Title: Accidental Miracle
Rating: PG or PG-13
Distribution: Sure, if you want it.
Disclaimer: I wish it were mine, but sadly…all belongs to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Fox, yadda, yadda, yadda. You know the drill.
Summery: Buffy receives some news and has Giles make a choice.
Spoilers: Tabula Rasa
Feedback: That would be nice.
Notes: Alternate ending to Tabula Rasa.
“Ms. Summers?” The doctor’s voice echoed off the horrible white walls. Buffy sat on the table, clad in a hospital gown, her legs swinging. She looked anxiously at the doctor and tried to manage a smile. She failed.
Buffy looked the nurse over. She wasn’t very old, late twenties, early thirties, Buffy guessed. She was tall and thin, with red hair pulled back into a loose ponytail. Underneath her lab coat, she wore black slacks and a tight pink and blue striped shirt. Her heels clacked on the shiny floor as she approached Buffy. Her nametag read Dr. Johnson.
“Doctor Johnson.” Buffy said the name quietly, trying not to show how worried she was. Doctor Johnson smiled.
“You have nothing to worry about. You don’t have the flu, pneumonia, fever, nothing.”
Doctor Johnson slouched a bit, her smile wavering. “But, you do have a slight case of pregnancy.” It didn’t register with Buffy for the first thirty seconds after the doctor said it. Her eyes fluttered and she shook her head a little. “I’m sorry, I thought I just heard you say I was pregnant,” Buffy laughed nervously. The doctor met Buffy’s eyes and nodded solemnly. “You are.” Buffy felt like the world was spinning.
“The fetus is only about three weeks old, and from what I can tell, is doing remarkably well.”
“Oh.” Buffy felt like the walls were closing in all around her. She had to get out. She had to go somewhere. The doctor looked up from her records and realized that Buffy was weaving. She eased out of the room and hurried to the waiting room.
“Does anyone here know Buffy Summers?” she asked loudly. Several people looked up, two of them being a dark haired young man and a red headed young woman. The both stood and hurried to the doctor.
“We’re her friends,” the red head said. “Is Buffy alright?”
“Can we see her?” the young man asked. Doctor Johnson smiled. “Yes, she’s fine. But, she may need some support right now.”
“Why? What happened?” the young man demanded. The doctor’s smile disappeared.
“It is not my place to tell you. Buffy will. Follow me.” The two looked at each other, clearly worried for their friend and reluctantly followed the doctor. She led them down the hall and to Buffy’s room. She rapped on the door twice and opened it when she heard a meek “Come in”. She let the two inside and shut the door behind her.
Oh, God, Buffy thought. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. She vaguely heard the woman telling her that the baby was fine. The baby. Oh God. How am I going to tell everybody? How will they take it? How will I support it? She heard the door close and glanced up sharply to see the doctor had left. She leapt off the table and shakily put her jeans and sweater back on. Her hands trembled so hard she couldn’t button the sweater.
Someone rapped on the door and through blurring eyes; Buffy saw Willow and Xander come in.
“Buffy?” Willow asked. She put her arm around her friend’s shaking shoulders. Xander moved to the other side of her.
“Is everything all right?” No, she thought, everything’s a mess. She burst into tears and crumpled to the ground with Xander and Willow at her side.
Just after they got their memories back, Buffy went to the Bronze to drown her sorrows and met Giles there. He had already flung back a couple shots of whiskey and was downing another. Buffy came up behind him, her anger rising in her chest, and asked icily, “Is this seat taken?” Giles looked at her surprised. He shook his head and asked the bartender for another shot.
He simply stared at Buffy as she asked for a shot of vodka, and threw it back fast. She winced at the taste as it went down her throat. She looked over at him as he downed another shot.
“Why are you still here?” she asked. “Shouldn’t you be on a plane to England by now?” Giles swallowed and cradled the shot glass in his hand. “My bloody flight was delayed by several hours. I won’t be leaving for awhile.” Buffy’s heart leaped for joy. He’s staying!
“I guess that makes you bloody well unhappy,” he muttered coldly as he ordered a mug of whiskey. She glared at him sharply, not saying anything. “You have no idea what I’m feeling,” she said as she signaled for another shot. Giles snickered as he brought the mug to his lips.
