Baby Can I Hold You?
By Puffy Xander
Title: Baby Can I Hold You?
Summary: Buffy and Giles overcome their insecurities and discover that their greatest wish can come true.
Rating: NC-17 eventually
Spoilers: "Fool for Love" & "Checkpoint"
Disclaimer: All Characters from BTVS belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. I do not own them (unfortunately). No characters or animals were injured during the writing of this fic. At the end of the fic all characters will have the memories of what occurred erased and be returned in the condition in which they were found. "Baby Can I Hold You" does not belong to me either. It belongs to Tracy Chapman and to Elektra/Asylum records. Please do not sue me I own nothing.
Author: Puffy Xander
Author Notes: This is my first fic, so please forgive me if it sucks. Feedback is encouraged. This fic takes place right after "Checkpoint", so Joyce is still alive.
Giles sat in his apartment thinking about the events of the past couple of days. The Council had come to Sunnydale to try and assert their authority over Buffy, by holding information about Glory over her head. As per usual Buffy had seen through The Council's charade. Not only did she single-handedly get Quentin Travers to hand over the information about Glory and leave, but also Buffy managed to get him reinstated as her watcher.
"There is nothing that girl can't accomplish once she sets her mind to something." Giles mused into the emptiness of his apartment.
No matter what Giles was doing his thoughts could always be counted on to turn to Buffy. But with the Council there this past week, Giles started thinking about his biggest betrayal of Buffy. The Cruciamentum, it had been two years since that dreadful test and yet Giles still couldn't get it out of his mind.
After Buffy had run away he had admitted to himself that he loved her. In spite of how he felt he bowed to the Council and drugged her. He couldn't go through with the rest of the test though and was fired by Quentin Travers himself for loving her. The moment that Travers had uttered those words, Giles was terrified that he had been found out and that Buffy would never talk to him again. But Travers, the pillock had said that his love for Buffy had been paternal, when nothing could have been further from the truth. Giles knew that he shouldn't love her, but he couldn't get himself to stop.
So he sat in his empty apartment brooding about his slayer and what she had been through in the past couple of months.
Could the Powers that Be give her a break she had enough on her plate with her mother's tumor, Dawn's supernatural background, Riley leaving, (what was that boy thinking leaving Buffy. It had been the one act he could not bring himself to do. And Giles constantly wondered whether that was a good thing or not.) and now having to battle Glory who was a God.
Life was hard on slayers, Giles thought. His greatest wish was to have her in his arms, but knowing she did not feel the way he did, he simply wanted to keep her safe.
Buffy sat in her room listening to music and thinking. How dare the Council try to hold information over her head. What if she hadn't been able to convince them to give up on the test, and had then failed it. What would have happened to Dawn. The thought made her sick to her stomach.
The Council what a bunch of phonies they claimed to be helping the slayer, but they had tried to kill her twice. Once on her Birthday with the Cruciamentum, and then later when she was in Faith's body.
Thank God she had Giles she didn't know where she would be without him. Scratch that she knew exactly where she would be without him, six feet under.
A song playing on her CD player brought her out of her musing.
Is all that you can't say
Years gone by and still
Words don't come easily
Like sorry like sorry
Is all that you can't say
Years gone by and still
Words don't come easily
Like forgive me forgive me
Was that not the truth Buffy thought. Over the past four years she had hurt Giles so many times, both physically and emotionally.
The physical stuff well when it was intentional it was for his own good. First with trying to go in her place to battle The Master, she had to knock him out. Then he tried to get himself killed by going after Angel to avenge Jenny's Murder. That had been one of the scariest days of Buffy's life. Then when Ethan Rayne turned him into that Fyral Demon and she stabbed him thinking the demon had hurt Giles. Once again, one of the scariest days of her life.
She felt bad about that stuff but the emotional hurt she had inflicted on Giles left her most guilty.
By sleeping with Angel she had accidentally unleashed a Vampire on her friends and family and had gotten Giles' love killed. She had let her poor watcher get tortured by her boyfriend. She left town when her friends needed her. She didn't tell Giles when Angel came back from hell.
But last year was the worst. She pretty much completely abandoned him, only coming around when it suited her needs.
"God how selfish can I get" Buffy said aloud.
Even though she knew her actions were wrong she hadn't managed to work up the courage to say sorry. How could he ever forgive her.
