The Emperor's New Clothes
By Renee

PLOT- Buffy buys Giles some trousers that aren't all that they seem.
DEDICATION - To two dear friends. To Eagle Woluf, this isn't exactly the fic you challenged me to write but it's as close as I could get. To Jac, thanks for always offering up a kind word when I thought my writing sucked beyond the telling of it.
AUTHOR - Renee
TITLE - The Emperor's New Clothes
RATING - R? Maybe for the number of references to Giles' anaconda (wink wink nudge nudge say no more)
DISCLAIMER - Joss and co. own the entire Buffy universe.
SPOILERS - Set sometime during season 5 I guess.
FEEDBACK - If you're good boys and girls and give me feedback then you can have your dessert.

"Remind me why we're here again?"
"For the twelfth time, we're here to buy Giles a new pair of trousers."
"Oh yeah, why are we buying Giles pants?"
"Because his best pair were DOA last night on patrol."
Buffy's face paled as she recalled the events of the evening before. It had been quiet and they were enjoying a rare opportunity to just talk, they had spent so little time together this year. Buffy had missed his companionship, she missed hearing that voice and how it wrapped itself around her like a blankie. He wasn't just her safety net though, he was her life. Riley had been....well the nicest word for it was a mistake. She knew she couldn't have the man of her dreams so she'd settled for safe, reliable old Riley, he couldn't hurt her because she'd never allowed him to have that kind of power.


She had sat on a tombstone and just watched him as he recounted a story. She loved just sitting back and allowing herself to stare at him. He had this air of charm and mystique, he knew more than the rest of those stuffy old watchers put together. She was mesmerised by him and yet she'd never given him the slightest indication of her love. She had made up her mind, though she wouldn't burden him with the knowledge of her it she would treat him better, show that he was important to her.

Mid sentence she saw his eyes widen and followed their gaze, a large purple demon was lumbering toward them. She saw an axe glint in the moonlight in what she supposed was its fist. It charged and she tensed for a fight, she threw a punch towards its head, it wasn't even fazed. Deciding a different tack was required she swept to the side and grabbed a large tree branch. She swung again at the back of its head and was pleased when she heard it roar in pain. She was so busy congratulating herself that she timed her move a second too late and was knocked to the ground by a large paw.

"Buffy!" Giles failed to hide the concern from his voice. Giles charged and thrust his sword through the demon's chest. It flailed sideways and talons ripped through Giles' trousers causing deep gashes in his upper thigh. It fell with a loud thud and Giles collapsed beside it. Buffy ran towards him, her heart frozen with fear. She stroked his face and urgently spoke his name. Giles' eyes opened and he groaned in pain, "I'm fine Buffy just a little worse for wear." He smiled gently to reassure her. Her heart slowly began to pump again until it was racing with affection.


The girls thumbed through rack after rack of trousers, "Ummm Buffy why are we still here? Don't get me wrong I love Giles and I'm beyond thrilled that you're suddenly taking such a vested interested in him, but I'm curious, why now?" Buffy bit her lip, should she tell Will the truth? Lies had only managed to cause pain and mistrust. She took a deep breath and drug Willow to the corner of the small store.
"You have to promise that if I tell you, you won't laugh or make me regret saying anything, OK?"
Willow nodded excitedly, "Scout's honour!"
"I love him Will and I don't mean in a daughterly manner."
Willow jumped up and down on the spot, "well it's about time." Buffy started to defend herself when Willow's words broke through. Buffy's mouth dropped open but only a 'huh?' emerged.

"I'm sorry, in the crazy delusional part of my mind I thought you said 'about time'"
"I did, man when it comes to your feelings you're as bad as Giles, which I guess is good since it's him that you feel about, and I think he very much feels too, for you I mean and is this in anyway ramble like?" She smiled and zipped her mouth closed.
"You knew?" Buffy was still too overwhelmed by this new information to notice how adorable Will was being.
"Buff I think everyone but you and Giles knew." Buffy slumped into a nearby seat trying to get her thoughts under control.

Willow let her take a moment to catch up while she continued hunting for the perfect pair of trousers. Two minutes later they were dangling in front of Buffy's glossy eyes, she stirred and focused on them. "Wow, I think those are the ones." They took them to the sales lady at the counter and asked that they be gift-wrapped. "Oh for someone special are they?"
Buffy squeaked, "special? Why do you say that?"
The lady smiled patiently, "because you've looked at every pair I have."
Buffy blushed, "Oh."
"Are they for Mr Right?"
She nodded getting more and more comfortable at having her feelings for Giles out in the open. "Yeah I think he is."
"I'm sure you'll be enchanted by what you see when he puts them on."
They thanked the lady and hurried from the store, Buffy couldn't wait to see them on him.