“That’s an understatement,” he replied.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” she asked heatedly. Giles shrugged. “Nothing, really. Except that you have absolutely no idea what I’m feeling.” Buffy chuckled harshly. “Didn’t you pour out your feelings to me back at the shop? How you hate to leave me? How you’re loathe to cause me more suffering?”
“I did say that and left out a great many more things I probably shouldn’t have,” he remarked quietly.
“Such as?” she challenged him, flinging back another shot. Giles put his mug down on the countertop. He dug into his pockets and pulled out a wad of bills, leaving one of them on the counter. He ordered a bottle of beer to go and stood when he received it. He regarded Buffy with genuine sadness.
“There’s enough for four more shots if you want,” he said. “Use them wisely.” He brushed past Buffy, opening the beer and taking a long swig from it. She grabbed his coat sleeve and pulled him back to her.
“Giles, I don’t want us to end like this. Can we go back to your place and…I don’t know, talk?” She could almost see the wheels turning in his head as he considered it. He glanced at his watch and then back at her.
Willow pounded on Buffy’s door. “Buffy! Buffy come out, please! Buffy!” She tried the door again, but it wouldn’t budge. She turned so that her back was against the wall and slumped to the ground. Xander came up the stairs and saw Willow. “No luck huh?” he asked.
Willow sighed. “She refuses to come out and talk about it, or even call and tell him.”
“Why should she? She’s probably ashamed,” Xander commented. Willow looked at him with wide eyes. She stood and walked over to Xander, pushing him into her room and shutting the door behind them.
“Why would she be ashamed? She pregnant with the baby of—”
“Of the man who deserted her,” Xander finished. “At least in her eyes. To Buffy, it seems like he left when she needed him most.”
“And I understand that, but…” Willow put her face in her hands and exhaled loudly. She rubbed her hands vigorously over her face and up into her hair, sighing.
“What are we going to do Xand?” she asked. He took her into his arms and held her.
“The only thing we can do.”
“Wait,” he said simply.
The hotel door flung open and Watcher and Slayer silently walked into the room, side by side. Giles flicked the light on and shut the door behind him. Buffy immediately went over to the mini-bar and pulled out two large Jack Daniels’, tossing one to Giles. He caught it purely by reflex and flicked it open. Buffy approached him, her cap already off and clinked their bottles together in a bittersweet toast. Buffy threw her bottle back and started to chug it, anxious to get drunk quickly. Giles did the same.
They did this for several hours, not even talking much; just drinking and getting drunk together. The next time Buffy spoke again, her speech was slurred and her eyes were very nearly bloodshot. She leaned against Giles’s side, his arm casually around her.
“Don’t you have a flight to catch?” she asked, tapping Giles’s chest with her half empty bottle. He downed the rest of his bottle and opened another. “Bugger it all to hell,” he slurred. Buffy smiled. She jumped up, pepped with energy.
“Hey! Shall we spar?” she asked drunkenly, holding up her fists, imitating a boxer. Giles threw his bottle down and removed his jacket throwing it onto the floor nearby. “Spar let’s shall,” he managed. Buffy aimed to punch his head, but missed by a mile and fell backwards into his arms, the two giggling madly. He helped her stand, thought he himself was weaving.
“Try again.” Buffy concentrated, a task very hard to do at the present moment. She swung at his midsection with all her might and crashed into him knocking them both to the ground in a tangled heap of arms and legs, with Buffy on top of Giles. They both giggled, but made no move to get off of each other.
They gradually stopped laughing. Buffy gazed into her former Watcher’s green eyes, the laughter in them reflecting what was in her eyes. Laughter and love. For her Watcher. For Giles. She reached up and gently pulled off his glasses, tossing them on the floor a few feet away. He pulled her body up, so that her face was level with his. They both leaned in and met in the middle. As their lips met for the first time, fireworks exploded behind closed eyes. Buffy reached up and trailed a finger down the side of his face, making Giles shudder and deepen the kiss. His arms curled around her back and rested there, while her hands moved up to his shoulders.
