Something Has To Be Done About Parker Abrams
By GylzGirl

Title: Something Has To Be Done About Parker Abrams 1/1
Author: Tricia Stewart (GylzGirl)
Disclaimer:  I don't own anybody from the show.  Hannah Benson is mine, as is
the story.
Distribution: HeadQuarters and the  ASH Shrine, WorstWitch and Anya if they want it, Solo always, anyone else please ask first.
Rating:  R (Language, violence)
Feedback:  Yummy, no flames please.
Spoliers:  Anything before Wild at Heart.
Author's Notes:  This story originally went out with the character's name being Parker Finch.  When I was writing it, I couldn't remember his last name so I went to to check it and the Mortuary there lists Parker Finch.  Several Feedback letters, however, pointed out that it was actually Abrams and a double check by Solo (Thanks Luv) confirmed this.  I should have checked more carefully.  I apologize.

If you have any shred of sympathy for the character Parker Abrams, leave now, you've been warned.  This can take place either before or after Beer Bad.  It's probably a bit more of an ensemble piece for me but, Giles fans fear not.   You know the name, you know the drill :)

"Sorry guys, I guess I'm just...tired." Buffy's friends watched her head droop a little lower than it had been all evening. She moved out the door of Giles' apartment and into the night. Willow and Oz followed her, leaving Xander and Giles standing in silence. Finally, the Englishman spoke, "That Parker fellow still?"

"Yeah. Of all the people for her to meet right after Angel...why did it have to be that creep?" Xander picked up his jacket and opened the door. "Stupid bastard just threw away what some of us dream about."

"Indeed," Giles said, enigmatically.

"And he's gonna get away with it." Xander nodded his goodbye and closed the door.

"I wouldn't take a bet on that." Giles took off his glasses and headed upstairs.


Parker Abrams crossed the UC Sunnydale campus late that night with a bounce in his step. Kelly LoDuca had been a difficult conquest. Nearly two weeks of sweet sensitive guy, almost as difficult as Buffy Summers had been, but equally worth it. He spotted a figure moving to pass him on the quad and waved. "Hey Oz."

Oz stopped in his tracks, about to watch Parker strut off to his dorm. 'No,' Oz decided, 'somebody has to do something about Parker Abrams.' "Abrams," Oz called as he caught up.

"Yes?" Parker asked as he stopped.

"Had some things to say to you."

"Um, okay."

"Buffy Summers? She's a friend of mine. I *care* about her. I care that she not be played and then treated like trash. If you go anywhere near her, hurt her any more, it won't be pleasant. I know a lot of people."

"Whatever," Parker smirked.

"Also, The Dingos won't be playing any parties you're welcomed at."

Now his face held a little fear. " guys are like *the* band."

Oz smiled. "Yeah. Sucks to be you huh." Oz turned his back and began to walk home.


Willow sat at her computer, waiting for her best friend to fall asleep. Somebody had to do something about Parker Abrams. Once Buffy finally slept, Willow quietly lit two candles and produced a pencil from her backpack. She studied it with a satisfied smile. How nice of Parker to lend a pencil to a Freshman in need. Wiccan tenants forbid vengence spells persay, but with a player like Parker it was easy enough to trap him in his own deceptions.

"Now Mr. Parker 'Break Buffy's heart and think you can get away with it' Abrams, we'll see how much scoring you do with no ability to lie for a week's time."


The next morning found Parker in the student lounge. He was waiting for Hannah Benson, the little brunette he had selected for this weekend's fun. She entered the room and smiled brightly as soon as she spotted him. He returned the smile as she seated herself next to him and leaned her head on his arm.

As she sighed contentedly, he noticed how her chest rose and fell appealingly under the tight sweater she wore. "God you have the nicest tits. You're going to be so much fun to get into bed."

Hannah sat up straight, like an electric shock had gone through her. "Excuse me? What did you just say?"

Parker looked confused. He couldn't have just said what he thought he said. "I was...just thinking about this weekend. I only meant that I'm going to have a lot of fun screwing you because you have such nice tits." He clamped his hand over his mouth. 'What the hell am I doing?!'

