About last year...

AUTHOR: Gabriele Schulz
RATING: NC17 (I was in full smut mode...)
DISTRIBUTION: Solo84, Cap, Jess, Sai. Others please ask first.
SPOILERS: Nothing specific, but you should have seen Helpless and know what went on in season 3
FEEDBACK: Yes, please. That would be so nice of you.
SUMMARY: It's the night before Buffy's birthday: She makes a step that will change their relationship forever and we find out what really happened at the end of 'Helpless'. B/G
DISCLAIMER: The characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar Productions, Kuzui Enterprises, 20th Century Fox Television, the WB Television Network, and whoever else may have a hold on them. I do not mean to infringe upon any copyrights.
NOTE: Okay. While waiting for 'Helpless' to finally air in Germany my excitement formed into this fic...
DATE: 10/25/99

"Now that we saved the world we can plan ahead and decide what to do for your birthday tomorrow."


"I know. No surprise parties, don't worry. We will do nothing surprising whatsoever, right Will?"

"Yes, Buffy. But we should do *something* for your birthday. I mean after all it's your..."

"...birthday," Oz helped her out.

"Yes. And you should celebrate. And who knows, it might be very nice and peaceful this year. I mean An... he... well, you're alone, I mean... Oz?"

"No Angel, no Council, just a happy Buffy."

"Guys, I really appreciate it, but..."

"No but, Buff. You only get to be 19 once. We'll force you to have fun, if you want to or not."

Giles spoke for the first time since they had come to his place after killing a dangerous demon (once again).

"Is there nothing you would like to do for your birthday?"

"Well, actually, I wanted to ask if we could meet here tomorrow at noon. To spend the day together. All of us. Eat cake and stuff, just like a family birthday. If you don't mind that is?"

"Of course not. I'll see to it that we have enough to eat."

He looked at Xander as he said the last, who grinned at him in return.

"No, I think, you should let the others... Will, Oz, do you mind?"

"Not at all. Maybe I can make a cake myself. Hey, I found those decorating sugar stuff, so we could write a cute little message and draw stakes or something on it. Let us surprise you!"

"Yeah, Will, it'll be a big surprise now. Why not let *me* think of something to write on it."

"Okay, so tomorrow at 12.00 here."

Buffy got up and the others followed her to the door. She opened it and let them out. When Willow went past, she held her back.

"You can go already. I need to talk to Giles."

"Is there something-"

"Everything is fine. Don't worry."

She basically pushed her out and closed the door behind her.

"Is th-there something you want to talk about? (suddenly worried) It's not about the demon? Did it s-"

"It's not about the demon."

"Ah, good."

He sighed relieved, then took in her look.

"Wh-what is it you want to... talk about?"

She looked down.

"Maybe I should make some tea."

He started for the kitchen.

"About last year..."

He stopped in mid-motion. Then he turned around slowly.

She looked at him and stepped closer until she was in the middle of the room.

He didn't have to ask what she meant. It could only be one thing. The one thing both of them had silently agreed to never talk about. And they didn't. But he thought about it every day. He could remember it as if it was yesterday. How he came to her after the greatest betrayal. How he had tended her wounds. And how she...

...leaned into his hand slightly. When he was finished he put down the cloth and looked at her, not knowing what to say or do. Not knowing how she felt and if she would ever be able to trust him again.

She moved the leg she had hugged to herself to the ground and sat a little closer to the edge of the chair, nearer to him. He hesitantly stroked her hair back, wanting to touch her so badly, wanting to hold her in his arms. She moved her head slightly so that he was cupping her cheek. He moved his fingers over her skin in feather light touches, only a couple of millimeters, too afraid she could pull away.

They looked at each other and he thought that if she didn't say anything soon, he would just break down in front of her and cry. She didn't say anything, but she did something. She lifted her hand to cup his right cheek and she pulled his head to her chest. He did cry then. His arms moved around her holding her tightly as he sobbed. He could feel her hands as they soothed him wordlessly.

When the sobs subsided she kissed the top of his head. He looked up at her, still needing the assurance that everything was all right between them. That this wouldn't forever stand between them.

He was still kneeling between her legs, his arms around her waist, while her hands were in his hair. Her face was as serious as he had ever seen her, not sad, not hurt only displaying a calmness that was frightening. But as he kept looking at her he felt that same calmness coming over him, covering him like a blanket, while at the same time a veil was lifted. The moment he knew what they would do she leaned forward and kissed him.