He peeled off her jacket for her and went to work on her top. She began to unbutton his shirt as his exploring tongue met hers…
Buffy thought about the night her and Giles made love. Or, actually, had sex. It was a one-night stand. It didn’t mean anything. We were both drunk, for God’s sake. She ignored Willow’s pounding and focused on the turmoil that rollicked around her brain.
I’m pregnant with Giles’s baby. A baby that was so not meant to happen. He’s on the other side of the Atlantic and I’m stuck here in boring old Sunnydale trying to feel anything except the pain and incompleteness that has become a part of me since I got back. Now I have a baby, the father of which is somewhere other than here, Willow is going through a case of magick rehab and to top it all off, I’m sleeping with Spike. Things couldn’t get any worse.
Realization hit her like a ton of bricks. I’m in love with Giles! I have been since he came back when I came back! Wait—was that a sentence? She rested her head against her drawn up knees and emitted a sigh.Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse…
“Should we call him?” Dawn stood with her arms crossed over her chest. Willow, Anya, and Xander all stood more or less the same way with her. “Should we let him know at all?”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Dawnie,” Willow said gently. “Maybe we shouldn’t get involved.”
“Why shouldn’t we get involved?” Xander asked heatedly. “Buffy is our best friend!”
“All the more reason not to get involved with her personal life, Xander! Why can’t you see that?!” Willow practically shouted. All three were taken aback. Willow struggled to regain control of her temper.
“Sorry, just with the no magick and…it’s making me all crazy.” She took a deep breath. “She will tell Giles when she’s ready.”
“What if she’s not?” Anya spoke up. “What if she never tells him? What then?” Willow looked up at the staircase. “Only time will tell, I guess.”
Somehow, they made it to the bed in the middle of the night. Buffy awoke with a major hangover, her head pounding and her body refusing to move. She groggily opened her eyes and winced when the sun got into them. Slowly, she sat up in bed, holding the covers to her chest. With a start, she remembered what had happened the night before. She looked behind her, where Giles was supposed to be next to her.
He left a note for Buffy, instead. She glanced over it, and crumpled it up angrily, throwing it across the room. She put her head in her hands and breathed heavily, trying to blink away the moisture that was forming in her eyes. After ten minutes, she got out of bed, dressed and left the hotel. She didn’t want to return home—there would be too many questions about where she had been and what she had done.
I’ll think about that tomorrow, she thought sadly. She went where her feet took her, not really paying attention to her surroundings. Buffy pushed open the door to the Magic Box, splintering the lock. She went into the back room, and locked the door. She shrugged off her jacket and began beating the punching bag into submission. All the rage and anger she felt flooded into her fists as she beat it all out of her system.
The sadness and regret also welled up inside of her and that she couldn’t beat out of her. Moisture welled up in her eyes and though she tried to blink it away, it kept coming. Finally, Buffy sunk to the floor and cried.
She cried for the first time since she came back, letting out all the hurt, pain and incompleteness. She was complete for one brief night, though she didn’t know it yet. She had found her other half, and she let it go.
Buffy crept through the graveyard, her stake firmly attached to one hand. She dusted a few vamps then made her way to Spike’s place. The door opened before she even raised her hand to knock. Spike grinned at her and opened the door wider, inviting her in.
She was disgusted with herself for being with Spike. It made her feel dirty. And no matter how many times she showered, or how hard she scrubbed, the feeling never went away.
She stepped into the crypt and whirled around to face him as she heard the scrape of metal on concrete.
“What’s this then?” Spike leered. “Come for a bit of cold comfort?”
“No,” she said. Spike’s idiotic grin faltered.
“No? Sorry, love, but I can’t seem to think of any other reason you’re here.” Buffy took a deep breath. “I can’t be with you any more, Spike.” His grin got wider.
“Right. You say that every time and yet you keep crawling back for more.”
“I mean it this time. I’m not going to kiss you, I’m not going to sleep with you, and I’m not going to touch you. Not anymore. Never again.”
Spike grinned, a naughty gleam in his eye. “Right then. You say that now, but when you come back, I’ll make you eat those words.”
“I’m pregnant, Spike.” He stopped in mid-sentence and simply stared at her. He cocked his head. “I can’t hear a heartbeat.”