Hannah stood, indignant. "Are you finally freaking out or something because your Dad died?"

Parker stood too. "My Dad isn't dead. Who do you think pays my tuition each semester? I sure as Hell didn't get a scholarship!"

"What?! You lied to me?"

"I lie to everybody. It always works too. You should see how much I get!" Parker was on the verge of hyperventilation. He didn't know why he was saying what he was saying. More frightening, he found he couldn't help but say these things, very loudly. Several people had stopped to watch the spat, including many past, and until that morning he'd hoped future, conquests. Their mouths were significantly agape.

"Well you can cross me off your weekend's activites you dick! In fact lose my number all together because if you ever try to talk to me again I'll knee you so hard it'll fucking fall off. God look at you. Pulling the stuff you do you must have balls so big it's a wonder you can walk straight."

"Actually my balls are pretty small. Like my dick. Three inches...four tops." Several females heads in the circle of observers nodded in agreement. If Parker Abrams could have cut his own tongue out right then, he would have. Instead, he did the only other thing he could think to do. He ran like Hell.


Parker walked around the far perimeter of the campus for what seemed like hours. He'd blown off all his morning clases. Every time he even came close to the quad, fingers would point and giggles and whispers would ensue. UC Sunnydale sure had one of the fastest gossip pipelines in the world.


Xander was driving into the UC Sunnydale parking lot to visit his friends for lunch when he spotted Parker pacing in the grass nearby. He pulled into a space and was about to go straight to the cafeteria when he stopped and headed for the lawn. 'Something has to be done about Parker Abrams.'

"Yo College Boy. I have some things to say to you."

Parker stared at the black haired boy that approached him. "Do I know you? Look, just go away. I'm having the worst day."

"Not yet you're not. So you're the pathetic little snot that hurt Buffy huh?"

"Oh God, not you too. That little blonde may have been a great lay but she sure as Hell wasn't worth all..."

Xander drew his fist back and clocked Parker across the jaw. The older boy's eyes crossed and he fell back against the grass, knocked out cold. Xander stared at him in disbelief. He nudged him with his foot. "You're kidding me?! *I* knocked you out in one punch? What a total wuss!" Xander looked one way and then the next, his features lifting as he got a wicked idea. Nearby he saw a pretty petite brunette walking with a gym bag.

"Excuse me, I know this sounds like a weird question but can I borrow your lipstick?"

The girl looked at Xander strangely for a moment before her eyes settled on Parker's prone figure, still sleeping on the grass. She got a smile that mirrored Xander's own. "Name's Hannah Benson. Whatcha got in mind?"


Parker awoke what he assumed was several minutes later. He was aware of only two things, his jaw hurt like Hell and he was very cold. He brought his hand up to his face as he sat up, trying to wipe away the grogginess he still felt. When he took his hand away, he gasped. His hand was now red. Upon closer examination he realized that it was not blood, but lipstick. That's when he looked down at himself for the first time, and screamed. He jumped to his feet and ran over to the windows of the building nearest in order to get a better look at himself.

His worst fears were realized. He was wearing only a woman's bra and panties, gobs of lipstick and other makeup adorning his face until he was giving Tammy Faye Baker a run for her money. His hair had been teased almost straight up from his head and hairsprayed so stiff that even pushing on it with his palm didn't dent it.

Parker gulped almost convulsively as another realization dawned on him. He now had to somehow get back to his dormroom, clear across campus, dressed like this.


Parker hid in the bushes until class let in again and then made a mad dash for his dormitory. He was just begining to think he'd make it too until he'd been stopped by a bunch of the jocks from the Alpha Beta house. He'd made the rest of the journey to his room clad in only a bra.

He scooted into his room, thankfully unnoticed. He was equally grateful that his roomate was still out of town on a visit with his parents. He removed the bra and entered his bathroom, praying he'd be able to shower all the make-up and hairspray away.


About an hour later, Parker left the bathroom wrapped in only a towel. He smoothed his wet hair back out of his eyes. The sun had already set and his room was now dark. As he groped the wall for the lightswitch, his bedsidelamp, across the room, suddenly clicked to life.