As they disappeared around a corner the saleswoman's image began to shimmer then change shape. The long hair shrunk until it was short back and sides, she grew a little taller but probably the most significant change occurred when her breasts reduced into peckfss and well you can gather the rest. Instead of a pleasant looking 25-year- old female now it was Ethan Rayne who stood behind the counter. "Poor Ripper, that one will give him a heart attack, course once she sees him in those pants she may have one first." He chuckled to himself then closed up the store. The girls walked hand in hand towards Giles' flat, the gang was supposed to meet there in half an hour. "How is Giles doing after last night? Does his leg still hurt?"


Buffy thought back to when she'd managed to get him home after the demon was defeated. She ordered him to lie on the couch while she went for the supplies, she knew his home like the back of her hand. She asked that he remove his pants but being stubborn and wanting to maintain a level of etiquette he refused and instead ripped the leg away since the trousers were destroyed anyway. The scratches weren't too bad, wouldn't really even need stitches. She applied some antiseptic and bandaged them anyway, when she finally removed her gaze from his leg she was rewarded with a smile. Goodness knows how long he'd been staring, but it was nice, she liked it and hoped he'd do it more often.

"Alright Mr Giles, off to bed with you." She handed him some painkillers and helped him to his bed. Truth be told he could walk just fine by himself but neither of them were eager to point that out, so she put an arm around his waist and he one on her shoulder and they headed upstairs together.
"So....ummmm....bed?" She blushed as she realised how that must sound, but a part of her hoped he'd taken it that way too, that he ever thought of her that way. "Ah yes, thank you m'dear."

She waited as he changed in the bathroom, when he emerged she had to force herself to breathe. Apparently Giles only wore a flattering pair of black satin boxers to bed. Her eyes roamed his chest and she was amazed at how aroused it made her. She nearly died when she realised she was sitting on his bed while perving at his lack of dress. She stood hastily and helped him into bed, she missed the way his eyes danced, he'd noticed the flushed cheeks and laboured breathing but wanted to let her make the first move, he had to know this was more than a fling as it was for him. He loved her heart mind and soul, there wasn't anything he wouldn't do for her, including hold that love at bay if it was what she desired.

She tucked him in and asked if there was anything he needed, 'yes to be able to hold you, caress your skin,' "No thank you you've been an enormous help tonight." She smiled and stared at her feet, she loved to let his praise wash over her, it made her clean again. She turned out the light and went home, Giles lay awake for some time after he heard the front door close. Yes he was once more going to bed alone, but the things he'd learnt from her body language tonight were enough to comfort him in the dark.


Willow and Buffy burst through Giles' front door, he loved the sound of their laughter and wondered what had put them in such a good mood. Xander was sitting on the couch thumbing through the latest Spiderman comic. Buffy swaggered up to Giles, he could tell she was hiding something behind her back but decided to play ignorant. "Here you go Giles I got you something." She bit her bottom lip, hoping he'd like what was wrapped inside.
"Whatever for Buffy, my birthday's not for two more months?"
"I know it's kind of a 'sorry I've been such an idiot, sorry I've ignored you so much this past year even though you're the most important person to me," she shot Xander a slayer glare when he interrupted her with a 'Hey!'. "Sorry I let my feelings for Olivia keep me away and then my hurt from your reaction drive me even further, sorry I haven't been the kind of friend you have and ummm....sorry you got hurt last night because I let my guard down for 2 seconds too long." She took a deep breath and handed him the parcel. His eyes had become misty, he nonchalantly wiped them with his sleeve and took his present from her. He was smiling, she had made him smile, her heart did little somersaults inside.

He carefully opened it and pulled the stunning black silk trousers from their box. Standing he held them against himself and was pleased with how they looked. He decided that this was cause for some unusual behaviour on his part. He leant forward and placed a quick but unmistakably, at least to her, emotion filled peck on her cheek. She could sense the passion boiling beneath the surface of his gesture and licked her lips in reply. He saw the fire dancing in her eyes and had to remind himself to breathe.
"I'll just go put these on, we're all still going to the bronze tonight I assume?" She noticed the sudden huskiness of his voice and all she could do was nod.

He returned minutes later, Willow responded, "Giles you look great, I can't believe they fit so well.....I mean umm cuz we got the right size.... not cuz you look hot or anything, well you do.....but ummm....Buffy?!?" Buffy stood staring at Giles with her mouth hanging almost painfully wide. She tried to speak but the words wouldn't come. 'Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!' the mantra repeated itself over and over again. Giles was wearing a beautiful blue silk shirt and nothing else. He was naked as a jaybird from the waist down, he didn't even have underpants on for goodness sakes. Wow! 'He really is the ultimate package emphasis on package!' Buffy looked to Willow and Xander, they didn't seem at all bothered by the fact that Giles' man goodies were on display.

Buffy was blushing a dark red, "ummm Giles aren't we forgetting something?" She looked pointedly at him hoping he'd notice his bait and tackle were out of the box. He stared at her wondering what on earth could have her so flustered, "Oh of course." He ducked back inside his bedroom to grab the silver earring, how could he have forgotten?