“It’s only three weeks old.” Spike exhaled and ran his fingers through his hair, a sight Buffy found very unnerving. It almost made him look…human.
“There’s more. I’m in love.” He looked at her hopefully. “Not with you.”
“With who then?” he asked coldly.
“The father of my baby.” He stared at her blankly.
“And this person would be…?” Buffy looked down at the ground. “Giles,” she whispered. Spike took a step back. “Have you told him?” Buffy was touched. He really cared for her, really loved her. Was actually concerned for her.
“Not yet. I’m going to have Xander do that. He probably won’t believe me. Xander’s just gong to get him to come home. I’ll tell him when he gets here.”
Spike nodded. He cocked his head towards the door. “You’d better get home. Family will be worried about you.”
Buffy nodded and headed out of the crypt. Spike watched her leave until she disappeared. He shut the door and banged his head against it.
“Bollocks,” he muttered.
“Giles? It’s Xander. Um, we sort of have a slight problem here in Sunnydale. It’s about Buffy…no, no she’s all right…she’s healthy, Giles. Uh-huh…uh-huh. Great. Tomorrow? Okay. Yes…yes I will. Okay. Bye.” He hung up the phone and looked at an anxious Buffy. “He’ll be here tomorrow, but he’s not sure when.” He put his hands on her shoulders in a brotherly manner, and kissed her forehead. “Don’t screw this up, Buff.”
“I won’t,” she promised.
Oh, Good Lord. I wonder what kind of scrape she’s gotten herself into this time. Giles climbed up the stairs to the Summers home. He paused, nervousness growing inside of him. He knocked on the door and waited patiently, almost considering running away and never looking back.
Before he could, however, the door opened and Buffy let him in. She hugged him tightly then stepped away from him, leading him into the living room.
“Buffy,” he said as he sat on the couch. She perched on the coffee table across from him. “What is this all about? Where’s Willow and Dawn?”
“Willow and Dawn are at Xander’s for the time being. They won’t be coming home until tomorrow.”
“Why is that?” She took a deep breath, a sign that she was as nervous as he was, maybe even more so.
“Giles, I have to tell you something. And it’s going to be something you might not like. But I need to tell you because we have to make this decision together.”
“Buffy,” he took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose, “I have just spent six hours on a plane to see you. What are you getting on about?”
“Giles, I…” She exhaled loudly. “Giles, remember that night three weeks ago?” Giles averted his gaze and blushed. “Yes,” he whispered.
“Well, there are some…consequences that we’re going to have to deal with.” Giles snorted. Buffy glared at him, waiting for an explanation. “Consequences? Buffy I’ve dealt with the consequences since that night. I can’t stop thinking about you.” Well, you’ve started up, old man. No use in stopping now.
“Giles, I’m pregnant.” Unless she gives you a reason to. His eyes widened hysterically. “P-pregnant?”
“With your baby.” Oh, great Buffy. Give the man another reason to have a heart attack. Giles sat back against the couch. He stared at her for the longest time, not saying anything.
“Wh-what about protection?”
Buffy chuckled bitterly. “Giles? Remember, we were kinda drunk.” She knelt down in front of him and took his hand. “I realize you’re scared. I’m scared too. But you know what? I can feel it. I can feel the baby growing inside of me. I can actually feel something. And…I love you.” Giles stared at her in surprise. “I love you so much it hurts,” she continued. “I want to be with you for the rest of my life. But, I’m giving you the option to not have this baby. I was considering abortion, but I thought I should let you decide.
“You have until midnight. There’s an all-night abortion clinic in Docktown. If you don’t let me know then, I’m going. I have to go patrol. See if I can work off the tension.” She stood and walked to the door, opening it and grabbing the stake that sat on the table. “Midnight, Giles. Don’t forget.” Then she was gone.
His head was spinning and he needed a drink badly. My baby, he thought. The woman I love to death is carrying my baby. He ran a hand through his tousled hair, replaced his glasses, stood and began to pace. He was so preoccupied with the mixed emotions and the turmoil of thoughts in his head; he failed to hear the back door open.