Parker jumped back against the wall as a man he'd never seen before, wearing a leather jacket, smiled sinisterly from a chair next to his nightstand. He was a tall man, Parker realized as he stood and approached. Most importantly, he didn't look happy with him. Not one bit.

"Parker Abrams?" The man spoke in an English accent.

Parker was determined to lie. "Yes that's me." 'Shit.'

"I've come to talk to you about what you did to Buffy Summers."

"Who are you? Her Dad?"

The man's grin grew. Parker felt as though someone had poured icewater directly down his spine. "You wish."

The man approached him and placed his fists against the wall to either side of Parker's trembling head. "What do you want?"

"You see, I'm Buffy's protector. I keep her from being hurt when I can. And when I can't, I take care of whatever did hurt her. And you hurt *my* Buffy. So now I have to take care of you, don't I?"

"Please don't kill me!"

"Kill you?" The man scoffed loudly. "Wouldn't that be the easy way out. Trust me, whatever I do to you, you'll live through. I guarentee." When the man smiled again, Parker nearly fainted.


The next day, Parker hurried out of the admissions office with two stuffed duffle bags slung over his back. "Going somewhere Parker?" a redhaired girl asked him.

He shyed back a little, recognizing her as one of Buffy Summers' friends. "I'm leaving school okay. I'll never come near your precious Buffy again so just leave me alone."

The redhead smiled. "I'd say you were lying, but we both know you can't do that so all I'll say is, good riddance and don't come back."

Parker looked at her in shock. "How did you know I can't li..."

The redhead smiled again, frighteningly similarly to the Englishman's the night before. She leaned closer to him and whispered. "Never fuck with a witch's best friend." The color drained out of his face. "Boo!" He nearly tripped over himself running out of the room.

He was running so fast, looking back over his shoulder, that he didn't see the person crossing before the front steps and ran straight into them. He "eep"ed and fell on his backside as the person stood over him.

Buffy extended a hand down to help up the person who had just crashed into her. When she realized it was Parker Abrams, she withdrew her hand and he landed back on his behind.

Parker scrambled to his feet when he discovered it was Buffy Summers he'd run into. "Oh please don't tell anyone you know that I touched you...or saw you...or talked to you. Look I'm going okay? I'm leaving campus. I'm leaving Sunnydale. I'm going home to Pennsylvania. You'll never see me again. Just tell your friends to leave me alone please!"

Buffy stared at him, not understanding. He seemed terrified of her. He also seemed to have a bruise on his jawline, and finger marks on his neck. His front tooth also sported a noticable chip. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Look I'm sorry okay. I'm sorry for how I've been and I'm sorry for what I did to you. I hurt you on purpose and I shouldn't have and I'm sorry. Just stay the Hell away from me please!" With that, he bolted into the crowd of students and was lost to her sight.

Buffy stared after him for several moments and then a smile spread slowly across her face as she came to understand.

"Hey Buff!" She heard Xander's voice come from behind her and turned to see Willow, Oz and Xander approaching. She bounded up the steps to meet them, smiling brighter than they had seen her do in weeks. Before any of them could say another word to her, she wrapped Xander in a tight hug and kissed him on the cheek. Next she moved to Willow and Oz and repeated the action.

"I have the absolute best friends on the planet. Ever."

Xander grinned. "There's the Buffy we've been looking for. We were gonna Bronze tonight. Wanna come?"

"I'll catch up guys. I have one more friend to thank."


Giles was more than a little surprised to find Buffy, much less a happy, smiling Buffy, at his door at 6pm. "Buffy? Shouldn't you be in class? Or on patrol? Or at the Bronze or something?"

She moved forward quickly and embraced him. Giles stood frozen for a second and then slowly slid his arms around her back. "Thank you."

"W-what for?"

"Caring about me. I love you, you know?"


She leaned up on her tip toes and kissed him on the cheek. "Get your coat."


"Tonight I'm Bronzing it with my friends. *All* my friends. Get your coat. You're coming with."

His smile was uncontainable. "Are you sure?"

Buffy put her hands on her hips. "Don't make me have to beat you up. I might chip your tooth." She smiled knowingly.

Giles did a double-take and then smiled himself. "I'm getting my coat."