FEEDBACK: Oh yes please!
SUMMARY: Pain; resurrection; death; sacrifice; love; sex.
TIMELINE: season 5, after "The Gift"
DISTRIBUTION: Gabi; Watching You, Watching Me.
DISCLAIMER: The characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar Productions, Kuzui Enterprises, 20th Century Fox Television and the UPN Television Network. The story is written for the pleasure of the author and readers, and has no lucrative purpose whatsoever. Please do not reproduce this story anywhere without the author's consent.
NOTES: very sad! I was not in a good mood when I wrote this fic, so brace yourself.
DEDICATION: To Caz my wonderful beta reader. Thank you!
Rupert Giles stopped in the middle of the recent graves of the Restfield's cemetery and roared:
"Hey! Vampires, I'm here!" He swallowed a last mouthful of Scotch and dropped the empty bottle at his feet. "What are you waiting for? Get out of your graves and bite me! Come on kill me!"
"If you wish it … "
A vampire suddenly appeared near the Watcher. He growled and punched him. Giles staggered and touched on his mouth, felt the salty and metallic taste of his blood on his split lips. Both hands of the vampire closed around his throat and he began to choke.
Giles shivered feeling the fetid breath of the vampire near the nape of his neck. It was the end, so he waited. He closed his eyes and got ready to suffer. The pain would be brief and the death quick.
The vampire suddenly exploded in cloud of dust. Giles subsided grumbling with contrariety. A hand settled on his shoulder. He turned around and raised his eyes to see another vampire armed with a stake. A good one this time, or almost, it was Spike.
Spike furrowed his nose. Giles stank of alcohol.
"You're drunk Watcher." He said.
Giles shook his head. "Yea I am!"
"What are you doing here alone, without a weapon and especially drunk? Are you trying to make an easy kill of yourself?"
"Indeed! And you prevented that vampire from doing it!" Giles grumbled, getting up.
Spike blinked. "Have you suddenly gone crazy? Why do you want to die Giles?"
Giles sat down on a gravestone with a drawn face. "Yes. What's the point in continuing to live?" He said gloomily. "Buffy's dead. My life ended when she died."
Giles buried his face in his hands and began sobbing without shame, like a child.
"Okay, Watcher, go to your place." Spike said putting a friendly hand on Giles's shoulder. "You need to rest."
Giles nodded. < Yes, rest in peace. >
* * *
Giles squeezed the handle of the dagger in his left hand, took a deep breath and brutally sank the long blade into his stomach. He roared with pain and fell to his knees in front of the grave. He then put the bloody blade to his throat. He was going to end the pain.
"Good bye Buffy."
The Watcher drew the blade across his throat, cutting the flesh as well as the carotid. His cry of agony lasted hardly a second before being transformed into a hideous choking gurgle.
Giles felt an intense burning and was overcome with dizziness. He fell like a deadweight. He lay sprawled on his back, his features contorted with suffering, his mouth open wide, snatching the wet night air. His vision weakened and the stars above him blurred. He was shaken by spasms, which tensed and relaxed his muscles. A wave of cold overwhelmed him, his ears buzzed, and he felt his body begin to get heavy. He closed his eyes and died. He didn't see a slingshot of white light escaping from his body, floating a moment above then diving towards the grave. Passing through the ground, and the lid of the coffin coming to strike the heart of Buffy Summers.
* * *
Cordelia opened the door of the big black car and moved to the next one from it. She shivered from head to toe. She hated cemeteries. Especially Sunnydale ones. Angel and Wesley got out of the vehicle. They both looked gloomy and sad. The vampire suddenly frowned.
"Blood!" He said.
"What? You still hungry?" Cordelia wondered. "You drank almost two pint's of blood just half an hour ago."
Angel shook his head. "No, the smell of blood. There's a lot of blood around. Somebody is badly injured or dead."
He rushed in the cemetery. Wesley and Cordelia did their best to follow him. Guided by his vampire's sense of smell, Angel shortly discovered Giles's bloodless corpse.
"Oh no!" He moaned kneeling down near the Watcher's dead body. "Oh no Giles." "It looks like he committed suicide." Cordelia said, looking very pale pointing out the dagger in Giles's hand. "Poor Giles. He couldn't bear Buffy's death. He so loved her."
Wesley collected the book of magic, which was in the grass, lying next to Buffy's grave.
"Yes, he indeed committed suicide. Giles offered his life energy to Buffy to resurrect her." He said.
"That is going to work?" Cordelia asked, stunned.