“Right then,” he thought aloud. “Buffy’s pregnant. A pregnant Slayer could pose as a danger to both herself and the fetus. She’s vulnerable, unsafe, unprotected and totally inept at fighting. Her movements are awkward and clumsy, she will be seen as dinner for the local vampires…”
“On the other hand, the baby is yours.” Giles whirled around and found Willow leaning against the wall. Dawn stood next to her, her arms crossed over her chest. Willow walked towards him as she spoke again. “And Slayers never live past thirty. Am I right?” Giles simply stared at her.
“I’m guessing from his lack of speech, that’s a yes, Will.” Xander emerged from the dining room, Anya at his side. “Plus, your biological clock is almost running out,” she put in.
Giles looked from one duo to the other and back again. “What are you lot doing here?” he breathed angrily. “This is my decision to make on my own.”
Anya shrugged. “We’re not making the decision for you,” she said.
“We’re helping you look at the pros and cons,” Dawn added.
“Plus, it’s not just your decision. It’s yours and Buffy’s,” Xander said.
“She’s just giving you the luxury of deciding for her,” Willow put in. Giles stared at her. “Why?”
Willow shrugged. “Maybe because she loves you so much? And she wanted you to be a part of that choice?”
“In case you haven’t noticed, Giles,” Xander observed, “Buffy could have easily had an abortion and not told you anything about it. You could have lived the remainder of your life without ever knowing that Buffy was once carrying your child.”
“Yet she chose to let you on it…” Dawn said.
“Because she loves you,” Anya finished. “And probably ‘cause she would have felt incredibly guilty afterwards.”
“Thanks Anya,” Giles sighed. She smiled and looked up at Xander. He and Willow were staring at Giles seriously.
“Here’s the cons, Giles,” Xander spoke. “Buffy becomes clumsy because of her growing size, puts herself in danger to protect the ones she loves while she’s pregnant, gets hurt and suffers a miscarriage or is killed herself because her skills at kicking demon ass suck.”
“On the other hand,” Willow continued, “you can give Buffy something she might never be able to have again. Something that is literally once in a lifetime for her, because she may not even have enough time left to have another baby.”
“Those are your choices,” Anya said.
“Think about it,” Dawn added. With that finished, the Scooby Gang waited. Giles contemplated everything they had said. What they had said about Buffy becoming clumsy was true. Yet the fact about a baby being a once in a lifetime opportunity for her was also true. Giles glanced at the clock. It was quarter to midnight.
In that split second, he made his decision. He glanced at Willow. She threw him the keys to Xander’s car. He caught them and was out the door in a flash.
“What do you think he’ll do?” Anya asked, as the tires squealed out of the driveway. All four of them stood at the doorway, watching the car speed down the road. Willow and Xander looked at each other.
“The right thing,” Willow replied.
It was ten to, and Giles was not there yet. Buffy sighed and began to walk in the direction of Docktown. It wasn’t far; she could make it before midnight. The tension was humming in her every nerve. The vampires hadn’t been very active tonight.
She reached the clinic in five minutes and looked at her watch for the umpteenth time. Three minutes. She sighed and began to bounce on the balls of her feet.
Two minutes. Buffy started pacing, wringing her hands for lack of anything better to do.
One minute. Her eyes began to well. Maybe he’s not coming after all…
The clock at the University chimed midnight. Buffy blinked and the tears overflowed onto her face. She slowly turned and opened the door to the clinic, not even registering the honk of the car horn as it passed her. The bright light stunned her and she blinked again, causing more tears to stream down her face.
The receptionist looked up as she came in. An older lady, with gray hair, who should have had no respect whatsoever for people like Buffy. A sad, sympathetic smile filled her features, as Buffy attempted to wipe away the tears. Without a word, the older woman handed Buffy some forms and went to retrieve the doctor. The woman didn’t look down on Buffy. Rather, she sympathized, for she knew what Buffy was going through. Her own parents had forced her to have an abortion some forty years ago.
Buffy forced herself to stop crying as she slowly filled out the forms. She wordlessly left them on the counter and took a seat in the homely waiting room. Shaking too much to even pick up a magazine, Buffy simply sat and waited.
“Damn it!” Giles swerved around a corner, almost crashing into an oncoming car. He glanced at the clock on the dashboard. It was twelve-oh-five. His fear made him speed up, the adrenaline coursing through him causing Giles to be reckless on the road.
