The Power of Realization
By
bma

AUTHOR: bma
TITLE: The Power of Realization
EMAIL: brittney_allen@hotmail.com
RATING: around PG
SPOILERS: Up to A New Man?
SUMMARY: Buffy finally realizes her true love
FEEDBACK: Please!
DISCLAIMER: Everything belongs Joss Whedon. I'm just borrowing them
DISTRIBUTION: Anyone. Just tell me please
AUTHOR'S NOTE: this is my first fanfic. Please excuse the grammar mistakes. I want to thank all the people who write fanfiction. By reading all of ya's fanfiction I have gained a passion for writing my own.


How could I've been so blind.? He's been here right in front of me the whole time. He was here when I first came to Sunnydale and he will when I leave .I rejected him at first because I was scared. I'd lost Merrick and I didn't want to lose another loved one. It began when he carried me to safety after the witch made me sick. I then realized that this watcher of mine truly cared for me and I cared for him.What I didn't realize was that one day he would become my true love. Until that day, I made substitutes for him, and along the way I made pain for him.

Angel became my true love or I believed him to be. Even after he killed Jenny and tortured Giles, I forgave him. My dark love made me lie to my true love. As I look back I realize I wasn't in love with Angel but obsessed with him.

I remember looking in those beautiful green eyes with a speck of brown in the middle. Drowning right into them. I then realized I love this man who swore not to leave me. How can this honorable man love me after all the things I did and did not do? After Angel left and we survived the Mayor, all I could think of was safety. I needed something safe. I couldn't see that Giles was my safety all along.

College came along. I survived Parker and found Riley and the Initiative. I was so riled up in my relationship with Riley it caused me to neglect my friends. I failed to see that they were missing me. Most of all I forgot about Giles. I literally forgot about Giles. I forgot see that Giles was a person and man who needed to be needed. He felt so rejected that he felt like getting drunk and doing it. To add to it, he got drunk with Ethan Rayne of all the people in the world. The next day I found his door off the hinges and signs of a struggle. When the gang and I couldn't find him, I felt like panicking. Thoughts of revenge went through my mind. On the outside I appeared angry and in control but inside I was crying and grieving. Who ever did this was going to pay.

I could tell Riley didn't understand why I was acting this way. He just didn't realize how important Giles was to me. Heck! I still hadn't realize Giles was the man I truly loved.

I still remember the moment I realized it was Giles. I was so caught up in wreaking my anger out on the demon, I almost didn't see it was him. Only Giles could say so much with his eyes at one time. Lucky for us the letter opener wasn't pure silver. While I was apologizing to him it then hit me hard how close I came to losing him. My legs gave out and he caught me. I was trembling and sobbing so hard he had to hold him. I felt Safe. I knew right at that moment Giles was my safety net and true love. I was so overwhelmed by this new feeling I started to cry harder.

The rest is still a little blury. I remember telling him I was sorry for everything I've done to him and that I had loved for so long. You should of seen his face when I said that. First he was confused, shocked, then uncertain. The only way to make him believe I serious was to kiss him. So I did. And guess what. It worked.

I had to make myself let go so that I could explain to Riley. Riley took it pretty well. He kind of had a feeling that my heart belonged to someone else. We departed on good terms and are in fact friends to this day. I'm no longer the slayer. Rupert and I are married with one child and another and one on the way. Anya and Xander are married. Unfortunately Tara and Willow broke up but are still friends. And we're still friends with Angel and his gang. Did I mention that Angel was happy for Rupert and I? I have everything I need. I have my true love Rupert and my friends.


Finis

How did I do?? I hope it's not that bad