All of Me
By Jessalyn

All of Me
Author: Jessalyn
Disclaimer: Buffy, Giles, and all characters belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy.
Rating: R to NC-17
Pairing: Buffy/Riley(for a little bit), Buffy/Giles, Willow/Tara, and Xander/Anya
Spoilers: Dracula
Summary: Hard words lead to a night of music Buffy won't soon forget.
Feedback: Yes!!!! PLEASE!!!!!
Note: The song "All of Me" is by Evanescence


"Um, Buffy, we need to talk." Buffy set down her highlighter and history book and turned to face Willow.

"Ok, Wills, have we been drinking again?" Buffy looked Willow over and noted she didn't look drunk, but nervous. <Uh-oh. She wants to tell me something, but doesn't know if she should.> "No, no drinking for Willow. It's just that, well, Giles told me something and um…" "You don't know if you should tell me?" Willow nodded vigorously. "Exactly." Buffy rose, walked to Willow's bed and tried her hand at Willow's "Resolve Face." Willow burst out laughing. "S…sorry, but, you can do "Scary Slayer Face," but not my "Resolve Face."

"Will, can you just tell me. Not good at the hole waiting and patience thing." Willow looked away from Buffy and nervously wringed her fingers.

"Ok, um, before that whole, um, Dracula thing, Giles told me that, um, he was going to, um, well…leave. And go back to England." <Whew. There, she said it.> "Oh. That's it? He would have come back Will. It's okay." Willow just stared at her. "No Buffy. He told me he was going to leave permanently. You know, take all of his belongings and go back to stay in England. And never come back." Willow watched as all the color drained from Buffy's face. "No. No. You're lying. Giles didn't say that. He's my Watcher, he promised me he would never leave me."

Willow grabbed Buffy's arms and shook her. "Buffy, he hasn't been your Watcher for almost a year now. He was lonely and hurt. Hurt by all the things you did or didn't do. You didn't tell him about Riley and the Initiative. You've ignored him ever since you've been in college, only going to him when there was something you and Riley couldn't handle. He's been there for you forever and you've treated him like he was nothing. What did you expect? That he would graciously lie down on the floor and say, 'Yes Buffy, please walk all over me? Oh and, kick me while you're up there, too?' And also…" Willow trailed off as she finally looked at Buffy again and noted that tears were silently streaming down her face.

"Buffy, I'm sorry…I," Willow stopped once again as Buffy jumped up and raced out of the room.

***

Buffy walked for hours. It was late at night before she finally realized where she was. She looked up and saw that she was standing outside Giles' apartment. <Great. Just what I need.> She looked up again and noticed that a light was on. She sat down in a chair out in the courtyard and thought about the last year. Okay, so Willow was right. She hadn't told Giles about the Initiative and Prof. Walsh and all that. It just hadn't crossed her mind. True, she had always felt that she could share everything with him, but this just wasn't one of those things.

Buffy glanced up at the room again, and for some reason, felt anger build. How could he even think about leaving her? He promised. He promised he wouldn't leave. Deep down, Buffy knew that the reason she was so angry was because she was in love with him, but she refused to acknowledge that part of her heart that was screaming for him. Angered and hurt, Buffy stalked to Giles' apartment and banged on the door.

 

***

"Where in the bloody hell is she?" Giles said. Buffy was supposed to come over after patrol and check in. Giles looked at his watch for what seemed to be the twentieth time in two minutes. It was one in the morning. Giles sat down at his desk with a book and pretended to read.

After ten minutes, disgusted with himself, he slammed the book shut. He stood and started pacing. He couldn't concentrate when he knew Buffy was out there, fighting all alone. <No, not alone, old man.> His lips curled into a sneer as he thought of Riley. Mr. Initiative-Solider-Boy. He sighed, ran his hands through his hair and sat on the couch.

He had already coped with the face that Buffy was never going to love him like he loved her. The first time he knew was at prom, when she walked in and, no the first time he knew was when she face him in the library, when it was still there, and said "I'm sixteen-years-old. I don't want to die." No. Bloody hell, it was when she walked into the library her first day at Sunnydale. He had been enraptured. He was startled out of his thoughts when he heard a pounding on the door. In a second, he was at the door and wrenching it open. The relief at seeing Buffy's beautiful face soon turned to fear when he saw her tear-streaked face and anger filled eyes.

"Who the hell do you think you are?" Buffy stormed into the apartment and turned to face him. He stood at the door, dumbfounded. "Pardon?" Buffy narrowed her eyes and glared at him. "I ask you to be my Watcher again and then I find out that you were going to leave?" Giles nodded slightly and shut the door with a silent snap. "Willow told you?"