Calm down, man, the rational part of his mind told him, you’ll never get to her if you kill yourself trying to get to a bloody clinic! He slowed and finally stopped, brakes squealing as he reached the dilapidated old building. He jumped out of the car and ran into the clinic. The receptionist looked up in surprise. He scanned the waiting room and his heart dropped, breaking into a million pieces.
Buffy wasn’t there.
He approached the receptionist, and asked, “Did a young blonde come in here just a while ago?” The older woman smiled thinly. “Yes. She went down that hall.” She pointed with her pen. Giles followed it and paled visibly. The hall was filled with doctor’s offices.
His resolve broken, he slowly turned and started to leave the building.
“Giles!” He looked behind him and saw Buffy running towards him. She threw herself into his arms and hugged him tightly. His eyes misted as he hugged her back.
“You bastard,” she whispered. He chuckled and led her outside to Xander’s car. He leaned against it and took both of her hands in his.
“Buffy, you didn’t…it wasn’t…” Buffy smiled. “No, Giles. I’m still pregnant.” He exhaled with relief.
“Buffy, I can think of a million and more reasons, why you shouldn’t have this baby. And I can only think of a few reasons why you should.” Buffy looked at her shoes, knowing what he was going to say. He bent down and looked at her.
“But those few reasons are enough.”
She lifted her head and stared at him, her face slowly breaking into a wide smile.
“I think you should have, what no Slayer ever gets the chance to have,” he continued. “And I believe that the few good reasons, outweigh all the bad ones.
“Buffy, I love you. I want you to have this baby of mine.” He placed a hand on her cheek. “I hope that’s enough for you.”
Buffy nodded. “It’s more than enough.” She reached around and hugged him again. Pulling away, he moved his hand to her flat stomach. “This is…a miracle.” Buffy covered his hand with her own and grinned. “An accidental miracle.”
Giles smiled back, but then the smile faded. He cupped her cheek and brought his lips down to meet hers. He pulled her against him, and gently put his arms around her, deepening the kiss. Buffy slid her arms around his neck and curled one leg around his. They parted for a brief moment, and gazed at each other.
“I love you,” Buffy whispered. Giles smiled and kissed her forehead.
“I love you, too,” he replied. “Both of you.” She smiled and kissed him again.
“Oh! Giles! Come here!” Buffy grinned excitedly, as she watched her new husband hurry over to her. “Yes? What is it love?” She didn’t say anything; just took his hand and placed it on her stomach. He looked confused for a moment. “Buffy, dear, I don’t see—ah!” He jerked his hand away from her white dress and alternated between staring at her face and her stomach with wide eyes. Buffy sighed and rolled her eyes.
“Come here,” she said in mock exasperation. She took his hand again and placed it back on her stomach, keeping it there with both of her hands. Giles swallowed. “It moved.” Buffy laughed. “Yes, babies will often do that.” She gasped and smiled thinly. Giles moved to her side and curled an arm around her waist. “They kick too,” she said. “And hard.”
“Yes, I felt that,” Giles replied. She looked up at him with laughing eyes. “Shut up.”
“With pleasure,” he grinned Ripper-ishly. He leaned down and kissed her gently and deeply. They parted and together walked to where their friends were.
“Hey! Congrats on the nuptials,” Xander commented. He raised his glass to the couple. Willow, Tara, Dawn and Anya, only copying everyone, did the same.
“Thanks guys,” Buffy said.
Buffy had told Giles about her and Spike not long after they agreed to have the baby. He had raised hell about it then gone off and kicked Spike around a bit. His rage had finally subsided after Anya tactfully—well, for Anya anyways—pointed out that it was at one of the lowest times in Buffy’s life and Buffy had guaranteed that it would never happen again.
Willow and Tara had finally gotten back together and were now living in a house together not far from Buffy and Xander.
Xander and Anya still had a few kinks to work out in the relationship, but otherwise, when Buffy wasn’t busy planning for her own wedding and baby, she, Dawn, Willow and Tara were helping Anya plan for her wedding.
As the baby moved again, Buffy smiled, knowing that for once in her life everything was perfect.