Wesley nodded. "Yes."
"Cordelia, could you go and get the blanket which is in the car? I'm going to cover Giles's body up."
"Yes, at once." She ran in the direction of the car, her face wet with tears that were rolling down her cheeks.
"I should have known that Giles would do that." Angel said with a drawn face. "Buffy was everything to him."
Wesley wiped his tears with his white handkerchief and sniffed. "Yes, he loved her as if she was his own daughter. It's because of that the Council fired him."
Angel took Giles's stiff and cold hand. He quivered remembering all the horrible tortures, Angelus had put him through, and he hadn't cried out at all. The former Watcher was the bravest man he'd known.
"He loved her, Wesley." He said. He added: "But not as a daughter. He was in love with her."
Wesley blinked. "What? How do you know that?"
"It was written in his eyes Wesley. He was completely mad about her. But he never spoke of his feelings to her, he couldn't. He was Giles, her Watcher, her mentor, her friend, and sometimes a father figure for Buffy. He had to protect her, to serve her and didn't want to upset her, so that she risked being hurt, injured or killed. In addition, he didn't want to be rejected, to suffer; he didn't want to lose her. He loved her too much and wouldn't have been able to live without her."
Cordelia came back with the blanket. Angel covered Giles's lifeless body and raised it in his arms. A short time later he laid it on the back seat of his car.
"Wesley, Cordelia, take him back to his place. Tell the others what happened. I'm going to stay here to wait for Buffy. She shouldn't be much longer rising from her grave." He let out a sigh. Telling her of Giles's sacrifice was not going to be easy. "Let's go."
* * *
Angel helped the former Slayer out of her grave. He took Buffy's hand when she appeared from the ground, and pulled her to him.
"Good evening Buffy."
"I should've died. I did die. Oh my God! I've become a vampire?"
Angel shook his head. "No, you are still human and alive thanks to Giles.
He swallowed hard. Buffy glanced around her.
"Where is he?"
* * *
When Buffy entered Giles's apartment, all her friends were there, as well as Cordelia, Wesley, Spike and her sister Dawn who was crying in the blonde-haired vampire's arms. Their faces, which should have been illuminated with enjoyment, were dark, sad, and wet with tears.
"Where is he?" Buffy asked with a hoarse voice.
"On the couch." Xander answered. He was pale and trembled. He added: "I warn you Buffy, it's not pretty to see."
Buffy went near the couch and let out a choked cry, before subsiding moaning with horror.
"Oh my God!"
She stood up and sat down on the coffee table. She then took Giles's motionless ice-cold fingers and pressed them in her hand.
"Why'd you do it Giles?" She asked to him suddenly angry. "You promised me you'd stay with Dawn and my friends. You didn't keep your promise! You're…"
"Buffy, there is somebody here you should meet. "Willow interrupted her by pointing her finger towards a young man who'd just entered the living room. "You know him. It's Giles."
Buffy opened her eyes wide with bewilderment. Rupert Giles, young, aged about 25 years was standing in front of her.
"It's impossible." She murmured.
"Giles's created me, from his blood, using a powerful spell." Explained the other Giles. "I'm him, young. He created me so that I could serve and protect you, as your new Watcher. He gave me a copy of his soul, his knowledge and his experience so that I could succeed him."
Buffy turned to Willow. "Willow, you have to resuscitate Giles! You can do it! Do it, please."
The little witch shook her head.
"I can't, Buffy. If I did it, his life energy would return to him and you would die almost immediately. It's not what Giles wanted. He sacrificed himself so that you'd live."
She looked at the other Giles. "You're a copy! I don't want a copy! I want the original! I want Giles."
The other Giles paled. "I-I-I'm Giles. The same, young, that's all. I'm him Buffy. He said you would accept me."
"He was wrong! I don't want of you! " She pointed to the door. "Get out! I don't want to see you any more!" The other Giles was aghast. "But-but-but…"
"Get out!" Buffy roared. "Now!"
The other Giles moved back, took Giles's jacket hung on in stands near the door and left.
Buffy calmed down, bent towards Giles and kissed him on his forehead. She burst into sobs.
* * *
Ethan Rayne opened his eyes wide with amazement. His old mate Ripper sat at the bar, his nose over his beer. He was young! He put his hand on the other Giles's shoulder and smiled at him widely.
"Rupert, old man! What happened? You have enough of seeing all your wrinkles in the mirror each morning and decided to use magic to be young again?"
The other Giles blinked. "Who are you?"
