. He had seen that and he had seen his
children grow up to have their own children. Well, Matt and Carol
at least. Liz had managed to get married three times, but still
had no children.
They were all at home now. They had come to say good-bye. He
would have to go soon. They would all want to talk to him
seperately and he felt tired. What was he going to tell them?
What did they expect? He knew that they were looking up to him as
if he was wiser than all of them. As if he knew the secret to
living happily until the age of 80. But he didn't know the
secret. If he did, he would have told Xander. Or Cordelia. Or
Liz. Maybe it was just not letting the bad get to you. To eat you
up, to take over your life. You had to let love in your life.
Give it and take it. That was what he had always done. Or at
least tried. It had been easier after knowing that Buffy loved
Oh, his Buffy. His memories had faded over the last couple of
years. There were so many things he couldn't remember anymore.
But Buffy he could always see as clearly as if she were standing
right in front of him. Smiling up with that loving gaze.
Could you make love in heaven? And should he be thinking about
that? He wondered if he would be young again. The way she must
remember him. She had always teased him about his age. Sometimes
at the most inappropriate times, such as when they were about to
climax, but he knew that she never really thought he was old. Or
at least too old for her.
She had been so proud of him. After that first sweet kiss in the
front door of what had then been his home, she hadn't hesitated
to let the world know she was in love with him. She had beamed at
their wedding and he remembered a few whispers, gasps and
giggles, when she had put her hands on his butt and pushed her
tongue into his mouth after it had been announced that they were
husband and wife and that he 'may kiss the bride'. She hadn't
cared, just loved the way he had blushed.
She had carried his children as proudly as her wedding band.
Sometimes she had been asked why she didn't wait with the
marriage or the children. And she had simply answered "For
what?". In him she had found everything she had been looking
for. Even if it had taken her quite a while to find that out. But
once she had, she couldn't wait - with anything.
Yes, that first kiss had been gentle, but after a quiet "I
love you, Rupert Giles." the second kiss had followed and it
had been so passionate that he had found himself pinned to the
ground within seconds. It had taken all his willpower and
condsiderable amount of talking (or actually begging) to make her
pause long enough for them to go to the bedroom.
He would never forget the ecstacy of that first time. He hadn't
believed it could be that way. So all-consuming. Her soft flesh
beneath his. Their bodies finally united - together with every
other aspect of their being. They had become *one* that day.
Making love was a way to express that unity and he had enjoyed
every time. Four wonderful children had come from their union,
although he did not pretend that it was *them* that made him
cherish their sex. It was the overwhelming pleasure, that had
never failed to set a fire in both of them.
He didn't notice the slight chill outside as his body warmed with
the memories of thousands of nights and mornings and afternoons,
where at the feeling of her soft skin in his hands the only
reason for knowing his own name was because she repeated it over
and over. He had lost himself in her every time, but she had
always found him. He could almost feel her touch, her hot breath
on his neck and - elsewhere.
He slowly opened his eyes, an almost-grin playing on his face.
Xander took a close look at him.
"You were having naughty thoughts. And not about your wife,
I dare say."
"She *is* my wife."
"Well, not the one waiting at home for you. I think, you've
been having very naughty Watcher/Slayer thoughts. Don't try to
His grin widened and Xander could very clearly see the man Buffy
had fallen in love with all those years ago.
Greg started to wheel his father away.
"And I thought guys get to control this when they get
"Why? You're not trying to back out of your marital duties,
are you?. My son is after all 19 years younger. I hope you can
satisfy him at least a couple of more years before you succumb to
old age. And don't be ashamed if it does happen. I think he'll be
perfectly willing to assist you in any way he can."
Xander blushed furiously, while his husband just smiled.
Somewhere far away and yet very close, Cassie looked curiously at
"What are you thinking about, Buffy?"
She stared into eternity a wicked smile playing on her face.
Cordelia, looking exactly the way she had the day Cassie was
born, put her hands on her daughter's shoulder.
"I think you are too young to hear that."
Suddenly Buffy's smile turned into a grin.
"Boy, I think even *I* am too young to hear that."
"I think we should leave her alone for a while."
Willow took Cassie's hand and together the three of them walked
Buffy closed her eyes and her grin was replaced with a serious,
but gentle smile.
"Soon, Rupert. Soon."
Note: Now tell me the truth was it so bad? See? A future fic
with one of our loved ones dead doesn't have to be depressing...