Buffy knew she loved Giles. She knew it the day she returned from her summer in LA, and he accepted her back no questions asked.
It hit her like a ton of bricks that day and she though she would never be able to love him more than she did at that moment.
Time had proved her wrong though. That was why she had avoided him last year. She was constantly worried that he might catch on to how she felt, and she couldn't lose him. She would die if she lost him. Quite literally.
Over the past couple of months she had caught herself slipping though. First when she had told him she loved him but that Watchers could be prigs. She nearly kicked herself for that comment. But then it happened again this week, when she told Giles she couldn't lose him.
But you can say baby
Baby can I hold you tonight
Maybe if I told you the right words
At the right time you'd be mine
I love you is all that you can't say
Years gone by and still
Words don't come easily
Like I love you I love you
But you can say baby
Baby can I hold you tonight
Maybe if I told you the right words
At the right time you'd be mine
This part of the song reminded her of her dreams when she told Giles how she really felt and everything was of the good and they were together. But that would never happen. Giles only loves me like a daughter Buffy thought.
She turned off her stereo and continued these thoughts till sleep claimed her.
The next day Buffy was leaving the Espresso Pump where she had been spending time with Willow and Tara. She loved spending time with her friends, but lately it always made her feel lonely.
She didn't want to be alone. She was a slayer goddamn it she never knew when some vamp was gonna get lucky. She didn't wanna die alone.
As she walked down the street she saw Giles coming out of the electronics store carrying a huge box and she decided to spend time with her favorite watcher. She loved the fact that he was truly her Watcher again. She had done a good thing by standing up to The Council and that Quentin Travers dick.
Buffy caught up to Giles as he was opening his car. "Whatcha get Watcher mine."
"H...H…Hello Buffy your in a good mood today" Giles said.
"Yup Mom's doing great, Dawn's dealing well, I was just hanging out with Willow and Tara and now I bump into my favorite reinstated retroactively paid Watcher. It's a good day, but you didn't tell me what you bought." Buffy said as she smiled.
<Why does she have to smile like that? I get so unsettled when she smiles like that. Dear Lord I think that smile would light up the darkest night.>
"I just purchased a new stereo, mine broke last week." Is what Giles actually said.
"Wow, that's technology Giles. Your gonna ruin your reputation as a self-respecting technophobe." Buffy teased.
"W...W... Well I guess" Giles stopped "Technophobe?"
"Spending the past four years around you has been good for my vocabulary Giles"
"Well I suppose you have somewhere to be off to." Giles said. <Although they had been spending a lot more time together he suspected Buffy had something to do on a Saturday afternoon.>
"I'm supposed to go The Bronze with the gang tonight but I've got nothing now. I guess I'll go home and do homework." <I can't believe I'm that bored.>
"If you would like you can come back with me we could spend some time together."
"That's great Giles we never get to spend time together outside of the slaying." Buffy said as she flashed Giles another one of her light up the world smiles.
"Shall we then"
"Do you even have any CD's Giles?" Buffy asked they had just spent the last hour hooking up his new stereo and now wanted to see if it worked.
"No I only have records. I'm going to have to buy the bloody While Album again Fabulous. I don't suppose you have anything on you."
"Actually I do it's CD by a woman named Tracy Chapman, I actually think its music of mine you wouldn't consider Bloody dreadful noise"
"Ha bloody ha. Well why don't you put it in and I'll make some tea and we can sit and talk"
"Sounds like a plan." Buffy reached into her purse pulled out the CD, and put the CD in the stereo, hit play and then went into the kitchen to help Giles with the tea.
Buffy and Giles got the tea ready and were sitting down on the couch as the track turned to "Baby Can I Hold you" Buffy heard the song and felt chest and heart constrict. She looked at Giles and promptly burst into tears.
"Buffy what's wrong is there anything it can do." Giles said worrying he had never seen Buffy's emotions change so rapidly, just a second ago she was perfectly content. He tried to figure out what set her off so he could make it better. He hated to see her in pain. Every time she hurt he felt it in his soul.
"Is it the music?" Giles asked, when Buffy nodded still crying uncontrollably he the asked "Would you like me to turn it off?" once again Buffy nodded.
Giles walked over to his new stereo and turned off the stereo and then sat back down on the couch where he immediately put his arms around Buffy in an effort to comfort her.