Ethan was very surprised. "Huh? The spell, which made you younger, erased you the memory? Oh God! All right. I'm Ethan Rayne, your OLD friend. You really don't remember me?"
"You' re not my old friend. You were the old mate of my older and dead self, Giles."
The sorcerer jumped. "What?"
"I'm not the Rupert Giles you knew. He died."
Ethan paled and trembled.
"He died? How? When?"
"He sacrificed himself a few hours ago to resurrect his beloved Slayer. He offered her his life energy."
"Oh my God!"
"He created me before going to commit suicide, using a little of his blood and a powerful spell. I'm him, young. He asked me to give you this letter, Mr Rayne."
The other Giles took out a letter from his jacket and stretched it out to the sorcerer. Ethan took it with a trembling hand. He tore the envelope and unfolded the white sheet. He read:
I died, but not completely, because I created a double of myself, young, so that he would be Buffy's Watcher. He possesses a copy of my soul, my knowledge and my experience, so that he can succeed me. I've erased certain things from his memory, like my Ripper Days, and I would be grateful to you for not speaking to him about it. Ever. This boy's soul is pure and I want to keep it that way. Ethan, you and I were almost brothers once, and I want that memory of profound friendship, you're his older brother, you love him and you will protect him. I don't want him to suffer from loneliness as I did. By doing this, maybe you will obtain your redemption.
Goodbye old mate,
Ethan put the letter in his jacket pocket. "Rupert asks me to be your friend, to protect you and to stay with you. I'm going to do it, if of course it's all right with you."
The other Giles nodded.
"I accept you're the only friend I'll have. Buffy rejected me and all her friends will do so."
Ethan was stunned. "She rejected you?"
Rupert nodded again. "Yes, she said I was a copy! She said she only wanted the original; she said she didn't want me. I told her I was Rupert, the same, younger. I told her that Giles had insisted I was to be her Watcher, to be his successor, but she refused to accept me. That hurts Mr. Rayne…" He suddenly began crying. "I'm suffering, he loved her, and so I love her too. He passed on to me his feelings for her, I have them, and they are a part of me. She… Buffy represents everything for me, and and she hates me, because I'm not her Giles, while I am him, but not really. Yes I'm him. I'm him. Him! HIM!"
Ethan put a soothing hand on the young man's shoulder then sat down near him.
"You are you, Rupert. You are not him. Ripper is… dead. You have to live your life, not his."
Rupert shook his head. "It's impossible. I'm him, my body, my soul, my mind, everything! Everything belongs to him, everything is him!" "Hmm. You should go back to see Buffy to speak with her. She said that to you in the heat of the moment. It will take time for her to accept you, but she will do it, I am sure of it."
The other Giles shook the head.
"No, she hates me, and-and I can't bear to see the bloodless corpse of my older self. It is too painful."
The young man rested his head on the counter and closed his eyes. He continued to cry.
"You're tired. You need rest. Come with me, I'll take you to my motel. We're going to discuss this and get drunk, all right?"
"No, thank you Mr. Rayne. I'm going to stay here, a little. You should visit your old friend to say a last goodbye."
Ethan sadly nodded, tears in his eyes. "Yes, I'm going to see him."
"He loved you like a brother, you know? Regardless of what happened between you. "
Ethan cried. "I loved him very much as well."
Once the sorcerer left, the other Giles bent over the bar while nobody was looking at him and took the kitchen knife, which was under the counter.
* * *
The other Giles tightened the handle of the kitchen knife in his left hand and wiped his tears with the other hand.
"I'm sorry, Giles." He said, his throat closed by the sorrow and especially by the fear of dying. "Buffy doesn't want me. She wants you, then I'm going to give her what she wants, you."
He took a big breath then brutally sank the long blade into his chest. He roared with pain and fell to his knees in front of Buffy's empty grave. He drew the bloody blade across his throat to end the pain.
"Be happy." He murmured.
His cry of agony lasted hardly a second before being transformed into a hideous choking gurgle.
Giles felt an intense burning sensation and was overcome by dizziness. He fell like deadweight. He lay sprawled on his back, his features contorted by the suffering, his mouth wide open, snatching the wet night air. His vision weakened and the stars above him blurred. He was shaken by spasms which tensed and relaxed his muscles. A wave of cold overwhelmed him, his ears buzzed, and he felt his body becoming heavy. He closed his eyes and died. He didn't see a slingshot of white light escaping from his lifeless body, floating a moment above then rising towards the sky. The body of the other Giles, created by magic, disappeared by magic.
