The Goddesses Wept
By Heir to Shadow
TITLE: THE GODDESSES WEPT
AUTHOR: Heir to Shadow
PAIRING: Buffy and Giles
RATING: NC17 overall (this portion PG)
DISCLAIMERS: All belong to Joss Whedon et al. I just prefer the lives they have with Buffy and Giles fans.
DISTRIBUTION: Ask, I'll be flattered.
SPOILERS: AU but anyone not familiar with Tara and Riley should beware.
SUMMARY: Giles plots but the universe has other plans in mind for my favorite couple.
FEEDBACK Not too painful please!
Rupert Giles lay in bed reading one of the diaries of a long ago watcher and his slayer. The watcher was Sean Michael, and his slayer Adrienne. Adrienne was apparently high spirited and caused many dilemmas for her watcher beyond the "normal" problems of killing monsters and saving the world. As so many things did, the story of a willful slayer and her amused and horrified watcher turned his thoughts to Buffy.
In the shop this afternoon, he overhead her and Willow talking in low voices about loves past; Oz and Riley, and future; Tara and perhaps a new young man for Buffy. Giles had seen the man in question, and while he seemed kind enough, there were many men like him. He would be more concerned about his pleasure, feelings and needs than he ever would be about Buffy's. Not intentionally cruel or hurtful, he neverthless would leave, and Buffy, who was afraid to be alone, would once again be heartbroken and distracted. He sighed deeply, knowing that this was one demon he could not help her with, and returned to reading, hoping that someone in the past had solved this dilemma.
An hour later he put the diary down, rubbed the back of his neck, and thought. Sean indeed had found an answer, but would he be able to do the same? Sean had married his slayer. He felt that if Adrienne was protected and secure in her personal life, it would make her a better slayer. A slayer more at peace with herself and better able to face the night knowing that her days would have all the light she needed. According to the diary, it worked. Sean and Adrienne were happily married for seven years before her death at twenty five.
Giles was not stupid. He knew that he didn't love Buffy in "that" way, but he did love her dearly. He could provide all of the stabillity and comfort that a loving relationship with no need to hide one of their deepest secrets would bring. They knew each others dark sides, from the petty such as Buffy's tendency to lie her way out of trouble, to the big issues such as Eyghon. They also knew how much brightness actually existed in the others' soul carefully hidden away by layers of hurt and rejection. Giles knew that he was attractive to women and had a lot of experience pleasing them both in and out of bed. Buffy would come to love him if he wanted her to, and if it wasn't exactly the wife and family he had vaguely fantasized about having, well, either he or Buffy were likely to die young, leaving the other free to marry again, have children.
As he turned out the light and prepared to sleep, he sent a prayer to the Gods. "Let me marry Buffy, protect and cherish her in what time we have. I will be good husband and she will never know that something might be missing. It will be enough for both of us." As Giles drifted off to sleep, pleased with his plan, the Gods were pleased; but the Goddesses were not happy.
Over the next few weeks, Giles plan was put into action. At first it was just casual remarks about how Buffy looked on a certain occasion. Brief touches on the arm or back when talking or walking, a light kiss on the cheek when saying hello or goodbye. Buffy was a little taken aback by the change in Giles behavior, but soon became accustomed to it and learned to enjoy the new relationship with her watcher. Finally after Giles felt Buffy was ready for the next stage, he invited her to hear him sing, and perhaps have coffee afterward, and Buffy accepted.
After that, things began to move more quickly. There was the occasional dinner and dancing, more frequent touching by both of them, more time spent together and more trust and confidence in one another than ever before. Buffy was pleased if still a little confused and Giles was confident in his progress.
One night after a pleasant evening dining and dancing, Giles drove Buffy home and walked her to her front door. As he bent to kiss her check, she was distracted by something and turned her head so that Giles lips met Buffys. When the initial shock wore off, and Buffy was not looking angry or upset, Giles kissed her again, parting his lips and urging her to do the same. As their tongues met and mingled Giles' carefully laid plan began to slip just a little.
