Once, Twice, Three times a Daddy!
By Nikki Dutton

TITLE: Once, Twice, Three times a Daddy!
AUTHOR: Nikki Dutton
E.MAIL: NDutton059@aol.com
DISCLAIMER: All Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel characters belong to Joss Whedon, no copyright infringement intended.
WARNING: NC17 B/G (at the end)
RATING/PAIRING: B/G (Shock! Horror!)
SUMMARY: the silly stick struck me!
DISTRIBUTION: To all and Sundry, please feel free...
FEEDBACK: Yes please, my muse gets hungry!
NOTES: I think there was a challenge on Gilesnaughty about Willow and Tara being instrumental in bringing Giles and Buffy together. This is my twisted answer to that challenge. Forgive the pregnant women dancing to Shania Twain, "Man, I feel like a woman."

Xander and Giles pulled on their beers and gazed at the triple vision of gyrating hips before them. The erotic sexy tones of Shania Twain drifted through the room as the three women danced clad in painters overalls. They were decorating the Giles Nursery.

Xander swallowed as Giles whispered in his ear. "Buffy's naked under her coveralls y'know, so are Willow and Tara."

Xander whimpered and adjusted himself in his own coveralls.

"Look at them Xander, all pulsating and writhing. Wonder if they'll be covered in paint by the end of the day."

"Don't..." Xander's face was moist and red suddenly, "You cruel man, y'know Anya's gone on a customer care course!"


Buffy turned round suddenly and eased her back, her bump very pronounced she beamed a smile up at her husband. He waved his empty beer bottle toward her. Tara and Willow turned to refresh their paint rollers, both also gloriously pregnant. They blew Giles kisses and he playfully caught them in mid-air.

Xander turned his back and picked up his paintbrush once more, break over. Giles put his bottle on the floor and took up his brush again. A small smile played on his lips as he caught Xander looking at him.

"I can't stand it!" Xander exploded. "How'd you manage to get all three pregnant?"

Giles' grin widened, "Ah! Well."


Six months earlier...(pretend wobbly effect)

Giles approached his front door, wiping his hands on his apron and opened it to a smiling Willow and Tara. He stood back from the door and the two crossed his threshold arms casually linked round the other's waist. He smiled at the simple gesture of togetherness. "Willow, Tara, this is a nice surprise! I was baking, would you like to sample my Delights?"

The girls giggled in unison. Giles smiled with them. "Really, girls! Walnut Delights..." He sighed at the raucous guffaws, "They're cookies." Both nodded and accepted the tea he offered as an accompaniment.

"Now, what can I do for you?" Giles dunked a Delight and was munching when he heard Willows unusual request.

"We want you to make us pregnant Giles."

His teacup rattled in its saucer as he banged it down on the table, trying to draw breath round a lodged walnut. Tara, thumped on his back and Willow held his tea away from his shaking hand...

"What!" He spluttered. "Now? Together?" He took several large gulps of tea wishing it were something stronger.

Willow and Tara blushed the same shade and answered at the same time.

"Wha? No, Oh, my God you thought! Wow!" Tara exclaimed.

Willow continued the denial. "No, Giles! We want you to be the father, but a meat baster is...will be the umm.."

"Conveyance?" Giles suggested, recovering rapidly and taking another bite of cookie.

Willow smiled satisfied. " Yes.. Will you? I mean, you're so smart and handsome, and kind. We can't think of a better father can we Tara? "

"No, Mr. Giles, you're just perfect!"

Giles blushed and smiled shyly at the girls. "Are you sure a baby is what you both want? I mean it will be an honour!"


Buffy and Xander ordered their coffees and marvelled at the three others in their party ordering fruit juice, it had been their regular order for a month now. And every day prompt at ten in the morning they all left together in Giles' car and drove off in the direction of the hospital.

Were they ill? Was it some sort of health kick that she was excluded from because she was the Slayer and Xander was a junk food Junkie?

She had to find out and enlisted the help of Xander in her plan. They donned dark glasses as a disguise, desperately trying not to be noticed and tailed them to the hospital. Xander took Giles and Buffy followed Willow and Tara.

Buffy seethed as Giles kissed each woman as they parted company on the Gyni floor. Aha! They've been having naughties and now got the clap! Buffy shushed her evil self and engaged her angelic self, no Giles wouldn't do that. Too much sex with the witches had made it fall off! Shuttup!

Xander followed Giles. He hid behind a pot plant and realised that the staff knew Giles awfully well! Occasionally ladies would come up to him and show him their babies and he'd coo over them. He got his tea in a china "I'm a Stud" mug while everyone else made do with Styrofoam.

Xander caught sight of a row of certificates on the walls. He squinted and read the citation. "Donor of the Month." Beneath it in gold was the legend Rupert Giles. He had 24 certificates! Xander gasped.

"Way to go G-Man, donating all that Blood.... Wait... clinic Babies..."

Xander felt the urge to run and hide, unfortunately he was spotted and dragged back by a draconian nurse saying a young man like him ought not be shy, civic duty; here's your cup, vids and mags in the room. A pat on the rump and he was faced with four white walls and an urgent need for the toilet.