"No. I forced it out of her, so don't be angry with her. How could you do this to me? You promised me you wouldn't leave me. That's what you were going to tell me when I came to ask you to be my Watcher again, wasn't it?" She threw up her hands. "God, what is this? Can't anyone ever stay? I swear…" "I, I, I, me, me, me. Is that all you can ever think about Buffy? You? Selfish little bitch." Buffy recoiled as if she had been slapped.

She looked at her Watcher, her friend, the man she loved. His eyes were filled with anger and hurt. "Giles…I," "Yes Buffy, you. You." That's all I ever bloody hear about anymore. You had a fight with Riley, you are having trouble with classes, you, you, you. Why don't you try something new? Try thinking about other people for a little bit. Then you would see that Willow is in a relationship that's confusing and new to her. Xander and Anya are growing closer every day.

And me, if you thought about me, you'd see that I've been hurting. Ever since Riley, it's been almost unbearable to be around you. I've looked at you and have seen a new woman. A woman who, because of Mr. Wonderful, feels that she has to pretend that she's not as strong as she really is. Who's not as brave, and courageous and selfless. Everyday, I watch you go out and face demons you've never heard of and vampires that might get lucky and kill you. I watch you do this for people you don't know. You've changed Buffy. You don't think you're a whole person with him beside you. And yes, I was going to leave. I couldn't bear watching the two of you together. And couldn't bear thinking that you didn't need me anymore. I'm your Watcher, your friend, no matter what the blasted council says.

I didn't want to be here anymore. I didn't want to need to be here anymore. I didn't want to need you anymore. And I didn't want to love you and want you with every waking moment of my life and know that you didn't love me and want me with every waking moment of yours." Giles stopped and looked at Buffy. Tears were streaming down her face. She stood there, eyes red rimmed, mascara forming streaks down her cheeks and he had never seen her look more beautiful. He dammed himself for still wanting her. He turned his back on her. "Get out."

Buffy slowly walked up to him. Her body burned with the wanting of him. She touched a hand to his back. "Giles?" He moved away from her touch and, gathering his courage, turned toward her. She rushed into his arms and closed her own tightly around his neck. He kept his hands at his sides, not wanting to touch her. For if he did, he would break. In breaking, he would beg. She tipped her face up and found his mouth with hers. She pressed her lips on his and waited for him to respond.

When nothing happened, she stepped back. Giles breathing was uneven as he looked at her. "Buffy, I won't ask you again. Please. Get. Out." She pressed a hand to her mouth and raced out of his apartment, sobbing. When the door slammed, Giles jumped. He ran to the door and flung it open. "Buffy! Buffy!" He could see her running away from him, again. He slid to the floor and sobbed.

 

***

Buffy walked into the Espresso Pump with Riley and the rest of the gang so they could hear Giles sing. It had been two weeks since their very emotional fight. She had only gone by to report after patrol, and even then her reports had been brief and unemotional. Giles would always say the same thing. "Good. Now, go home and sleep. You need your rest." Buffy sighed and leaned on the table. She missed Giles. The man he had been before she had hurt him. The man she still loved. She sipped her cappuccino and waited for him to walk to the stool.

 

Giles slid on the stool. He looked around, and not seeing Buffy, he let the hurt overwhelm him and began to sing.

 

I'm so tired of being here
Surprised by all my childish fears
But if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
Cuz your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

 

 

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just to much that time cannot erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have…all of me

 

Buffy listened and didn't even try to stop the tears that flowed freely down her cheeks. Riley looked over and sighed. He'd lost her, and he knew it. He got up and left.

 

Buffy never noticed.

 

Xander, Anya, Willow, and Tara all grinned at each other. They got up and walked to the door.

 

You used to captivate me by your resonating life
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me

 

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just to real
There's just to much that time cannot erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have…all of me

 

Giles closed his eyes and let everything he had felt over the last two weeks flow through him.

Buffy slid silently off her stool and walked up to the table right in front of him. She didn't even notice the others had left. She let his words flow through her. He was singing to her, for her, about her. She just knew it.

 

I tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

 

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have…all of me
All of me

 

He finished the song and opened his eyes. She was sitting right in front of him. He jolted and set down his guitar. "Thank you," he said to the crowd. Buffy got up and joined him as he walked out of the Espresso Pump. She stopped him when they stepped outside. "Giles. I am so sorry. I never even thought. I know that what I've done has been hard on you. I miss you. I want you to be who you were. I realized something the other day. You were right. I'm not a whole person without him." Giles opened his mouth to say something, but Buffy rushed on. "That "him" isn't Riley, Giles. It's you. I never would have made it this far without you. You're on my mind every morning when I wake up, and every night before I go to bed. I need you to be with me. I need you to be beside me. I need you to make me whole. I need you. I want you. I love you." She took his face in her hands and looked deeply into his tear-filled eyes. "I love you. Please don't tell me that I've figured this all out to late."