He kissed her back without hesitation. As the kiss deepened, Buffy wrapped her legs around him. He held her tightly and got up carrying her into his office. Gently he placed her on the couch. She watched him as he knelt beside her moving the straps of her trousers aside. She lifted her body, so that he could remove them totally, together with her socks and shoes.

She sat up and undid his tie, smiling with her eyes only. She pushed his suspenders aside and unbuttoned his shirt. He helped her and got out of his undershirt as well once they'd finished.

They looked at each other for a moment. Then Giles pulled her legs from the couch to the ground so that she sat in front of him. He moved forward until he knelt between her legs. He kissed her again, then pulled out her shirt and pushed it up, removing it once she had lifted her arms.

She took his face in her hands again and cradled him to her, so that his face was between her breasts. He kissed her there and unclasped her bra, pushing it off her shoulders so that it fell down to reveal her breasts. He backed away to look at them, then up at her face. She threw the bra aside and undid his pants, letting them pool at his knees.

He kissed her again, then stood up and got out of his pants, removing his shoes and socks, while he was at it. She looked at the bulge and quickly pulled down his boxers. Then she stood up and dragged his face down for a kiss. She stood on tip-toe and started to rub herself against him. His hands moved along her bare back to her slip. He grabbed it and in one movement got down on his knees, kissing a trail from her mouth past her neck and breasts to her navel, while his hands rid her of the last bit of clothing. She stepped out of her underpants, looking down at him.

He stood up again and took her in his arms, then lowered her onto the couch again. He knelt between her open legs and looked down at her, lying on the couch. He would never forget her look: Not invitation, not anticipation, not seduction, not fear, only the calm certainty, that was more overwhelming even than their obvious arousal.

He bent down and kissed her, his hands went to her opening to make sure, that she was ready for him. When he felt the wetness he entered her.

Their rhythm was neither slow nor fast, it wasn't hard but determined.

It didn't take long. When he felt her going over the edge, he pushed himself inside her deeper than before and emptied himself into her clenching channel. He didn't say a word, but she whispered almost inaudibly: "Rupert."

He pulled out of her, then took her in his arms and turned them so that they lay on their sides facing each other.

When their panting stopped, they looked at each other for a long moment. Then she moved around and got up, putting on her clothes. When she was fully dressed, she looked once more at his face, then turned around and left.

The click of the door had been it. He could still hear it. And the moment she had closed the door behind her and he had heard it, he had known that he loved her. It didn't mean that he didn't love her before that, but it was that moment that he was fully aware of it for the first time.

Neither of them had ever mentioned it to anyone, least of all to each other. It wasn't necessary. The simple act had set right everything between them. Her running away, her lying about Angel and his betrayal. It had nothing to do with his role as her watcher. He had been unsure about that, but their personal relationship was for once guilt-free. They had found a way to erase all the clouds that hung unspoken between them and were able to move on the way they always had.

He had sometimes wondered if any of their friends ever asked her how she could forgive Giles and if so, what she had answered. But that wasn't important now.

Buffy wanted to talk about it. And that filled him with two equally strong emotions: Hope and fear.

"You love me."

It wasn't a question. And even if it would have been, he wouldn't have been able to answer. All he could do was stand there and look at her.

"I didn't know you did. Not really. I... after we... everything went back to how it was. We, Angel, the others. I never really thought about it. I didn't want to."

She looked down obviously trying to chose her next words carefully, although it seemed that she had planned this conversation beforehand. She looked up again, a determined look on her face.

"I'll make this short. At twelve o'clock, when it's my birthday, we'll go upstairs and make love and when you still want me when we wake up, I'll be yours for as long as you'll have me."

They looked wordlessly at each other for a full minute. Then he looked at his watch.


He looked at her again, then rushed past her out of the door.

The phone rang only once.


"Hey, Will, it's me, I'll stay here tonight... I think."

"What do you... is the world ending? Oh, not on your birthday again. That's so unfair-"

"Will, it's not like that."

"Then...? Oooooh."



"Willow, are you all right?"

"I... you... and Giles..."

"Well, it's not a sure thing yet. Right now, I'm sitting here alone, because he ran out of the door."

"Oh, god, Buffy..."

"No, it's okay. I dropped this on him without warning. I hope he'll come around."

"Why did you never say anything?"

"I'll tell you tomorrow. Maybe you'll understand."