Without realizing it, his embrace tightened, the kiss deepend and he soon had Buffy pushed back between the wall of the house and his hardening body, kissing her deeply, passionately hands roaming possessively over her lovely and responsive body. All thought had fled Giles' head, all plans gone; just warm, soft and deliciously feminine Buffy in his arms kissing him like he was the answer to her prayers and whispering softly of her desire and love for him. It was only a passerby yelling "get a room" that brought them to their senses, and even then they were reluctant to separate.
As Giles began to think again, he realized that his plan was working perfectly and even had an added bonus. Not only was Buffy in love with him, but she was more passionate than he would have believed and he desired her as well. If still not the marriage he would have chosen, it may well be happier than he had thought possible. That night as Giles thanked the Gods, they smiled but the Goddesses frowned.
Within two months of the onset of the plan, Buffy and Giles were engaged to the delight of their friends. Giles, to be on the safe side, even contacted the Council of Watchers and explained his plan to them, sending them the appropriate passages from Sean's diary and asking for their permission to marry. After several weeks of silence, Giles was summoned to England by the Council to discuss the matter in more detail.
Giles assured Buffy that his meeting with the Council was routine business, and that she should remain in Sunnydale with Willow, Xander, Cordelia, Tara and Anya to make wedding plans. "After all" he said half seriously "all I have to do is show up at the right day and time with the rings, so I will be the most dispensible during the planning. Just do let me have a hand in planning the honeymoon luv!"
Buffy and her closest friends planned an intimate and romantic ceremony. Willow would be maid of honor, and Cordelia the bridesmaid. At Giles request Xander would be the best man. Anya and Tara would serve as the witnesses but would be dressed identically to Willow. This would not only make them feel more a part of the ceremony, but after the civil ceremony, the three witches would perform a handfasting ceremony for the couple in honor of their beliefs, and Giles and Buffy believed that with their wedding on the Hellmouth, they couldn't be too careful. Clothes were picked and flowers and cake chosen. All that remained for Giles to help with would be the rings and the honeymoon.
Since it was already late April, the planners decided to have a traditional June wedding which would also conicide with the summer "slowdown" in vampiric activity, possibly caused by the longer daylight hours. Although Giles and Buffy were planning on a short honeymoon, June would probably be the safest time for the slayerettes to have to handle patrol for a while. The Gods laughed but the Goddesses wept.
Within a week, Giles had returned from England looking quite please with himself, and he was delighted with the wedding plans. He asked Buffy to have dinner at his home that evening so that they could talk and have some time to themselves. He heartily approved of all the wedding plans, and after eating the wonderful dinner they had prepared together, Giles drew her over to the couch to talk.
"Buffy" Giles began, "I have something for you". He pulled out an old looking jewelry box and extended it to Buffy. Buffy looked questioningly at Giles, and when he nodded, she opened the box. Inside was the most beautiful wedding set she could ever imagined, and clearly an antique. The wedding band was done in the "hugs and kisses" motif, with the "x's" in gold and the hearts in rubies in an eternity band style. The engagement ring was a large heart shaped ruby with the prongs made out of the "x" kisses. A delicate gold stake covered the center ruby. The grooms ring was a gold band with channel set rubies and diamond cut into the band on each side of the rubies was a eye.
"Giles, I don't know what to say. I have never imagined anything so perfect and so beautiful. This could only belong to a watcher and slayer, but to someone who knows nothing of such things the symbolism of the love is unmistakeable. I can't wait to show Will and the others." Buffy hugged Giles tightly and then started to bound to the telephone.
Giles grabbed her arm and pulled her gently back. "Where are you going when I haven't seen you or stopped wanting you for the past week? Don't you think Willow could possibly wait until tomorrow?" He tugged her wrist as he slid down on the couch until he could pull her down on top of him. "Miss me?" he asked in a voice roughened by passion and need. When she could only nod, he softly commanded "show me".