Buffy shifted uneasily in the drafty gown. Willow and Tara had gone ahead into the cubicles. She was wondering whether to run and hide when she was called into the room opposite. She held the gown bunch closed in one fist and sidled into the room; four white walls and stirrups... Why do I get myself into such a mess!

"You're in luck." The attendant imparted enthusiastically, "our donor of the month has come in today. He has a very high success rate! He started coming to us a couple of years ago; he's tall and intelligent. He produces strong babies for us and has satisfied hundreds of women. We owe a lot to our British Librarian. We call him "the three cup Brit"."

Buffy was trembling... British Librarian, tall intelligent. "What colour are his eyes?"

"Oh, odd shade of green, with a splodge of brown in one. Relax dear--"

Buffy fainted.


Xander exited the room, drained and embarrassed, clutching a plastic cup with the bottom barely covered. The draconian nurse cast a snide glance over him and his offering and then put it on a tray marked "new donors."

He froze as a large hand closed on his shoulder, "Xander? I didn't know you came here."

He sucked in a breath " Giles! I don't c c come here." He was suddenly aware of the heat in the room. "My first time. I mean not my first time, time but coming here. First. I'm new!" He finished with an awkward grin and pointed at the certificates on the walls.

"Do you come here often?" He shut his eyes cursing.

"C'mon Xander." Giles empathised. "I 'll buy you a drink." He shoved the boy out of the door and waved his farewells to the smiling staff.


One month later.. Result!!! Giles 3 Xander 0

Willow and Tara hopped round the bathroom everything crossed. Xander paced in the living room.

Giles was baking again. Instead of drinking, he baked to relieve stress. Xander ate and paced and paced and ate. The screech stopped them both.

The Witches burst from the bathroom in an excited bundle, giggling and hugging and kissing they flew at Giles!

"You're going to be a daddy!" Willow squealed.

Giles grinned like a Cheshire cat, Xander, smiled to see Willow so happy. She noticed and came over.

"You're going to be an uncle, Xander!" Tara hugged him and soon everyone was enveloped in a vanilla and tea scented room.


Blue. It's blue. Buffy held the test limply in her fingertips. It wasn't even fun! Sterile and cold when it should have been red hot passion with a hotty of a studmuffin! She slid down the cold tile wall and contemplated her fate. Blue.


Willow and Tara were happy, he was happy for them, they had each other, who did he have? The one he wanted was strong and confident now, hardly ever came over and knew almost as much as he knew of demons and Slaying. Blue. He was blue without Buffy.


Giles yawned and shouldered into his robe as he came downstairs; he didn't bother to tie it; no one to see him anyway.

He froze at the bottom of his stairs; Buffy was in his living room. She looked beautiful, soft with a peach bloom to her cheek. He took a step toward her and she launched her attack with cushions and paperbacks. He took shelter from the onslaught on the stairs. She'd brought her own paperbacks to pelt him with?

"Buffy! Tell me what I've done!" Giles implored. A book caught his thigh with a satisfying "thwack" "OW!! Buffy calm down!"

"Calm down? You." Chuck. "Made me..." Chuck. "Pregnant!"" She screeched.

"I Never! Didn't come near you! Muppppppppppppphhh" A particularly vicious cushion hit him in the mouth.

He fell back on the stairs and his Slayer steamed in for the kill.

"You donor of the month!" She hissed sarcastically "I followed you and TW.. "

"Who? Buffy, could you get off me, your squirming is making me.."

"Tara and Willow, too bloody long for an argument! I thought, I.." She was suddenly distracted by something growing between them.

Giles hands were on her hips and his fingers spread their warmth down to percolate in her belly. Her hair fell forward indicating the downward path of her mouth to his.

He smiled gently and parted her lips with his tongue; the kiss was greeting and apology, promise and passion.

Their lovemaking was as hot as the conception had been cool. Gentle licks and sucks giving way to harder probing and pounding. Permission sought and granted as they curled round each other teasing and draining. Shuddering their last orgasmic breath, both bathed in bliss.

"Hmmm Giles"

"Yes, Darling? " He stroked his warm hand down her quivering abdomen and followed it's path with his tongue.

Buffy sighed as he dipped his mouth to her pussy and sucked... Her hips arched off the bed.

He held her legs over his shoulders, and made sure no delicate pink fold was left untouched or unsuckled... Buffy's passionate moans were enough for now. Time for the serious business of marriage later.


Present day, six months pregnant.

They all surveyed their handiwork. Buffy couldn't see well because of her tears of happiness, but the nursery was finished, lilac and yellow, with a crib and comfy chair; sunlight streaming through lacy curtains.

They all sighed it was beautiful!

Giles and Buffy hugged in the centre of the room; their infant revolving between them. Watcher, Slayer, and tiny Slayerette happy, healthy, and living as one on the crazy Hellmouth.

The End.


Xander became "Donor of the Month." His secret? Walnut Delights.