<God I could get used to this, no old man don't think that she needs your comfort now and you are acting like Humbert Humbert.>
Buffy finally quieted down and was now only shaking slightly with the after effects of an emotional breakdown.
"Would you like to tell me what happened. What did that song make you think about Buffy."
Buffy just shook her head unable to tell Giles how she felt.
"I just want to try and help you Buffy please tell me what's wrong."
Buffy looked up at Giles and saw his eyes pleading her to tell him what was wrong.
<She knew then that she would tell him how she felt no matter what the consequences she couldn't hurt him again.>
"T…T…The song just reminds me of o…o…o…our relationship over the past four years a…a…a…and I've hurt you sooo much, with Jenny dying and A…A…Angel and I just can't say sorry or how mu…mu…much I love you, and I know you don't feel the same way, or love me as a daughter or whatever, but I'm so sorry Giles for everything." Buffy began crying again.
"Buffy love" Giles turned her face so she was looking into his eyes. "You never had to say sorry because I never blamed you."
"But what about Angel killing Jenny, I did that Giles, I slept with him and caused Angelus to come back. And then I hid him when he came back from hell. I ran away Giles." Buffy said tears still streaming down her face.
"Buffy what happened to Angel and what happened to Jenny was not your fault. You could not know what the consequences of sleeping with Angel could be. If anything I blame Angel he should have checked out his curse more fully. As for Jenny that was not your doing. While hiding Angel, I will admit hurt me I understand why you did it and have long since forgiven you. And I ran for less reasons years older than you did. You have so much on your plate Buffy and have done so well, you were just growing up."
<The pride Giles had in Buffy showed in his face. He was happy to have had some hand in the beautiful woman she had become. God how he loved her.>
"I abandoned you last year." Buffy said unable to stop her self-inflicted guilt trip.
"That I understand also Buffy, you were trying to fit in and becoming independent"
"That's not true I…I…I just couldn't be around you so much and not tell you how I felt. I love you Giles."
"I love you too Buffy."
"No you don't understand I don't love you like a daughter loves a father. I love you the way a girl loves her boyfriend the way I should have loved Riley. I know you don't feel the same way but I had to tell you it's been eating me up inside. Riley knew that's why he left.
"He knew I didn't love him, but I don't think he knew I loved you. He just knew I would never be able to love him."
Through her confession Giles just stared.
<He couldn't believe that Buffy felt the same way he did. He just knew this was a spell or a dream and he would come out of it and everything would be that way it was, and he would die a little bit inside.>
"Giles please say something." Buffy pleaded.
"What" Giles said looking confused.
"Say something, anything, that I'm a deluded little girl, that you will never love me anything just say something."
<God please don't ask me to leave Giles, that's the one thing I don't think I could take.>
"I love you Buffy."
"What? Say that again please" Buffy had to be dreaming. Giles couldn't have said he loved her too.
"I love you"
"You love me"
"I realized it when you ran away."
"I knew when I came back."
Buffy leaned slowly forward towards Giles, begging him silently to let him kiss her. To her surprise and pleasure he met her half way and initiated the gentlest kiss Buffy ever had. It was nothing more that a brush of his lips but it left her wanting more.
Buffy put her hand on the back of Giles' head so she could keep him kissing her and slowly deepened the kiss brushing his lower lip with her tongue.
Giles felt Buffy's tongue brush his bottom lip and groaned this allowed Buffy to slip her tongue into Giles' mouth.
<God he tastes so good>
<I could spend my life doing this>
As their tongues danced sensually Buffy shifted and straddled Giles' waist.
This action earned another groan from her Watcher as he gripped her hips and pulled her harder against him allowing her to feel how he really felt about her.
Buffy began undoing Giles' shirt buttons when he stopped her.
"Buffy we have to stop"
"B…B…But I thought everything was good, that you were enjoying yourself."
Giles brought her small hand to cup his substantial erection through his pants.
"Does that tell you how much I was enjoying myself" Giles said with a wicked grin.
<looks like Ripper wants to play>
"Then why do we have to stop?"
"Its too soon Buffy I don't want to jeopardize what we have."
"Because of me it's been too long Giles. Please I don't think I will be able to take it if I can't make love to you Giles."