Buffy straddled his thighs and leaned forward to kiss him slowly running her hands and then her breasts up his chests until she could reach his lips. She bent to kiss him and the kiss rapidly escalated out of control. Their breath was coming in deep pants and their hands were moving off or aside any clothing between them as quickly as possible.
Buffy kissed her was down Giles body, licking and sucking neck, nipples, belly button until she reached his achingly hard erection. Wasting no time, Buffy, driven by an almost frenzied need to taste this man of hers lost no time in engulfing his warm flesh as deeply into her mouth as possible while using one hand to pump on the base of his cock and the other to massage his balls. She was almost overcome with the sight, taste and feel of this man, and the moans of pleasure he made were driving her higher and higher. She was shocked and disappointed when he told her she must stop.
"Buffy luv, I've wanted to make love to you for a long time, and if you keep pleasuring me so well this will be over in about five minutes, and the pleasure will truly have been all mine. With some reluctance then, Buffy allowed Giles to carry her to the bedroom where he tenderly undressed her and just gazed in amazement for a moment at her beauty. Then he began making beautiful love to her. When they were finally joined to one another's body, the Gods congratulated each other, but the Goddesses began to plan.
When Giles awoke in the morning he was alone. Knowing that Buffy had class in the morning, he thought he would go into the shop, get some business taken care of and finalize wedding plans with the rest of the party who all seemed to have the morning off. He whistled as he got ready, pleased with himself and with Buffy.
As he turned into the entrance of the shop, he thought he saw Buffy running down the street, but figured she had just stopped in to pick up something she had forgotten for class and was now hurrying. In his good mood, he didn't notice the silence that permeated the shop. Had he been more himself, he would have realized that any store containing Willow, Xander, Cordelia, Tara and Anya would not be quiet.
Giles asked Anya what was going on and Anya replied "you got a fax from England this morning. Buffy put it in your office." Giles also missed the almost freezing tone of voice in which Anya addressed him and that the others said nothing to him at all as he moved towards his office to check the fax.
He picked it up, and noticed with some curiousity that it was from the Council of Watchers. As he began to read the fax, he felt all of the color drain out of his face and the strength from his legs. He flopped into a chair and finished reading. The fax said "Rupert, the Council has discussed your request at length and are pleased to approve. If you really feel that marrying Buffy will make her a better slayer we must approve. And, as you mentioned, slayers die young and you can still make a life with a wife and children if you so desire. Good luck, and let us know if you need any help." And, God help him, it was signed Quentin Travers!
As Giles walked unsteadily into the shop, he felt five pairs of eyes glaring at him accusingly. As one, Willow and Xander said "how in the hell could you do this to Buffy? This is the kind of behavior we expect from the Council but not you. Have you been fooling all of us for all of these years just to make Buffy be what you wanted?" Willow, Tara, Xander and Cordelia turned their back on him and walked out the door. He was slightly encouraged that Anya stayed until she told him that she quit. She said she had ran across many heartless men in her life as a vengenance demon but he was the most despicable because Buffy had needed him so much and so little deserved to be used. With that, she also left the store not looking back and as Giles blinked back the tears, the Gods frowned but the Goddesses were pretty pleased with themselves.
That night, Giles paced back and forth in his apartment wondering how to fix this mess. He had never wanted to hurt Buffy, surely she understood that. What he didn't understand was why he to hurt so badly. And suddenly it came to him. How had this happened; when did he fall in love with his slayer? When did Buffy become the only woman, the only wife he would ever want? When did he begin to crave her like a drug and to despair at the thought of living without her?
Giles knew he had to get her back. She was the only light he ever needed and without her there was nothing left but darkness. Perhaps Willow would help him...she had always been quicker to forgive than anyone and he knew he couldn't do this alone. Already he was unbelievably lonely. Not only had he lost his Buffy, his Slayer, but he had lost the children. Would any of them ever forgive him?
