By LynneMarie

TITLE: Anguish
AUTHOR: LynneMarie
RATING: PG (suicide attempt)
DISTRIBUTION: Solo & whoever wants it just let me know so I can come visit.
SPOILERS: none, this one is from my own little world
FEEDBACK: Feed back is good, feedback is our friend (I am still new, so go a little easy on me)
SUMMARY: Buffy has had enough, Giles is our hero!
DISCLAIMER: The characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar Productions, Kuzui Enterprises, 20th Century Fox Television, the WB Television Network and whoever else may have a hold on them. I do not mean to infringe upon any copyrights.

NOTES: I was in a bad mood when I got home from work today...needed to vent. Answer to the 300-word challenge on the GilesNaughty list. Ok, so I have 302…I couldn't make the end work right without the two extra words.

The darkness in her head surrounded her thoughts like a wool blanket on a hot summer's night. She kept trying to push the pain farther down inside of her. Down to the deepest parts of her being. Down to where no one would ever know it existed. Her soul felt like a pressure cooker, always on the verge of exploding.

When the pain managed to surface, it did so with a vengeance. The anguish of all of the losses hit her like a tidal wave. The guilt for all of her misdeeds beat her battered sprit against the rocky shore of her turbulent and chaotic life. Tonight was one of those nights when she could not keep the pain at bay. Tonight was one of those nights when she begged the powers of the cosmos to end her torment. The cosmos never listened.

She sat in the corner of her room, scrunched into a tiny ball. Her head smashing into the bricks that made up the outer wall, as she rocked to and fro, mumbling inarticulate words of grief. She knew she had to die. It was the only way to end to all of her anguish. She had what she needed to get the job done. The gun, loaded and heavy, was clutched in her hands. For all of her so-called bravery, she couldn't find the strength to lift it to her head.

Her mother's funeral was the last straw, the one that broke the Slayers back. She knew that once she was dead, another would be called. She had to make sure she did it right. This time she would stay dead.

As she lifted the gun to her head, Giles' gentle voice broke though the haze in her head. "Buffy, please don't leave me." was all he said.