"Okay. Hmm, Buffy?"


"What if he doesn't come around?"

"I'll think about that when the time has come. Night."

"Good-night. And good luck."

She put down the receiver. She still felt oddly calm. Sure, it wasn't what she had planned. But for some reason she had known that he wouldn't just fall into her arms, kissing her and telling her he loved her.

She lay down on his couch and thought about last year. It had been good. It had been more than sex. While their bodies had met in the most intimate way, their minds had let go of everything that was harboured unspoken. All the guilt and fear was released, making it possible to maintain the relationship that was most important to both of them, even if they weren't always aware of it. The understanding between them was what made it possible for them to survive last year, even though new hurt and guilt built between them.

Buffy wasn't sure if she loved him back then. She didn't know when it happened. It was something that had been building without her knowledge and consent. She had hid it. From her friends and family, Angel - but most of all from herself.

All those times, when she had swallowed the pain that the sad look on his face caused, and whenever she thought she saw his love... she had pushed her feelings away. But the pressure had been building underneath and just like a grain of corn under heat one day it had just exploded and revealed emotions almost too big to handle.

She loved Giles with an intensity, that made her feelings for Angel seem luke-warm at the most. The last couple of days since her revelation, she had put all her efforts in not showing her feelings to anyone. She could barely stand being in the same room with Giles, but now that would change. She knew that he loved her and she didn't panic although it was 11.30 by now and he still wasn't back.

She would belong to him body, mind and soul. If he didn't want her... she didn't finish the thought. He wanted her.

And he would come back.

Giles didn't walk in any particular direction, although he tried to keep away from the cemetaries. He wouldn't be able to give much of a fight today, even if he hadn't forgotten his stake.

In the past year he had dreamed about the moment, when they would admit their love to each other, but it hadn't been one of the dreams that you thought could come true.

They had shared... it wasn't even a night... but he was aware that it meant nothing. At least not as far as Buffy's feeling, her possible love for him was concerned. If nothing else her feelings for Angel had shown him that time and again. But still he had sometimes, on a few precious occasions felt something, that made him believe that there was more to her feelings for him.

What he hadn't expected though was the total devotion to him that this one sentence had expressed: 'I'll be yours for as long as you'll have me.'

He had run mainly because he couldn't have stayed for a second longer. He was sure he had been knocked out by her words and apart from the embarrasment he wanted to think. Her revelation had been overwhelming (and that was "understatement much" as Cordelia would say). He didn't want to be away from her, but he needed a little time to regain control over his mind and body. Yes, he could have stayed and taken her there and then, but he probably wouldn't have remembered a thing or realized what he really was doing. And he wanted to be ready to enjoy their first experience even if it technically wasn't the first.

How could he have missed it? How could he have not seen her love for him, after looking for it for over a year? Their relationship was full of surprises. And this time it seemed to be a happy one. 'we'll go upstairs and make love...'

She had been the center of his fantasies ever since that night. 365 nights of dreaming of her, not counting the daydreams he had, when she trained or smiled at him or was just in the same room with him (and very often when she wasn't).

Which of his thousand fantasies would be fullfilled tonight?

He looked at the watch. 11.20. He should walk back now if he wanted to be there in time for her birthday.

When he came in she was standing at the stairs. It was 11.58.

He closed the door behind him. They looked at each other, then Buffy turned around and went upstairs. When she was at the top she looked down at him. He was still standing on the first step.

"One minute Giles." Then she smiled for the first time in days. "Don't let me wait."

It took him one second before he sprinted upstairs, pulling her off her feet into the air, kissing her senseless. Her legs came up around him, while she rubbed herself against him. He wanted to throw her onto the bed, but she held him tightly so that he fell right on top of her.


"I'm sorry."

"You will be if you still have clothes on in 15 seconds."

She laughed as he scrambled to his feet, hurrying out of his sweater, shirt, slacks... They hung aroung his feet.

"Damn! Bloody shoes."

He managed to get them off and threw them out of the room downstairs, where they knocked out something, Giles didn't even bother to look at. He was out of breath.

"15 seconds. What about you?"

She licked her lips then opened her arms in invitation. He knelt astride her, gripped her hips and pushed her fully onto the bed. Then he put his hands on her pullover and shirt and ripped them apart.

"God, Giles, will you-"

She couldn't finish the sentence, because he covered her mouth with his, tasting her warmth with his tongue. Their tongues started a sensual duell, while his hands unclasped her bra and sent it flying to the ground. He started to press his erection into her sex.

