Complicated

AUTHOR: Gabriele Schulz
EMAIL:
gabrieles_sd@yahoo.com
RATING: PG13
DISTRIBUTION: Solo84, Cap, Dria14, Eskalade, Jess, Sai. Others please ask first.
SPOILERS: Up to "The Harsh Light of Day"
FEEDBACK: Always welcome and appreciated.
SUMMARY: A talk between Buffy and Giles reveals the complicated nature of her feelings. B/G
DISCLAIMER: The characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar Productions, Kuzui Enterprises, 20th Century Fox Television, the WB Television Network, and whoever else may have a hold on them. I do not mean to infringe upon any copyrights.
NOTE: For Deena (Lily2332), because she sort of inspired it with her summary. For Solo84, because she is so great. For Cap, because he's great, too :-) And finally for all those B/G Shippers out there, because you deserve it!
Set right after the episode ends, which I by the way haven't seen yet.
DATE: 10/23/99


"Hello Buffy."

She looked at him, then back in front of her, saying nothing, walking on.

"Are you all right?"

"As I said: Adult, none of your business. I thought you agreed."

"I do. I'm glad you're an adult and I accept that I have no right to ask you to tell me about your life. But it also doesn't mean that you *can't* talk to me even if you want to."

"Why would I want to?"

"I'll listen."

She looked at him then back ahead of her. He almost thought she would never speak, when she started, not looking at him.

"You're not happy, that I'm giving the ring to Angel."

"I-I'm just concerned."

"I know, but... he's one of the good guys. And this will help him fight the evil."

"I know, I... I know."

They walked in silence for a short moment.

"You're glad he left, aren't you?"

"I... I think it was the best he ever did for you."

"He saved my life! All of our lives."

"I know that, but leaving you was the only unselfish thing he did for you."

She stopped at looked at him wide-eyed.

"How can you say that?"

"It's my belief. Buffy, leaving you was the right thing. And even if you still don't know that, you will some day."

"Giles, I do know it, but that doesn't mean I like it. Besides didn't *you* think that it was the right thing to let me fight alone. And still you're here with me."

"I..."

"You couldn't just leave me alone. How can you blame him for feeling the same?"

"Buffy, I believe helping you is different to-"

"Different how? He helped me, too."

"Yes, but... my being with you won't hurt you."

"Really?"

He looked shocked.

"Giles I look at you and your eyes are... full of pain and they are saying 'Buffy...' in that way that makes me mad, because no one can put so much emotion in my name. No, you don't say anything, you just look at me in those ways, that...argh."

"I'm sorry... I..."

"What for? It's not your fault, you care about me."

He looked puzzled. She started walking again. He followed.

"I spent that night with a guy."

"Now that comes as a surprise."

She looked at him and seeing his gentle smile she gave him a short smile back.

"His name is Parker and he's a poophead. Are all guys like that? I mean why is it impossible to... you know and not wake up alone."

"It's not impossible. You just need to find the right man."

"Yeah, right. *Just*."

"I know that it seems difficult, but you are so... Maybe it would help to put up some rules. Like he has to be alive. And he has to love you."

"Maybe that narrows it down just a little too much. Come to think of it, I can count the people that leaves in one hand. My dad, Xander, Oz, well at least I think so, you know in a friend love way, which by the way leads to the weak point in your rules-idea: Oz - friend's love, Dad - father's love, Xander, well Xander, I'm not *really* sure about his feelings, but I'm pretty sure about mine..."

They walked in silence for a while before Buffy spoke very quietly.

"You know, I didn't forget you in there Giles."

He looked at her, his expression unreadable.

"I... it's just that Xander, Oz, Dad - easy, but you..."

"Not easy?"

"Not at all. In fact very complicated."

"Do you want to explain it?"

She thought about it.

"No, I don't think so. Not yet. Besides the actual point of this was to find someone, who really loves me, and you, well..."

She looked for any sign, and for a second she thought she saw... something, but then his face was unreadable again.

"Buffy, I'm sure there are plenty of men, honorable man, who..."

"Are in love with me? Yes, sure. They just chose to run and hide, wherever I show up. Giles I wished one of them would just come up and... kiss me, without even saying a word."

He stopped and when she noticed she turned around to him. He looked at her for a long moment, then quickly moved forward and kissed her.

For a moment she was just stunned, then she responded before pulling away and just walking on quickly.

"Buffy, I'm sorry, that was just..."

She turned around to him and he nearly walked right into her.

"We both know *exactly* what that was!"

"I'm sorry..."