* * *
Buffy had just covered Giles's dead body with the blanket when the slingshot of white light crossed the fireplace and dived towards the Giles's immobile heart. She moved back, surprised and a little frightened.
"What happened?" She asked to Willow.
"Giles has just received the life energy of somebody, Buffy." Explained the red haired witch.
"From the other Giles." Angel answered. "The young man you rejected. He knew that you'd never like him because he wasn't the old Giles, your Giles, although he was him, younger. He wanted you to be happy with Giles, so he sacrificed himself. He committed suicide in his turn."
Buffy trembled. "Oh my God, what I have done? … Oh no! I always make Giles suffer and he continues to love me. Why?"
Xander sighed and said: "It's so evident, Buffy, because he's in love with you, has been for a long time."
Buffy was astonished. "WHAT?"
"It's plain to see for everybody here except you, Buffy, because you've never seen him as a man, only as your Watcher." Xander continued. "But he's been far more than that. He has emotions, feelings, and desires. He's a great man and I love him like a father. He loves you deeply Buffy. And you too, you love him. You're deeply in love with him. Your reason ignores it but your heart knows it. Don't think like a slayer and think of Giles as just your Watcher. Let your heart express itself."
Giles suddenly moaned, making everybody jump. He moved a little then and slowly opened his eyes.
"What? …" He murmured aghast, recognising his living room. "I died. I was…"
Buffy threw herself against his chest and embraced him so strongly he yelped with pain. She'd just crushed his ribs. She then bent towards him and kissed him, sliding her tongue in his mouth, which he opened in surprise. She investigated it, devoured it and cupped his face to make the kiss deeper. Giles returned her kiss with passion and closed his arms around her back pulling her closer to him. They kissed each other with wild need, stroking each other almost everywhere moaning with pleasure.
"Oh I love you Buffy!" Giles said moving back a little. "I love you so much, if only you knew. I love you with all my heart, with all my soul. I'm completely mad about you!"
"I love you too, Giles!" She hugged him again. "You're my Giles! You're mine! You're so beautiful, so strong, so brave, so kind, so magnificent!"
Giles blushed with pleasure.
Xander smiled happily and gestured to the others to leave quietly. They all left.
Giles frowned. "I'm alive. How is it possible? I'd died. I committed suicide. I remember it."
"Your other self offered you his life energy. He did it so that we'd be happy Giles."
"Oh Rupert, no!"
"He knew that I'd never like him, that I loved you and only you, the old Giles. My Giles."
"He was me."
"No, he was your clone, your copy. The original, that's what I want, and I've got him and I'm keeping him."
Giles sighed. "He disappeared… I loved him like a son. I should've suspected what would happen."
Buffy wiped his tears with her thumbs, gently, then trailed her finger along his strong jaw line.
"I shall give you a son, Giles. He will be strong, big, very intelligent, and he will look like his wonderful father."
Buffy bent towards Giles to kiss him again then slid her hand in the direction of the bulge, which was quickly deforming the tweed of his trousers. When she covered it, he gave a violent start and moaned. His breath sped up when Buffy began caressing him through the fabric with her palm, using a slow circular movement.
"Oh Giles, I want you." She said to him.
She unbuttoned his shirt and rubbed her hands on his hairy chest, stroking his nipples. Giles whimpered with pleasure. Then she caressed his stomach and unbuttoned his trousers. She moved the zipper down slowly, freeing his erection. She caressed him again, this time through the silk of his boxers along the length of his penis. Giles closed eyes and began panting. Giles arched when he felt Buffy's hand venture into his boxers, her fingers encircling his so hard penis. She began to move her hand up and down, slowly, and delicately. Giles his brain on fire, bathed with sweat, began stirring frantically, roaring with both pain and pleasure. When he was close to orgasm, Buffy released the long and thick member, unbuttoned her blouse, and took off her bra, revealing her exquisite breasts.
"Oh my god!" Giles whispered.
"Please, I want you Giles."
"Yes, my love."
They quickly undressed and sat down on the couch, facing each other. They explored each other's bodies with their hands, then they kissed hungrily, they began to delve everywhere with their tongues, then they kissed again, hugging tightly, wanting to become one. A single soul. A single body. They made love until exhausted, then they fell asleep forehead against forehead.
Ethan bent over the couch and smiled broadly. Giles and Buffy were finally happy. "I shall be seeing you, when you have your first child." He murmured. "He or she will need a godfather."
He left them alone.