He was afraid that Willow would not talk to him if he called, so he went to the UC Sunnydale campus and waited outside her classroom. Had he not grabbed her arm, she would have turned the other way. As it was, Giles had never seen gentle Willow look at anyone as coldly as she did him. "What do you want" she demanded? "Haven't you already caused enough damage? Not that you care, but we have to follow Buffy on patrol at night to make sure she doesn't just lie down in a cemetary and let the vamps take her. Why don't you just arrange for her to have a new watcher for the no doubt short remainder of her life, and go get that wife and children you really want?"
Neither had noticed that they began crying during this impassioned speech until they saw they tears on the others cheeks. As Giles tried to explain his reasoning and his blindness to the fact that he was in love with Buffy until it was too late, the tears flowed so hard he could barely speak. For a seemingly endless minute, Willow just watched him with that cold, distant look on her face, and then seeing his true remorse and unhappiness, she gradually softened and drew him into a gentle embrace whispering comforting sounds into his ear while he wept.
"Giles", Willow said compassionately, "I understand and can forgive you, but I don't know that Buffy ever can or will. She loves you more than anyone in her life which gave you the power to hurt her worse than anyone ever has and you did. I don't know if this can be fixed".
"But Willow" he said, "we've always been able to fix anything, is there nothing I can do, nothing we can do?" She explained to him that something had broken in Buffy when she read that fax and that she wasn't sure even she could intervene successfully. Willow also explained that Buffy had really been in love with Giles for years and that the other men were just substitutes because Buffy knew Giles was not in love with her. The last few months had been like a miracle to her which made the betryal so much worse. Giles was beginning to despair. And the Gods were angry but the Goddesses laughed.
That afternoon Willow called an emergency meeting of the slayerettes. While they were all reluctant to attend due to their current opinion of Giles and their love for Buffy, the heart of their group, they decided to let Willow have her say to be fair, and then be done with it.
Giles and Willow knew the group would not trust him without some pretty strong convincing, so as soon as everyone was gathered, Willow asked Tara and Anya to put a truth spell on Giles so that there could be no doubt. Once the spell was completed, all of the slayerettes, including Willow, put Giles through an exhausting interrogation. In the end, although they all agreed on his stupidity in this matter, there were convinced that his intentions had been good if misguided and that he truly did love Buffy. The only problem now was how to convince her and they knew a truth spell from her friends could not be trusted.
They threw ideas around for hours until all of them were getting tired and frustrated and Xander reminded them that it was his night to follow Buffy on patrol to stop her from doing anything foolish. As he left, he said "it's too bad Ethan Rayne's not here. Buffy would never believe he put Giles under a truth spell for any altruistic motive so she would be much more inclined to believe him under a spell by Ethan than by any we cast". He didn't notice the slayerettes staring at him openmouthed as he walked out the door to protect his friend.
"Of course," they chorused. "Ethan Rayne!" "But" Giles cautioned "we also can't tell Ethan what is really going on or he will do the opposite just to make trouble". It was decided that the slayerettes would divide into teams and visit places where certain sources who were known to report to Ethan hung out. There they would contrive to be overheard discussing how disgusted Buffy would be if she knew that Giles was in love with her, as in fact, they were disgusted. The rest could be left safely to the rumor mill.
Giles begged the slayerettes to watch over his Buffy for him because she could feel his presence and he could not risk distracting her any further until Ethan showed up. The slayerettes began that evening going to every known spy hang out and laughing up the story of how disgusting the thought of Giles and Buffy was, how she would hate it and him it it became known, how they would hide their disgust for his sake but "ewwiee" and thank God they couldn't all be locked up together and forced by a truth spell. It wasn't subtle but neither were Ethan or his spies. And the Gods wept and the Goddesses smiled.
Within weeks, their mouse had taken the bait. Ethan had been seen in Sunnydale and Giles knew it was only a matter of time before things were back to normal. And not a moment too soon. The slayer did nothing but kill and sleep, getting thinner and more distant. The slayerettes were becoming tired trying to follow Buffy at night and work during the day and worrying about both of their friends.