Giles looked into the green depths of Buffy's eyes and saw only love, desire and need there.
"If you're sure Buffy we can't go back if we do this."
"I've never been more sure of anything in my life."
With that Buffy leaned forward and began kissing Giles again. As their tongue's dueled Giles let one hand get tangled in Buffy's beautiful long blond hair, the other hand began to stroke her curves.
Buffy finished unbuttoning Giles's shirt and now ran her hands through the broad expanse of his chest catching whorls of chest hair and scrapping her hands over his nipples along the way.
"God Buffy!!" Giles exclaimed as he gripped her ass cheeks. " I don't think I can take much more of this. Shall we go upstairs then."
"Please" Buffy said unable to hide her desire.
Buffy climbed off of Giles' lap and held out her hand which he accepted together they ascended up the stairs into Giles' bedroom and to their future.
Once they reached the loft Buffy let go of Giles' hand and turned so that she was facing him. Once she was sure he was watching her Buffy pulled her lilac colored tank top over her head then she reached behind her back and unhooked her lacy white bra letting it fall to the floor and her full firm breasts tumble free.
"You keep calling me God Giles. I'm only Buffy"
With that Buffy walked up to Giles and pushed his shirt off of his shoulders letting it join her top and bra on the floor. Once Giles was naked from the waist up Buffy wrapped her arms around him and pressed her body to his relishing the skin-to-skin contact. As they were holding each other Buffy sighed.
"What is it love?"
"It's just that this is better than my dreams Giles."
"Oh Buffy," with that Giles crushed Buffy to him and began planting small kisses on her lips then all around them.
Buffy ran her hands through the Giles' hair and held his head to her as she increased the pressure and intensity of their kisses. As their tongues dueled aggressively Giles ran his hands all over Buffy's body touching everything within his reach.
"Giles" Buffy gasped as his hands caressed her breasts. "That feels so good"
"We're only getting started love" Giles said as he began planting small sucking kisses along her neck and shoulders, then tracing her collarbone with his tongue left to right.
Buffy could only gasp and moan at this point, she was too far-gone to be able to construct coherent sentences. She let her hands trail down his chest to the zipper of his slacks. She cupped his bulge and he groaned. She slowly popped the button to his pants, and teasingly pulled the zipper down keeping a gentle pressure on his erection the entire time.
When his pants were unzipped Buffy pulled away letting them fall to the floor in a pool around his feet.
"Come 'ere love" Giles said his voice low, gravely, and dangerous.
Buffy shook her head and grinned mischievously. She backed further away from Giles and untied the knot at her side holding her purple and blue floral wrap-around skirt together. Letting it fall to the floor joining their other clothes. Buffy was now only covered by what looked like a miniscule pale pink G-String.
Buffy turned her back to Giles and began walking to the large bed in the center of the room.
"Dear Lord Buffy!" Giles exclaimed realizing that her panties were not G-String but a delicate thong. Giles then took a deep breath trying to regain his control. When he had focused he said. "Darling I think your something of an exhibitionist."
"Well you're the Watcher so we match perfectly. Now get your deliciously sexy self over here and ravish me."
Giles stalked over to the bed and crawled over Buffy's body like a predator at a wonderfully carnivorous meal. He slid one hand over her right breast which he began massaging as he claimed her lips in a fiery kiss.
Giles lay on his side letting his lips trail down Buffy's neck until he reached the top of her breasts. Once he got there he licked the top of her breasts then the sensitive underside alternating between the two. He began to bestow strong sucking kisses around her breasts circling closer and closer to her turgid nipples.
Buffy could only gasp moan, and clutch his head to her.
Finally Giles reached her nipples, he pulled one into his mouth stroking the hard bud with his tongue biting down lightly then suckling strongly.
<Oh God yes Giles the other one please> Buffy couldn't manage to get any words out.
As if he heard her Giles immediately switched to her other breast repeating his actions on its twin while rolling the other one between his thumb and forefinger.
"Ooooooh God Giiiiillllleeeesss" Buffy screamed.
Giles waited until Buffy calmed then looked at her questioningly.
"Did you just do what I think you did?"
"Did I just come from you just sucking on my nipples?"
"Un hun. You're fantastic."
"Shall we continue then?"
"Oh God Please."