"This might be easier if I get out of my pants first."

He removed them in lightning speed and before she could catch her breath the underside of his penis was rubbing along her wet clit. Her hands were clawing at his back now. She couldn't wait any longer.

"Giles, Rupert..."

He drove fully into her, watching her eyes as they shut and her mouth as it released a moan of unbelievable pleasure.

Then she opened her eyes and he started thrusting. When she started clenching her inner muscles around him, the realization of what he was doing hit him.

He was buried deep inside the woman he loved. And she was writhing in pleasure.

"Giles, are you okay?"

She seemed genuinely worried. He wasn't moving any longer.


He looked into her eyes and suddenly felt tears filling his own.

"Oh god, Buffy, I love you. I love you so much."

She took him in her arms.

"I love you, too. Gi- Ru-, what do you want me to call you?"

"You love me."

His head was buried in her neck and she wasn't sure if he was crying.

"Do you want us to stop?"


He looked up at her, then he wiped his face on her shoulder. For some reason she didn't find that disgusting, but incredibly sweet. Then he moved to kiss her neck and started thrusting again. He kissed and caressed her whole body, whispering 'I love you's while he did so.

They increased the speed of their movements and soon he pushed into her as quickly and hard as he could. She met each of his thrusts and soon their vows of love grew incoherent and their moans louder.

When the pleasure became more than either of them could bear and they climaxed together, Giles uttered a strangled 'Buffy' as he filled her with his seed, while Buffy screamed at the top of her lungs: "RUPERT!"

They were still shaking when he collapsed on top of her.

"That... *pant* was... *pant* unbelievable."

He could only nod into her neck.

Buffy with her slayer strength was the first to recover (somewhat) and turned them around so that she lay on top of him. He was still deep inside her and she intented for it to stay that way. She crossed her arms on his chest and looked at his flushed face.

He managed to get his breathing so much under control that he could see her smiling.

"I love you, Rupert."

"I love you, too, Buffy."

"So Rupert is okay with you?"

"If you can get used to it."

"I think I already have. When I think of you in... that way I always call you 'Rupert'."

"How long have you been thinking of me 'that way'?"

"Since exactly last Tuesday. It was around a quarter to 12 when it hit me like a ton of bricks."

"And what exactly hit you?"

"That you are the best man that anyone could wish for and that I love you incredibly, undescribably, wonderfully, intensely, mindblowingly and so forth."

"And why did you wait?"

"Well, there were those two days of total shock and after that it was this demon, so I figured I might as well wait until my birthday. Approriately you know."

"It 'hit' me back then."

"Last year?"

"Yes. When you closed the door, I knew I loved you."

"Isn't it funny that we didn't love each other, when we had sex the first time?"

"I didn't say I didn't love you. Maybe I just didn't know."

"I think I didn't love you. But I never regretted it."

"Neither did I. I'm not sure how we would have managed without it."

They kissed again at first tenderly then increasingly passionate.


"How come it's 'Giles' again?"


"Yes, Buffy."

"Are you ready again?"

The words combined with her slight clenching around him had the desired effect. He became hard again.

"I think so yes."

"Good. I wanna fall asleep from exhaustion tonight."

He groaned.

Buffy woke to his kisses the next morning.

"Forever and Happy Birthday."

She kissed him back lazily, then frowned.

"What are you talking about?"

"You said if I still want you when we awake, you'll be mine for as long as I'll have you. I'll have you forever. And Happy Birthday because I totally forgot about that last night."

"Well you did give me the best gift I ever got."

He started to trail kissed down her neck.

"What's the time?"

"It's ten. We still have two hours until the others arrive."

With that she turned them around and straddled him...

When Buffy opened the door Willow looked at her with wide expectant eyes.

Buffy didn't say anything just ushered them in. When they all sat on the couch they looked at her glowing face waiting for the announcement she obviously had to make. Xander was already munching on a piece of cake. It now read 'I hope this birthday doesn't suc'. But he stopped in mid-motion when Buffy snaked her arms around Giles' neck and kissed him passionately.

With full mouth he said "E cngh belarh ya felrg manah."

"Ooh, Buffy, I'm so happy for the two of you."


When Xander had swallowed the cake in his mouth he got up and stood next to them.

He looked first at Buffy then at Giles and then swept them into his arms.