Loving and Losing
By Nightbird

Title: Loving and losing
Author: Nightbird
E-mail: nightbird@watertek.freeserve.co.uk
Feedback: I'll give you a cookie?
Distribution: SHL, Anyone else ask!
Disclaimer: Joss owns all! Not me! My name is not Joss! My name is Nightbird.
Notes: Looky this was my first B/G fic, aren't you gonna go ooh? You might need tissues.
Dedication: Stryx, Soul' & Gunbunny & my Evil twin Megan.

I sit there staring at my one true love's face. He looks so peaceful lying there. The steady beep and whirl of the machines that are keeping him alive surrounds the bed. I don't know what I'll do if he leaves me, I don't think he knows how I feel about him. For as long as I have been the Slayer he's been there. He's taken on the role of my father dealing with psychotic boyfriends and other icky things.

I reach out and I take his hand careful not to knock the IV out of his arm. Visiting hours are over and the rest of the gang are gone, only I'm still here because I'm down as his next of kin I don't know why. The memory of last night replays over and over like a stuck record. I see the gang running into library to find it ransacked and Giles lying in a heap with the dreaded twin holes on his neck. The doctor says he's lucky to be alive as he's A negative luckily so am I.  As I hold his hand I make a silent promise Spike is going down.

His eyes flicker and I bend down to hear what he says. My heart sinks as he says goodbye and tells me He loves me. The tears start running down my face and on to his hand as I tell him I love him too. He smiles and shuts his eyes and the steady beeping turns to one long beep. My heart breaks. An alarm sounds and the room is full of people. Some one helps me out and I stumble towards the phones pulling out a hand full of change. The phone rings once and Willow answers,

"Is he alright?"

My half-stifled sob answers her question,

"Do you want me to tell the others?"

I manage to croak out,


And hang up. With in moments the rest of the gang surrounds me and we all sit there hugging one another.

The day after his funeral I hunted down Spike. Now all that's left of him is a pile of ash. A new watcher and slayer have arrived in Sunnydale so I'm heading out for pastures new. Before I left we created the "Rupert Giles Memorial library and scholarship". He would have been proud of that fact and I think he knows that Willow is training as a Watcher because of him.

Each day I thank the lord that he gave me Giles if only for a short time. My slayer instincts tell me I'll be seeing him soon.