"Oh my Gosh Will did you see that?"
"Yeah he looked super hot!"
"Super hot? He looked pornographic!"
Willow shuffled uncomfortably, "I don't know if I'd go that far but then I'm not in love with him." She held her hand over Xander's mouth to prevent him from saying something stupid, he slumped onto the couch.
"Willow you could see everything!"
"Well they were tight in all the right places." She grinned evilly, not completely over her Giles crush.
"What are you talking about he was naked from the waist down!" Buffy yelled this so loud that Giles popped his head out of the doorway.

"I beg your pardon?"
"Giles you're not wearing anything from the waist down!"
"Though I may be going commando as your generation may refer to it I most certainly am wearing the pants you bought for me."
Xander began to rock back and forth holding his hands firmly over his ears, he could have died a very happy man never knowing Giles didn't wear underpants.
Buffy floundered and looked at the three faces staring with confusion at her, she was so flustered she forgot to breathe and passed out.

As she came to, a face began to clear in front of her own, it was kind and sexy and she knew she loved its owner. Her hand came up to her head as she groaned. Giles immediately helped her to the couch and sat her down. She began pointing wildly at his crotch saying unintelligable sentences like, twig and berries, English sausage, man candy. Giles grabbed hold of her and forced her eyes upwards, as much as he was enjoying her fixation on his crotch he was immensely concerned about her.

"Buffy breathe please." She calmed a little and began to breath deeply in and out. "Now tell me in slow sentences and without panicking what's going on."
"You'!" She tried to remain calm but the circumstances and nearness of him were making it exceptionally difficult. "Luv I assure you I am." She looked in his eyes and he seemed pretty secure in the knowledge he had on pants, as did Willow and Xander.

"Ok so let me get this straight," she began to gesture at Giles' crotch, "when you look at Giles'......dachshund you see trousers?"
Xander cleared his throat, "Ummm Buffy I haven't been looking at Giles' you know what but I think I would have noticed if it had come out to say hello."
"Yeah Buffy I see pants when I look at Giles too."
"B.....b....but how can that be? All I see is naked Giles goodness, I mean bad Buffy bad."

Willow waved a hand in front of Buffy's eyes but she was obsessed with the view. Giles grabbed a large cushion and placed it over his lap. "Now what do you see Buffy?"
She pouted, "only a stupid cushion, although," she leant all the way to her right side, "from this angle I can almost make out thigh."
"Buffy!" Xander was shocked by her behaviour though a little voice in his mind told him if Buffy were in see-through pants he would be acting very much the same.

"I think I have this figured out, did you buy these pants from a little boutique?"
"Yes." Willow was forced to answer for them both as Buffy was trying to get a better look under the cushion.
"Did the person that sold them mention enchantment?"
Willow tried her best to remember everything that had occurred earlier that day. "Yeah actually she said Buffy would be enchanted by what she saw when you put them on, oh....OH!"
"Oh indeed Willow, I fear these pants have a spell on them which makes them ah.....invisible to Buffy."

Willow grabbed Xander's hand and drug him towards the doorway, "Well since the problem is solved we'll just leave you two alone, ah I think the bronze is closed tonight anyway, see you tomorrow."
"The bronze isn't closed any night Will..." The rest of his words were muzzled by Willow's hand as she pulled the door closed behind them.

Buffy suddenly aware that she'd been overtly checking out Giles stared at the floor overcome with embarrassment. His courage was bolstered by her obvious desire, he placed a finger under her chin until she was staring into his eyes. "Did you like what you saw?" She whimpered aroused by his tone and the fact they were having this conversation at all. "Buffy, I think the time for pretence and hiding is over don't you?"
She merely nodded scared at where this would take them. "Buffy I love you, I always have and I would lay down my life for you."

"Oh Giles, I love you too, I'm in love with you. You're this other part of me that I can't function without. I'm better when I'm with you, I can feel it whenever you're around. I love you so much." He gathered her into his arms and held her, heart bursting with love and pride that he would have such a creature as his own. "Luv I'm yours, I have been such since before you were born and I will be for all of eternity."
"I'm yours too Giles, I don't deserve you but if you'll have me then I give myself freely to you."

He placed soft kisses all over her face as their tears intermingled, never before had he known happiness like this existed. She hadn't dared allow herself to imagine how perfect it would feel in his arms, to have his lips meld themselves to her own. A wall of bliss surrounded her and she never wanted to be free of it. He carried her to his loft and they made sweet love till the early hours of the morning. They awoke in each other's arms to kisses and declarations of love.

Buffy propped herself up on one arm and lazily wound her finger through his chest hair.
"So Giles, ummm when we go out with the guys next can you ummm....wear these pants?"
"You think you can handle that luv? I mean how would you be able to concentrate on anything else?"
"Concentration is waaay overrated anyway," he gave her a stern look and she relented, "Ok concentration on patrol good thing, mindless ogling the goodies when we're doing other stuff great thing." She squealed as he slapped her arse and they began to wrestle. Her playful cries soon became moans of desire, it would be a long but wonderful day.