Feel what I feel
By Alena

Title: Feel what I feel
Author: Alena
Disclaimer: The characters belong to Joss Whedon , mutant enemy, sandollar and so on. No commercial reasons, just for the fun of it. Don't sue please.
Summary: Giles found Buffy bleeding and unconscious on his doorstep. Buffy had some revealing visions,...
Spoilers: helpless, passion, episodes before Bad eggs and the Prom. I think.
Pairing up: Buffy/Giles
Notes: no smut, just sweet at times, I think.
Feedback : would be really nice, but don't be harsh, this is my first fanfic and my first attempt to write a story up till now


3 a.m. already. He looked at his watch one more time and mumbled " 3 a.m." again.
It has been five hours now, since Buffy had left. He was worried sick. She was supposed to check in with him.
He continued pacing through his flat.

Heavy knocking. "Finally " Giles sighed in relieve. He raced to open the door for her, his Everything. But when he reached for the doorknob he suddenly froze.
"Who's there?" he asked. No answer. " Who is there? At my door?" Still no answer.
"I can't open the door if I don't know who's there!" Silence
"Buffy? Is it you? " he asked a little less loud. He waited. He just heard something scratching the door. Some kind of domestic animal perhaps? " No, man, what are you thinking, a cat would certainly not knock on the door, now would it? "

He decided to open it anyway. But before he did, he grabbed a crucifix from his drawer and opened the door.
There she was, on the ground, bleeding from a cut in her face. Her golden hair, sticky from the blood.
"Buffy!! What happened? Who did this to you? " But his questions remained unanswered, for she was unconscious.
He bend down and took her into his arms ever so gently, she could have fractures. He laid her on the couch, fetched a bowl of warm water, a cloth and started to clean her wound.
Old memories came back to him, this wasn't the first time he had done this. But only, she had been awake then and she had cried. Although his heart breaks every time she cries, he'd better see her cry then like this, motionless, dead like.

He almost couldn't bare it. But then he thought that she would be strong, if it were him laying there. When he finished taking care of her, making sure nothing was broken, he sat down on the floor, next to her, waiting for her to wake up.
He took her hand and caressed it. " My dearest" he whispered ever so softly "Please wake up, I can't do this without you either. "
But it was not only the slaying he was talking about, he meant living and everything.
He didn't realize it before the cruciamentum. He knew he respected her and cared for her even, but loved? Really loved? No, he wouldn't even thought about that.

He was at the verge of falling asleep when she budged. Her fingers stirring in his hand.
He leaned over her, waving his hand in front of her face. " Buffy? Buffy?, are you awake?"
She opened her eyes and said " Giles? Is that you? "
"Yes, shhhh, it's alright now." He paused for a little while. " You think you're able to tell me what has happened? "

She nodded and slowly began to speak. " It was, a demon. He didn't fight me at first. I just had a terrible headache and saw all kinds of pictures in my head. I wanted it to stop, so I threw a punch at him and gave him a couple of kicks. He just fenced me off.
But I continued my attack and all of a sudden he swipes in my face and all I can remember from there is that someone found me and left me at your doorstep. There I completely passed out.

Giles had listened to her story without moving or making a sound.
Then he just asked her " Those pictures you saw, in your head Buffy, what were they about?"

Her face changed, her eyes went blank and she started breathing more heavily.
"Were they so bad? " Giles inquired softly, but persistently.
She nodded.
"Take your time, but you must tell me, it could be an important premonition of some kind Buffy."

"I don't think it was a prophetic vision Giles, it was just stuff, stuff that happened before, nothing important really. "

"Buffy, is it just me, or are you avoiding to answer me here? "

She looked him straight in the eye and said " You wanna know what I saw? I'll tell you what I saw. I saw through Willow' eyes how Xander and Cordy kissed in the library. And I felt her pain. I saw how she saw Oz changed into a werewolf all of a sudden.
I heard Xanders parents fight. I saw Cordy looking into a mirror, wanting her prom dress so badly, but not being able to buy it. Which doesn't sound so horrible, but is probably the worst thing that could ever happen to Cordelia.
And I saw Angel............... torturing you." She looked down, not daring to look into his eyes again.
"Are you happy now? Are you gonna run of to yours books now? Looking up what kind of demon makes you see and feel painful things others you care for and love experienced? " she added bitterly, still staring at the floor.

"Why would I be happy Buffy? You're hurt, not only physically, but mentally too. But you must understand that I can't help you if I don't know what's going on."

"I wasn't quite finished there, Giles. I think all that fear and pain made me realize something. Seeing you get hurt was the most horrible thing of them all. I didn't only see what Angel did to you. I also saw how I have hurt you, by lying and stuff.
I also felt how you felt then. Although you were hurting badly, there was still something warm there. And when the demon left all I could feel was that warmth. And I felt comfortable with it,.. at ease,......safe,.................loved,........
She broke of her sentence and looked at him.

He looked back at her, not able to stop himself from loving her, and trying to hide it.
Of course he failed miserably.
Then he stuttered "Well, off course I love you, that's what's got me fired in the first place and,.."

She sat up and put her finger on his lips, to shut him up.
"Who are you kidding Giles? Me? That wasn't just a father's love I felt there, that was way deeper, way more consuming. And you wanna know what? I wasn't grossed out or anything.
It felt so good, so... natural. "
She paused to catch her breath.
"I'm just pissed off because you can make me feel this way. Not because you can, but because you won't......Why won't you? "

He couldn't believe what he just heard, coming out of the mouth of his only reason to exist.
"I would but, our friendship could very much so be at stake and,..."

Suddenly, she smiled her crooked smile "Giles, you leave the staking business to me O.K.?"

Understanding what she meant he couldn't suppress a little smile himself.

But she had already stopped smiling and looked at him seriously " I want to hear it from you Rupert Giles, all I have to tell you is that I love you, not like a father, not just as my friend, but as a man. A man with feelings of his own,..."

"....and stuff?" He finished her sentence. She just nodded.

"I love you, dearest Buffy, everything there is to love about you."

Before he knew it he was holding her close to him. Her hair still smelled like blood, but he didn't care. She was there, in his arms close, warm,breathing, living.

"I'm kindda tired Giles" she yawned
"Should I take you home then?" he asked without letting go.
" But I, I am home, wherever you are is home. But do call my mom and tell her something came up, I'll go upstairs and make myself comfy in your bed."

"But aren't you ill? Headache, that cut?"
"I'm the Slayer Giles, nothing can wear me out that easily" she said and blinked at him.

"Do I smell a wager there Miss Summers?"

"Why don't you come up and find that out in a minute?" she said with a mysterious look in her eyes before she went up the stairs,..........