Giles couldn't do anything but stare. "Buffy, you don't know how long I've waited to hear you say those words." Buffy heard the "But" in his voice and went pale with hurt. She stepped back and wrapped her arms around herself. "But?" she asked in a trembling voice. Giles looked at her and shook his head. "Buffy, you've misunderstood. There is no 'but.' It's just you I want. You I need. You I love."

Buffy threw her arms around him and pressed her head into his neck. This time, Giles let his arms wind around her and hold her tightly. When she lifted her face again, he let himself be drawn into the kiss. He kissed her hungrily, craving her taste. Lips mated and tongues tangled as they lost themselves in their first real kiss. When they broke apart, they were both breathless. Buffy nuzzled Giles' neck. "In bed. I want you in bed." Giles bit her neck and said roughly, "On the floor, on the couch, on a bloody table. I don't care where I have you, but I want you now. Right now." They broke apart and in unison ran to Giles' apartment. He unlocked the door, opened it, and pulled her passionately through with him. He slammed shut the door and bolted it.

When he turned, Buffy was on him, her legs around his waist, her lips and teeth and tongue attacking anywhere they could get. Mouths fused, Giles walked them on surprisingly even legs up the stairs and tipped them onto his bed. Because it was their first time together, he would do as she asked, and let them take each other in bed. Giles broke away and stared. "Beautiful Buffy," he said huskily. She smiled at him through her tears and made quick work of the buttons on his black silk shirt. She pulled the tails from his trousers and pulled it over his body.

She let her eyes and hands roam over his muscular back and chest. She smiled as she ran her hands over his chest and tickled her hands with his hair. None of her other lovers had had chest hair. Understanding, Giles smiled and pulled her up to reach the zipper on the back of her dress. He lowered it quickly but efficiently, so not to tear the delicate material. He pulled the dress off and threw it to the ground where it joined his shirt. He stopped and stared again. She hadn't worn a bra and he now let his eyes feast on the sight of her almost naked body.

He reached out and carefully ran his hands over her breasts. He let his thumbs rub over her nipples. She arched off the bed as sensations flooded through her. She pulled on his belt and soon on the button and zipper of his trousers. She pushed them and his boxers down his body and encircled his erection. Giles closed his eyes and let the moan break through his lips. He grabbed her hands and entwined their fingers. He let his lips replace his hands on her breasts and gently suckled on her nipple. Buffy's head whipped back and forth as she let feelings go through her. Her hands flexed in his, screaming and needing to touch. Giles smiled and worked his way down her body.

Lips, tongue, and teeth slowly destroyed her. When he got to the tiny piece of red satin, he looked up at her. Her cheeks we flushed but her eyes were on him as he moved. With a small gasp, she felt and heard the small piece of material. She gasped again when she felt his breath down there. His tongue whipped out and circled around her clitoris without touching it.

"Giles if you don't stop teasing me, I'm gonna get up, put my clothes back on and leave," Buffy said roughly. Hearing the truth behind her words, Giles touched her with his tongue and then started sucking. At the same time, he entered two fingers into her and pumped them in and out of her. Buffy felt the fever start to build. "Gi…Giles? Oh. My. GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Buffy spazmed as the orgasm ripped through her. Going mad, Giles dragged himself up her body and entered her in one smooth stroke. They both stopped moving and looked into each other's eyes. Then, it was all frantic. Buffy lifted her hips in time with his thrusts and when the fever built again, they came together.

***

Later, when the sweat had dried, they held each other. "Why did this take so damn long?" Buffy asked, running her hands over Giles' back. He rubbed his hand over her cheek and smiled. "I don't know, luv. All I know is that I'm never giving you back." Buffy laughed. "I hope not." She grew serious. "Giles. You've made me whole again. I haven't felt whole since I walked into the school on prom night and saw you. I knew that a part of me was missing, but I didn't know that it was you." She laid a hand on his heart and put his over hers. "I love you Giles. You've completed the part that was missing: my heart. Thank you." Giles, overcome with emotions, pulled her to him and rested his forehead on hers. "Oh Buffy, beautiful Buffy, I love you, now and always."

Buffy grinned through her tears and rolled until she was on top of him. "Prove it," she said. Giles grinned wickedly. "If you insist." As the fever built once again, they both felt whole, and would for the remainder of their lives.

 

***

Outside, Xander, Anya, Willow, and Tara stood. With a look of exasperation, Willow and Xander slapped twenties into their respective partner's open palms. Tara and Anya looked at Willow and Xander and said simultaneously, "told ya."