Giles scooped Buffy up in his right arm and lifted her up on the nest of pillows. He then kissed her deeply and tenderly let his tongue sweep possessively into her mouth.
Descending down her body Giles once again paid homage to her firm high breasts before focusing his attention to her smooth belly and abdomen. His hand trailed ahead of his mouth and gripped the side of her lacy pink thong panties.
Buffy heard rather than saw Giles rip away her panties. "Oh Giles" she exclaimed as he began petting her gently.
"Oh God Giles" Buffy screamed again as he slid two fingers directly into her hot tight core.
"Dear Lord you're so wet Buffy"
"For you only for you." Buffy touched Giles anywhere she could reach. Caressing his back and hips before pushing his boxers off his hips. Together they managed to get them off without dislodging Giles's fingers.
Buffy stared down at Giles' erection.
"Wow I've never seen one that big before. You sure you know how to use it"
"Oh I promise you I shan't leave you wanting but very sated and very tired."
Giles continued down Buffy's body nipping at her hipbone, which earned him a sharp cry. He continued down and suddenly noticed that Buffy had tensed.
"Has anyone done this to you before Buffy?" Giles asked looking into her face, which was flushed with unsated desire.
"Do you want me to continue? I want so show you how very much I like to do this."
"It okay I'm just nervous."
"Well just relax and I promise you you'll enjoy yourself"
"Okay shutting up now"
Giles gently removed his fingers from Buffy's dripping sex and began mouthing at her nether lips.
"I've barely started yet"
"As you wish"
Giles pushed his face into her covering himself with her nectar. He started licking up under her clit. He used his fingers to open her sex then plunging his tongue deep inside her fucking her steadily. Buffy's hips were bucking now and she was panting and chanting one phrase over and over.
"Don't stop Don't stop Don't stop Don't stop Don't stop Don't stop Don't stop Oh Yeah Oh Yeah."
Giles then trailed his tongue back up her sex latching onto her clit and sucking strongly all the while flicking her clit with his tongue.
Giles moved up Buffy's body and plunged his hard length home. Holding still until Buffy became accustomed to his size. Before long Buffy raised her hips signaling that she was ready.
Their pace at first was slow and gentle Giles with drawing until just the head of his cock was inside of her, then slowly working his way back in.
Before long their thrusts became harder and faster.
"Goddamn it Giles I'm the slayer you always say harder is better give it to me Giles I need it."
Giles moved further over her body, lifting her ass with his right hand, forcing her down further on him. Buffy wrapped her long legs around his hips sending him deeper into her core.
Giles then started slamming her under his full weight using his full strength to thrust into her. He claimed her mouth kissing her as he continued thrusting hard into her. Buffy pulled back opened her mouth and screamed as she experienced the most intense orgasm of her life. Feeling Buffy go over the edge Giles allowed himself to let go and screamed out her name as his hot seed streamed into her body.
"Wow that was intense" Buffy said once they had come down. She was lying against Giles, her head pillowed on his chest.
"Intense was the only word for it. I've never felt anything like that in my life."
"So I gather you enjoyed yourself"
"Enjoyed myself! Giles it's never been like that"
"Well I aim to please"
"You wanna please me again?" Buffy asked noting his growing erection, which she started stroking.
"It would be my pleasure love"
"Buffy was supposed to be at the Bronze two hours ago. Her mom hasn't seen her since she left to meet me and Tara at the Espresso shop I'm just worried and wanted to ask Giles if he's seen her." Willow explained.
They had spent the last two hours at the Bronze waiting for the blond slayer to show up.
"She's been so sad since Riley left I hope she's not in trouble." Xander said concerned
"Oh she and Giles and just probably giving each other orgasms." Anya said.
"What!!!!" Willow, Xander, and Tara exclaimed.
"Oh its so obvious they love each other, now they're probably acting on it. Believe me I've seen this sort of thing before." Anya explained further.
"I don't think so Anya." Tara said quietly.
The four friends arrived at Giles' loft and found the door unlocked. Shooting each other concerned looks Willow pushed open the door and they walked in.
A noise from the loft alerted them and they turned their eyes up.
"Uh Uh Uh Uh Ohhhhh God Giiillllessss"
Willow, Tara, and Xander looked at each other shocked. Anya just looked smug. As they exited the loft Xander could be heard saying….
"Can I be the one to tell Spike?"