Never is a Promise
By Cap

Title: Never is a promise
Author: Cap
Disclamir: Not mine don't sue
Rateing: G wizz
Summery: B and G have a bad night
Feedback: Be kind, still getting into the groove of things

Notes: My first songfic made because some one at the chat wanted a song about how much Buffy and Giles seemed to hurt eachother this year. Then I heard this song. Not the best story in the world but hopefully you like it.

You'll never see -- the courage I know
Its colors' richness won't appear within your view
I'll never glow -- the way that you glow
Your presence dominates the judgements made on you

Giles stands by the window looking out. He can't sleep. He can hear the bottle calling him, asking him to drown in it's sympathy. If only he could get her face out of his mind. That's what caused the manic feeling that jumped like gaslight in his stomach. Her smile flashed like lightning through his head a thousand different pictures each pulling him in. His hands ached on the sill of the window, his breathing was labored. He was standing there in a cold sweat, and for the life of him didn't know how he had got there. All he knew was he had dreamed of her. <I'm just sixteen, I don't want to die.> "Bloody hell!" he say's flexing the pain from his fingers. He opens the scotch.

But as the scenery grows, I see in different lights
The shades and shadows undulate in my perception My feelings swell and stretch,
I see from greater heights I understand what I am still too proud to mention
-- to you

"What is wrong." She whispers to herself at the window. It was him, she knew. She could feel him, he was lost out there somewhere. "God Giles, how do I fix this." The dream had sent wave after wave of past looks and short clipped words of pain traveling through her. Memory's so strong they were a physical feeling. <You have no respect for me.> "I'm sorry." She get's dressed in a hurry heading for the door. It was time to face her demons.

You'll say you understand, but you don't understand
You'll say you'd never give up seeing eye to eye
But never is a promise, and you can't afford to lie

The glass sat in the pale light. Amber liquid that he knew would flow through his mind choking out the voice of an eighteen year old slayer who he had hurt more then any demon. <Couldn't I just dream of Angel and scream in pain.> No it wasn't the torture that haunted him. It was the lie. He lived it everyday. <You have a fathers love for the girl.> "Shut up you old bastard!" He screams at the shadow as the glass of scotch impacts the wall. He stands there alone stunned by his own actions. <Hello Ripper long time no see.> Oh, god that wasn't Ethan's voice in his head. It was his own. "I won't hurt her again." <No, you'll just drown in her.>

You'll never touch -- these things that I hold
The skin of my emotions lies beneath my own
You'll never feel the heat of this soul
My fever burns me deeper than I've ever shown
-- to you

She stands across from his building. It hurts. <What are you going to do little girl. Hurt him again.> Olivia's voice say's in the back of her mind. "I wouldn't do that to him." <Really, isn't that what you did with me.> "No! I didn't kill you Angelus did!" She tried to forget Jenny's voice. <Me. I just tortured him Buff, you're the one that broke him. It was beautiful.> She is frozen with hate and guilt at the conjured voice of Angel, or was it Angules she couldn't tell anymore.

You'll say, Don't fear your dreams, its easier than it seems
You'll say you'd never let me fall from hopes so high
But never is a promise and you can't afford to lie

He was on the floor with his back against the wall. Was this a breakthrough or a breakdown. All the precarious lie's he lived on were falling away. He held on to them clutching for sanity. <Fathers love.> "I I I.... No your right. It's not." <Now your getting it ripper dear.>

You'll never live the life that I live
I'll never live the life that wakes me in the night
You'll never hear the message I give
You'll say it looks as though I might give up this fight

The door stood in front of her more intimidating then a thousand demon's. She couldn't move. She kept trying to breath but it wasn't happening. Everything was quiet. She could hear her heart beat. She hadn't felt this way since the master had drained her. <Love and death, their the same thing to slayers.> "I'm not like you." She responded to the phantom of faith. <That's right. Your worse.>

But as the scenery grows, I see in different lights
The shades and shadows undulate in my perception
My feelings swell and stretch, I see from greater heights
I realize what I am now too smart to mention
-- to you

He stands in the kitchen and pours the alcohol down the sink. She turns the nob and walks into his house. He turns. She turns.

"What's wrong!" He say's approaching her in a hurry.

"Everything. I missed you." She say's almost shaking. He looks at her puzzled.

"I've been right here." She starts to cry at his gentle tone.

"I know, that's the worst part." They stand for minutes just looking at each other, then just like that the demons are gone. They search for their accusers in each others eye's and find only love returned.

"Tea?" Giles asks

"Yes, please." She answers with a shy smile and takes her seat on the couch.

You'll say you understand, you'll never understand
I'll say I'll never wake up knowing how or why
I don't know what to believe in, you don't know who I am
You'll say I need appeasing when I start to cry
But never is a promise and I'll never need a lie

Willow had became worried. Buffy had been so strange lately. She was having trouble all year actually. That's why she was relieved to find her best friend looking peaceful as can be curled up on the couch asleep with her head on her watchers shoulder. They looked like new life had been breathed into them. Xander touched her arm. "Come on Will, they deserve this."

"But shouldn't we tell them about..." But Willow is interrupted by a voice at the door

"We can tell them I'm back in the morning." With that Oz motions for them to go.