Giles was beginning to despair himself. Life without being able to see or touch his Slayer was almost unbearable. He knew if something happened to Buffy, or if the situation wasn't resolved he would not live long - the burden would be intolerable.
Two weeks later the slayerettes showed up en-masse at his door explaining that they felt a compulsion to be there. They all, despite the compulsion, had big grins on their face because they knew that one way or the other Buffy and Giles situation would be resolved tonight. When Buffy finally showed up two hours later, the others had been about to give up. But one look at her face showed the tremendous effort she had put into remaining away and how badly it hurt her to be here. Giles could barely restrain his tears at the way Buffy looked and the knowledge of exactly how badly he had hurt her slammed home once again.
"Well" she said in a cold brittle tone of voice "what have we here"? Suddenly all of them were gripped with an immobility spell and Ethan Rayne walked into the apartment. "Well, look here. Pardon the immobility spell, it will only last a short while, but I saw no sense in getting pummeled while explaining to Ripper just what was happening."
"Ripper, it is being spread around town that there are certain things you don't want your slayer to know and that the children don't want you to know, so I thought it might be amusing to force you to spend the next twelve hours together unable to speak anything but the truth. And lest you hope to escape by refusing to speak, I have also cast a spell making that impossible. Since I only have twelve hours to get out of town before you and the slayer attempt to kill me, I'll be leaving now. Enjoy!" With that he slithered out the door.
Willow spoke first. "Since we have to speak the truth, let's draw straws to see who goes in what order and perhaps when we have all said what we have to say the spell will be broken." Everyone agreed looking anxiously at Buffy. And the Gods and the Goddesses watched.
Anya drew the shortest straw, then Cordelia, Xander, Tara, Willow, Giles and Buffy. Anya said how much she loved Xander, how she really cared about the others and how much she hated what had happened to Buffy and Giles. When she arrived at the end, she felt the compulsion lift and was able to leave.
Cordelia typically griped about how much the cancelled wedding had interferred with planning her summer and that she also hated what had happened to Giles and Buffy. She also told them that they had Angel's complete blessing.
Xander's speech was somewhat longer going over the past, the bonds of love, trust and affection that they all had for one another and how special what Giles and Buffy had together and it would make him so happy if they could work it out.
Tara, with her typical lack of self confidence, said how happy she was to be included in the group and that it was obvious that Giles and Buffy belonged together and maybe for once something good would come out of one of Ethan's spell.
Now it was just Willow, Giles and Buffy left in the apartment. Giles watched Buffy with his heart in his eyes, Buffy would not look at Giles at all, and Willow's gaze danced between the two of them. Willow told Buffy all that had transpired since Giles had come to see her, the spells, the plan, and her sincere belief that Giles loved Buffy completely. With that she left the couple alone.
Giles began speaking. He told Buffy everything, not trying to hide or gloss over any of his imperfections, his arrogance, his now overwhelming love for her, his desire to marry only her, to have children only with her. His need to have her in his life even if only as a slayer because he couldn't bear the thought of living without seeing her, talking to her and knowing she was safe. He begged her forgiveness, tears streaming down his face as he pleaded for any place in her life at all where she would allow him.
Now it was Buffy's turn. She told him that she had never been as badly hurt in her life because she had never loved anyone as much as she loved him so the power to hurt was multiplied. She said how much she loved him but she was afraid to trust again, because she couldn't live with another such betrayal, but she would try one more because she was even more afraid of never feeling such love again.
Giles swept her into his arms, both of them just murmuring over and over again "I love you". Their clothes appeared to melt off of their bodies, and the next time they drew breath, they were on Giles bed, he was buried deeply inside of her thrusting into her while she rose to meet every thrust. As they both rose to their climax their feeling of waking after a terrifying nightmare began to fade into a haze and their love rose to new heights.
Afterwards, wrapped in each others arms they talked and planned for the future that both knew was real this time. And the Gods and the Goddesses were happy.