"How often are you going to say that?"

"I... I know that I can expect nothing fr-"

"And how do you know that?"

He just watched her not comprehending.

"How do you know, if even *I* don't."

"You...?"

"I... Giles I have all these feelings. Confusing feelings. Complicated feelings. Before it was just Angel. Either 'I'm so in love with Angel' or 'Boohoo, I'm so sad because of Angel', but things have changed. *I* have changed. I still feel something for Angel. I think I still love him in some way. I want him to be, well, not happy, because he can't be that, but I want him to be fine. That's why I wanted him to have the ring. He deserves it. He needs it to repay his debts. To make up for everything he did. I miss him. But I *know* that it was the right thing to leave me. And I *know* that I have to move on. I want to. I did. I started to fantasize about... different people. And you were one of them. But that was just... and now... I keep thinking of you, even if I don't want to. I even... god, I dreamed about you. About making love with you and it was better than with Angel. This is frightening. And I can't handle frightening right now. I need a someone, who is just someone. Parker seemed the right one. But even when I... when we - I thought of you. But I don't think... I just don't know if I - god, why is everything so complicated."

"Buffy..."

He moved forward, but she backed away.

"No, Giles, I... you deserve - the whole package, you know? Unconditional love. No doubts, no fears, ring on finger, bunch of kids. Everything. And I don't know if I'm ready for that."

"Buffy, you don't have to marry me-"

"But I want to! I mean... maybe I'm not yet an adult after all. I keep trying not to love you. Why am I doing that?"

"I don't know. I just know that I love you more than anything."

"God, Giles, why did you have to say that?"

"I'm s-"

Before he could say it she covered his lips with hers. It turned into a real kiss, when he realized she wouldn't pull back this time.

She moved her arms around his neck pulling him down to her while she stood on tip-toe. The kiss deepened. He started stroking her back and her hair and when her tongue begged for entry he willingly opened his mouth to her. They explored each other until lack of oxygen forced them apart. They were both panting.

"I don't ever want to hear that from you again."

"That I love you?"

"No, that you're sorry. I always know when you are. And most of the time there is no reason you should be."

They looked at each other their arms still around each other.

"So what are we now?"

"I'm not sure what you are Giles, but I'm pretty sure, I'm still a slayer."

He smiled at her.

"You know what I-"

"Yes, I do. Just wanted to make you smile. You do it too seldom."

He smiled again.

"It's gorgeous."

He blushed.

"Blushing is even cuter."

He tried to frown.

"Buffy..."

"Now that's just too sweet: blushing and frowning and smiling, all at the same time."

She mimicked his expression. Then she got serious again.

"I love you, Rupert Giles."

"No more complicated?"

"Loving you was always clear. I just didn't know if I was ready."

"And now you are?"

"I... Giles, can I stay with you tonight? Not to... just... I want to know what it feels like to wake up next to the person you love. So can I?"

"Of course dear."

"'Dear'? Sounds nice, sweetie."

She smiled at him and he smiled back. She stood on tip-toe again and gave him a quick kiss on the mouth before wrapping her arm around his and walking again.



Neither of them thought they'd get a second of sleep with the other so close, but surprisingly enough, the moment they put their arms around each other there was just peace and quiet. They fell asleep dreaming happy dreams of each other.



Buffy woke up, lying half on top of Giles and feeling his breath on her neck. She smiled. She moved slightly so that she could look at him and he made an unhappy face. She moved forward and kissed his cheek, then nibbled on his earlobe. He made a satisfied 'hmmmm' sound. When she looked at him she saw that he smiled.

Now, that was definitely a waking up, she could get used to. She kissed him and knew that he had fully awoken when his hands came up around her and pulled her on top of him. Once again only lack of oxygen could force their hungry lips apart.

"Morning love."

"Morning sweetie."

He found himself blushing again.

"You know, it's just kind of sad that this perfect morning-after doesn't really come after... it."

"So waking up isn't always horrible?"

She shook her head.

"It's more something I could get used to."

His eyes brightened.

"So the complicated isn't complicated anymore?"

"It's different complicated."

"How?"

"Well, for once, with you being between jobs, how can you afford a wife and kids and everything."

He smiled widely.

"You would marry me?"

"I want a ring first and we need to tell my mom and, god, my dad won't be happy, and Xander and the others, hmmm... and I guess we should make love, just so that I know for sure you won't turn evil afterwards."

"But we don't have to stick to that order do we?"

She shook her head again, smiling seductively.

Then she bent down and kissed him again...

END